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I’m Crushed

My sweet boy Marshmallow died this morning.

I don’t know what happened but somehow he got out of his hutch and I think the french bulldogs scared him to death.

I feel so awful because I feel like it’s my fault for not reinforcing the closure on his hutch. I feel like if I woke up when he got out I could’ve saved him.

I had so many plans for Mel.

I wanted him to be the ring bearer at my wedding . I wanted him to finally be able to free roam 24/7 whenever I get my own home. I wanted to get professional pictures taken with him. I wanted to start taking him for walks in the stroller I got for him.

Honestly I just wish I could’ve said good morning. His favorite part of the day was when I’d wake him up by saying good morning and then I’d give him his vitamin c supplement.

He has so many treats left.

I wish he could’ve eaten them all.

I’m just crushed.

I hope in heaven he’s eating all the apples he wants. They were his favorite.

I’ve been crying on and off since 8am and I still feel like I have more tears left.

I don’t know what to do but I’ll give you some pictures of my pretty boy.

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grinding down his chompers

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getting kisses

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baby picture!
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his first time meeting peanut

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i really believe he loved me

 

 

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset
marshmallows first strawberry
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size comparison
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he thought he was sneaky

thank you so much for reading.

Marshmallow loved attention so he’d be happy to know people are reading about him and admiring how handsome he was.

I love you marshmallow

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lifestyle

Travelers Notebook!

I got my first ever Travelers Notebook in the mail yesterday!

So excited!!!!

**✿❀ ❀✿**

I’ll just give a rundown of how I’ll be using it before I link to my TN setup video below.

I’ll be using one insert as a catchall creative space, one as a sketchbook, one to write a sentence in another language each day, one as a diary, and a folder insert to hold stickers!

I think I’ll probably add in an insert so I can take notes when I learn new things on the go.

here’s a link to my setup video!

Setup Video!

Uncategorized

another post about illness

I had to go back to carenow today because I spiked a fever around 6 am.

They were super accomodating and I got new stronger antibiotics so hopefully I’ll get better.

I’ll just talk about how I feel for the rest of this post, ok?

Well…

I’m nauseous and bloated from my antibiotics, my chest still hurts when I take deep breaths but not quite as much as it did on Monday, I have simultaneously no appetite and a ton of cravings, I occasionally cough up a lung (this is helped a lot by the cough syrup I was prescribed), I’m so tired.

So, yeah, I’m getting better so don’t worry about me.

Just wanted to update you.

language

Study Log: August 5th-11th

Sunday, August 5th: It was my birthday so I didn’t study.

Monday, August 6th: Korean 40 minutes, Mandarin 10 minutes

Tuesday, August 7th: Japanese 30 minutes, Russian 25 minutes, Korean 45 minutes

Wednesday, August 8th: Korean 30 minutes 

Thursday, August 9th: Swahili 20 minutes

Friday, August 10th: Korean 90 minutes, Japanese 20 minutes, Mandarin 10 minutes

Saturday, August 11th: didn’t study

 

It’s been a while since I posted one of these hasn’t it. I really wanna begin a new study initiative where I’m even more transparent about my habits so I that inspire others to put in their own effort towards gaining knowledge so I’ll go back to posting these. Hopefully on sundays.

day in the life

Day in the Life: a day at the ER

Well…

today’s been eventful.

If you don’t follow me on instagram (@dearmikah) you may not have seen me post on my story that I was in the ER for a substantial amount of time today.

Don’t worry I’m not dying or anything but I do have pneumonia.

I thought today would be a good day for a day in the life post because I’ve had a pretty interesting time.

I should probably begin my discussion of my illness by mentioning that I started having pain in my sternum yesterday afternoon.

So, this morning I started my day with night sweats at 2:40. I just dealt with it.

When I finally woke up officially (I had a few moments of lucidity throughout the night) at about 8:20, I was doused in sweat and feeling god awful. My first instinct was to take my temperature with the thermometer I keep next to my bed.

My temperature was 101.

So I went to my mom and she immediately said “let’s go to carenow”. And so we went.

We arrived there at about 8:45 and I spent a few hours there where we did an xray, an ekg, and a few blood tests. My xray and ekg were normal so that was nice. When my blood tests came back, my white blood cell count was 20,000.

THAT’S SUPER HIGH.

So the doctor at care now ordered for me to be taken to the ER. This was around 10:45.

I was triaged and all of the sudden I heard some scary words applied to me: sepsis alert.

great. I’m septic.

I was rushed over to an ER room where immediately (after peeing in a cup) there were about 6 people in the room poking me with needles and sticking stuff to me. By the time I had everything attached to me I had about 9 cords and tubes stuck to my body.

They took a ton of blood to do all sorts of tests with. They apparently take blood in bottles sometimes and it made me think of true blood. I hope some vampire somewhere had a nice beverage.

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taken while sitting in the room

My mom and I then waited for a while while I received an IV drip of saline and antibiotics. After a few hours I was visited by the doctor again and guess what? atypical pneumonia.

So I was given more fluids before waiting for information about what my treatment will be.

Around then it was about 13:00 and I was super hungry. I didn’t eat breakfast before going to carenow because I thought we’d be out of there around 10:00 so I was dropping in blood sugar and I was just uncomfortable in general.

I should probably mention that my pain was about a 7 out of 10 right about now.

So I asked for pain meds and asked if I could eat. I got my drugs and had 3/4 of a cookie.

After a little longer, I got news that I would be discharged (15:00) and I get to take antibiotics at home!

We went to the pharmacy and got some real food and once at home I took a short nap…

Right now I’ve taken more pain meds and I’m in bed and honestly I don’t think I can eat anything or really even do anything for the rest of the night. I’m drained.

I’ll add in an edit if anything else happens.

ED Recovery

ED Recovery Update #12

Been a while since one of these, right?

Well since the last EDRU, I’ve been thinking about food a lot. Not in a craving way because I still only get cravings every once in a while, but in a methodology-centric way.

I’ve been eating in a pretty robotic way for the most part because I’m having a lot more restrictive urges than I have in the past.

So to combat this I made a little booklet of food options that I often find myself eating so that when time comes to feed myself I can just choose from my menu rather than feeling a pressure to be creative and mix things up.

I think that this method may be looked at by professionals as a bit rigid and possibly even restrictive, so I try to eat off the menu when I don’t feel strong urges.

My menu has helped me to eat in a more consistent way rather than procrastinating because of the pressure to decide and then just eating a complete cookie and acting like that’s dinner.

If you want a tutorial on the menu booklet I’d be happy to make one!

Thanks for reading!

Mikah.

Uncategorized

a second post

This is another post where I’m just gonna ramble until I reach I stopping point.

I got a job yesterday! I’m not gonna reveal a ton of detail because I don’t want to reveal too much about my real life and I don’t want any harm to come to my job but I’m so excited!

Today’s my mom’s birthday too so I should probably say happy birthday to her here so…

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

 

I wanna start a travelers notebook so today I began my TN journey because at the craft store, TN inserts were $1.99 for 2! That’s so cheap!!!!

In my  travelers notebook I plan to have a sketchbook, notes, and distilled language notes so I can always have what I need. I really wanna improve my drawing skills so I think a sketchbook in the TN would help me be motivated to work on improving.

Hmm… what else to talk about…

oh, I don’t know if I talked about this before but I filled up my old bullet journal and I started a new one. I’ve decided that this bullet journal will be more artistic and more freeform rather than my boxy methodical style in my last bullet journal.

I changed up my habit tracker a little as well, adding a few new habits (network, wake up before 7:00) and now I fill in the boxes with diagonal lines rather than flat color.

I think today I should focus hard on studying so that I can be sure I’ve gotten in my time before I start my job. So excited!

 

vegan

Vegan French Toast Recipe!

Yesterday I finally perfected my recipe for a vegan french toast that isn’t just slimy bread!

I wanted it to include as few specialty ingredients as possible, but I can’t seem to replicate the eggy texture of french toast with and other egg substitutes than chickpea flour.

So without further ado, here’s my recipe!

makes 2 large slices of toast

  • 1/3 cup of plant milk
  • 2 large slices of bread (this is really good with sourdough)
  • 4 teaspoons (1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon) chickpea flour
  • 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • a pinch of ginger
  • cinnamon to taste (i prefer a ton)
  • a pinch of salt
  • toppings (powdered sugar, walnuts, syrup, fruit, etc)

 

Very simple procedure: combine plant milk, chickpea flour, vanilla extract, and spices in a wide flat bowl. Mix well with a balloon whisk or fork. Preheat a large pan or griddle to medium heat. Once the pan is heated and greased (or nonstick), carefully saturate the bread in the milk mixture and move the bread immediately to the heated pan. Cook until each side i slightly darker than golden brown. Top with whatever you please!

day in the life

Day in the Life: August 8th, 2018

Today my day began at midnight. I suppose everybody’s day begins at midnight but mine began with my mom calling me to her room.

She found a bunch of things in a box including my favorite toy from when I was little. A purple penguin bath toy.

 

I wish I could remember the name I gave him, but I can’t.

After reminiscing with my mom for a while I eventually went to my bed and fell asleep at 1AM.

When I woke up at 8, I felt that today would be a productive day so after a few minutes of waking up I put on my exercise gear and spent a few minutes on the exercise bike to warm up for my daily stretches.

I got in a very satisfying stretch and I did a pretty good meditation session.
By that time it was time for breakfast and I decided I would take today to perfect my vegan french toast recipe.

I’ve finally created a good and easy french toast recipe and I’ll be posting it tomorrow!

I ate my astounding breakfast (if i do say so myself) and then went to the desk to study.

I studied Korean and Mandarin for about an hour total and then i started to get ready to go out of town to see my psychiatrist.

I got ready early so that I would have time to take pictures of myself:

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she no want my kiss 😦

 

I then went to the psychiatrist (1 hour drive each way and a 1 hour appointment, 3 hour ordeal).

I plan on eating dinner in an hour and a half and I’m probably gonna study/journal until then.

Now i’m writing this post… pretty boring day when I write it out.

It felt like more when it happened.

I think I’ll post my stretching routine and some meditation tips some time soon, I think I’ve got something to say on those topics.

 

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Opinion: Giving Birth IS A Miracle

As usual, the inspiration for this entry was found in the cesspools of twitter. If you aren’t aware, ever since Beyonce discussed her complications in giving birth, an op-ed from The New York Post has appeared to have aged horribly. The author graciously named the op-ed “Having a baby isn’t a miracle and doesn’t make you a goddess”, and it circulated in early 2017 around when Beyonce performed at the Grammys.

I feel that it shouldn’t be a debate that the newly crowned fertility goddesses (Beyonce’s) birth story from the bloating, to the emergency c-section and toxicity does in fact sound like a miracle so I will not be focusing this critique around Beyonce, but rather the far reaching implications of shaming women for being proud of giving birth.

The general tone of the piece aside from being an asshole to Beyonce is that giving birth is not anything special because it is commonplace and wanting “worship” for the struggles of motherhood is undeserved. I just wanna say before I begin my rant that this is the article, read it if you’re a masochist, and I am not a mother nor do I have any plans for giving birth in the near future. Please don’t take this as me being emotional, I’m just here to defend mothers and tell people (in this case, the author) that they’re awful like I always do.

so, let’s criticize shall we?

1: “There are mothers who are struggling to get by– But these are not the mothers who give speeches about how they are lost”

This is in reference to Adele saying that she lost herself in motherhood, to which the author who I will refer to as Naomi from now on pompously dismissed any likelihood that Adele could perhaps… have a hard time.

I am the child of a mother who has struggled to get by and guess what… at times she complained! And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! Naomi who are you to say who has the right to say one negative thing about their lived experience?

 

2: “It’s not” a huge accomplishment to have a child

I don’t know if Naomi is a fan of statistics, but I’ll provide her with a few to show that having a child isn’t simply getting knocked up, pushing, and then feeding a leech.

As of 2015, the MMR was about 216 deaths per 100,000 live births. This may seem like an insignificant amount, but it truly isn’t seeing as it isn’t only high risk pregnancies that result in these deaths. Any complication during delivery can be potentially fatal. (courtesy of unicef)

The reported rate of clinical postpartum depression is between 10-20% of all live births. (postpartumdepression.org)

In 2016, the IMR was 5.9 out of 1000 live births in the US. (CDC)

I don’t feel a need to put out more stats because i have a suspicion that my audience agrees with me seeing as just about nobody aside from naomi is pompous enough to suggest that childbirth isn’t a huge accomplishment.

To end this post I’ll just answer the possible question of “why did you feel the need to write a post on a one and a half year old opinion piece from the New York Post of all places?”

Because I felt like it.

So thank you for reading this post, please follow my blog for more opinion and lifestyle posts! Love you! ♡♡♡