trying not to think too much about calories

calories are constantly on my mind.

in the midst of my ED one of my favorite pass times was counting calories, so i know how many calories are in just about everything i eat.

this is a pain in the ass.

every time i eat anything i’m hyperaware of how many calories are in my food. the compulsion has lessened since my time at renfrew but recently the calorie counting tendency has returned and is almost reflexive. while i was at renfrew i thought about calories as well but being on open weights helped me be sure that eating isn’t the cause of weight gain since i didn’t gain weight.

i may start weighing myself again for peace of mind but that could become compulsive.

i don’t really know what to do about this because i know i won’t magically forget how many calories are in food items any time soon and i know buying a scale won’t suddenly make me less worried about weight.

so anyways, here’s a life update:

i’ve been getting a lot of nosebleeds recently. i don’t know why i would be getting so many but i’ve gotten 3 in a week and nobody’s punched me in the face. it’s kinda cool though cause i like how it feels when the blood gushes out.

is that gross?

all of my pets are doing great. heres a picture of peanutIMG_7137.jpg

in my choir class i got a break from dancing today and we just sang all class so i didn’t have to deal with my awful dance partner so there’s a plus.


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