feeling gross in more ways than one

this morning upon waking up i immediately vomited.

so i didn’t go to school (probably will tomorrow though).

i feel disgusting in physical ways like having a headache, being nauseous, and inexplicably sweating but i also feel disgusting in my body right now.

today it’s been hard to force myself to eat. i’ve still managed to eat 3 meals today however so don’t get too concerned. i just don’t feel deserving of food sometimes and today is one of those times. i’d love if someone could tell me an effective strategy for getting weight loss transformations off of my instagram recommended page, though, because i think that definitely wouldn’t hurt my cause.

i often have a hard time telling myself the stuff i was told during treatment because honestly i think the slogans they tell you are diabolically corny. “all food fits” just doesn’t cut it for making a person who really badly not only wants to be unhealthily thin but also knowingly wants to be sick.

i wanna make some slogans for myself so here it goes:

  • hell is full, eat so you don’t die
  • you’re nice to fat people, so even if you feel fat be nice to yourself
  • just eat it (like weird al yankovich)
  • daiya cheesecake is wonderful, don’t deny yourself of that
  • echidnas eat whatever they want, including their mothers blood. take notes.
  • eat like a free fed rabbit
  • don’t chug water before you eat, it’ll just make you pee a lot
  • eat so you can get practice with chopsticks
  • maybe just have some rice for now and try again later


so, yeah.

that felt nice to write.

it motivated me at least but i’m sure that some of this post was upsetting to at least someone so i apologize in advance.



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