ED Recovery

thinking about how clothes fit

i get so frustrated 7/10 times i get dressed.

i strongly crave a breast reduction.

i just wish that i was a waify person who could wear oversized clothes and have them actually look oversized. whenever i put on something, even i it’s 5 sizes too big, it’s tight on my goddamn tits!!!!!

i wish i was like a b cup. when i was a b cup everything sat so well on my chest and it wasn’t hard to wear tight clothes. nowadays as a ddd everything i wear stretches over my chest and the patterns on my clothes warp. it takes so much energy to pull my dresses over my chest because they bunch and pinch me and it pisses me off.

this is especially upsetting as a person who cares a lot more about how clothes fit than how my actual body looks.

you know what’s also upsetting?

my boobs don’t even look that impressive.

if they looked freakishly large i might be able to embrace the amanda lepore look but no… i just look chubby. btw if you wanna send a hate comment about how i just am chubby, please come up with something more creative because i’m fully aware of my weight. if i wasn’t i wouldn’t have an eating disorder.

whenever i say to someone that i want a breast reduction they always have the most stupid responses.

it’s always something along the lines of “but guys love big boobs” or “you won’t be curvy anymore” or “that’s not a good reason”.

well guess what

A) i don’t want guys staring at my chest.

B) if i wanted to be curvy i wouldn’t methodically starve myself!!!!!!!

C) i thought it was pretty clear when i talk about my body that i want to be emaciated

D) if you want a better reason for me getting a breast reduction: MY BACK HURTS. SO. BAD. CONSTANTLY.

so there. please stop looking at my body as an attention getting device rather than a mode of self expression.


p.s i’m so nervous about my dress i bought because i have a sneaking suspicion that it won’t fit my chest. it said 38 inches around the upper chest and my upper chest is smaller than that but there was no measurement given for the horrifying chest mound area.

why did i have to be cursed with giant mounds of fat attached to my flesh prison?

i wanna buy a chest binder.

p.p.s thank you for watching my tips video and reading my post!

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language

15 language learning tips

This post took a while to  write. hopefully it’ll be helpful for you!♡

there is an accompanying video on youtube if you would prefer to watch a video

my video

Listen to music in the target language while studying or study in silence.

I find that whenever I study while english audio is playing I’ll find myself listening too hard to whatever’s playing. I also recommend listening to music in the target language in general because I believe it’s a good way to begin to understand wordplay. I suppose chamber music could work too because of the lack of words.

Take notes on online resources

If you’re a user of online resources or apps like Duolingo, Memrise, or Lingodeer i would recommend you write down what you don’t know. I find that if i play Duolingo like a game I end up retaining less information and I tend to just click through the levels robotically. This does not apply if you use the apps as a review tool or to sharpen your skills in a language you already know like how I use Duolingo to practice spanish, which I’m already fluent in.

when it comes to online resources i recommend duolingo and memrise but i recommend lingodeer the most. here are some photos of some of the things one does in a lesson on lingodeer.

If aiming for polyglotism, translate example sentences into all target languages

I would recommend buying a cheap notebook to write sentences in all of your languages. For example if you’re learning swedish, bulgarian, and tagalog from your first language english, write any practice sentences in all of those languages. I find that this helps me to better understand the similarities and differences between each language. By doing this one can also understand grammar better because most languages have different grammar rules and thus one can, for instance underline all verbs to see where verbs lie in relation to the verbs in the other languages. 

Learn to type in the target language

Learning to type may not have bee so important about a decade ago, but in our modern technologically minded society, it is necessary to be able to type in your second language. This is pretty simple to do on a smartphone because the letters on the keys will change, but on a computer one must memorize where each letter lies on the qwerty keyboard. Knowing how to type in your second language will make it easier to look things up in the target language, thus helping you find new online resources, or allow you to type something out if somebody doesn’t understand your accent.

Do listening practice outside of your home

When you’re at home you can control how many distractions you have but if you’re walking around your neighborhood you don’t have quite as much reign. Dealing with barking dogs can help you to better focus and improve your fine hearing skills. I like to listen to the coffee break chinese podcast on my morning walks and it’s really improved my ability to hear the differences in tones to be outside with noise while listening to chinese speakers.

Listen to how people with a different first language speak your target language

It’s important to not just know how certain people speak each language, so understanding people with a different accent than natives or you can improve your listening abilities. This can also help you to see how others make errors which can prevent you from making similar ones.

Come to terms with the fact that you’ll most likely never speak like a native

I personally find accents really charming, so i fully embrace this fact. I know it can be depressing for others, however because everyone wants to be the best and everyone wants to fit in. 

MEMORY PALACE

The memory palace method is a memorization technique that basically boils down to choosing a place that you walk through often and assigning landmarks in the area a word or phrase. For example, I had a very hard time remembering the korean word for nurse but when I assigned my bed that word and said it out loud each time I saw my bed I remembered the word well and now it’s one of my best memorized words.

Learn onomatopoeia in the target language

Onomatopoeia are the action noises people use (example: pow, crash , bang, woof). If you don’t learn these you may find yourself confused when you hear people making vaguely doglike noises that you don’t recognize when asked what sound a dog makes. This can probably also help if you’re a manga reader.

Take brakes from learning new words every once in a while

I find that if once i learn about 100 new words i take a break to focus on using those words and truly integrating them into my vocabulary that my ability to create original sentences progresses at a faster rate. This also helps me to drill words into my head and allows me to see all the ways 100 words can be combined.

Read things you’re interested in

I don’t think most reading material intended for language learners is helpful. I find that I am supremely uninterested in reading these simple structured pieces. Thus, I read celebrity gossip in other languages. I especially enjoy reading korean netizen comments on celebrities. Reading things that weren’t made specifically for language learners can really help you to see just how far along you are in each language because you can see just how much you recognize.

Keep “artifacts” in the language you’re learning

I like to hoard packaging. I’ll sometimes read through the backs of food packages to read the ingredients and directions so I can see words over and over again and once i fully understand what is written on the package i get rid of it. This is just another way to help you immerse yourself.

here are a few of my artifacts

Try using a few websites in your target language.

For example if you’re learning chinese get a weibo account or if you’re learning japanese get an ameba/ameblo account. I find that scrolling through weibo every once in a while really helps me to speed up my reading of chinese characters.

Don’t focus on travel tips or survival phrases

If you’re actually trying to learn the language, you don’t need to worry about learning “where is the bathroom” right away. You’ll probably learn all the survival phrases you need within a month of focused, pointed studying.

Have multimedia resources

My belief in using a lot of resources is probably pretty easy to see from this post but i really truly believe that using only online resources is limiting and will let you down when the internet is down at your house and you need to study. Just having one workbook can really help in preventing fatigue from repeating the same motions with online resources and allows for more flexible studying. if you can’t afford to buy a workbook, be sure to take thorough notes on online resources so you can review.

Uncategorized

first recipe: gochujang TVP burritos

I didn’t know what to post today. I’ve worked all day on my language learning tips video and post and I plan on posting them both tomorrow but it feels like there’s nothing to talk about.

so i’m gonna teach you how to cook what i’m gonna eat for dinner.

 

Gochujang TVP burrito recipe:

  • 1/4 of a cup of textured vegetable protein
  • 1/2 tsp Tajin
  • 1 1/2 tsp gochujang
  • 1/3 of a cup of water
  • 1 9 inch-ish tortilla
  • whatever toppings you like i.e salsa, vegan cheese, guacamole, crumbled up tortilla chips (i put on ketchup because i’m a heathen)

in a small bowl combine TVP and water and stir well.

slowly add in tajin and gochujang making sure to stir until there are no chunks (i stir with a chopstick).

while the TVP soaks for about 12 minutes, cook/warm your tortilla in a large skillet.

once the TVP is softened, spritz the aforementioned skillet with a nonstick spray (or use a very nonstick skillet) and cook the TVP on high-medium heat until barely browned.

insert the TVP into the tortilla and top with whatever you want (ketchup if you’re gross like me)

consume

 

so yeah… thanks for reading. i hope you like this meal if you decide to cook it! 

please recommend my blog to your friends if you like it! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

fashion?

first purchase with my debit card!

i made my first purchase with my card today!

i’ve been debating what to use it for and i finally settled on a decision this morning.

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i bought my first japanese branded dress!

it’s an axes femme dress and i’m super excited because it was in my opinion a really decent price and i’ve wanted a similar dress for a while.

why are all of the floral patterns available in the US so weird?

i don’t know how to explain it they’re just… garish.

they’re always too bright and large and the pattern doesn’t match up well on the form.

whatever i can’t be bitter because i’m so excited about my dress!!!

p.s i made my first paycheck from monetizing my blog today! 6 whole cents woohoo!

p.p.s if you really like my blog and want me to make a few more cents please recommend my blog to your friends. ♡♡♡♡

p.p.p.s i’m still working on my language tips post and video and they should both be up on friday ♡

Uncategorized

celebrity babies

since i love revealing everything about myself to the internet i wanna tell y’all about an interest of mine.

the children of celebrities.

 

i think this may be because when i was growing up there were two things in the tabloids: suri cruise and angelina jolie’s adoptions.

i was very clearly influenced because i’m currently counting down until cardi b has her baby. i think cardi b’s daughter will be a new top celebrity child for me (nobody will ever dethrone blue ivy though) because i think she’ll be dressed the hell up from the second she’s out of the womb if cardi’s fashion is any indication.

i also can’t wait until meghan markle has a kid though i won’t be disappointed if she doesn’t so don’t take that as pressure, although i’m sure she doesn’t care what the common folk think about her womb.

yeah… another dumb post! super exciting.

Uncategorized

making fun of the “carnivore diet”

so since i’m a masochist i really like to go through the ketogenic diet tags on twitter and instagram to make myself gag. i’ve always liked to go through shaun bakers twitter specifically because i think he’s just the most pompous mess of a human. baker eats nothing but meat (look up his blood tests, they’re awful) and i always thought he was an outlier but it turns out there’s a bunch of people like him.

 

let’s make fun of their twitter posts *trigger warning dead bodies*

 

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very balanced. just like an english bulldog (that joke is funny because they’re top heavy)
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you hear that? no fruits. scurvy is the healthiest state for the human body
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i thought you cared about being able to do what you want? why can’t vegetarians?
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aren’t you supposed to be tough? you care this much about zootopia? …probably because your testosterone levels are abysmal.
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are you the dentist from little shop of horrors? i don’t think you like your diet, i think you’re just a sadist.

i didn’t wanna include the screenshot but there’s a few posts from a father about feeding his child this way and honestly i’m not trying to be mean but PLEASE DON’T. coming from a lifelong vegetarian who has never had any major health issues that weren’t eating disorder symptoms: an orange won’t kill your kid. please consider that you may be alienating him from the world. again, not to be a cunt because i know i’m not a parent but you know what i do know? the academy of nutrition and dietetics does not endorse an all meat diet for young children. please reconsider and let your kid eat some fucking spinach.

this post is stupid but i really wanted to make fun of people today.

if you’re a “carnivore” (even though physiologically you’re an omnivore, sorry) please respond to this because i’d love to make fun of you as well. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ if you don’t wanna comment remember that i have a contact tab on my blog through which you can email me♡

i’m gonna go eat some sourdough

Uncategorized

untitled post 2

so i may make this untitled post thing a series because i have these urges to write something but i don’t have a topic or anything so you may be seeing a lot of these untitled posts.

so first order of business: my weekly bullet journal spread.

here it is

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i used crayola supertips for the large boxes and pilot juice pens (.38mm) for the lettering. my tape is from a set of 48 washi tapes i bought on amazon.


next on the agenda: i have a new podcast i really like. it’s called coffee break chinese and i listen to one episode on each of my morning walks and i’ve learned a ton of new words (like how to say diarrhea) and it’s helped with my speech because i repeat the example sentences like a crazy person as i pace across my neighborhood.


i’m in the middle of making my study tips post and i’m gonna make an accompanying youtube video so you don’t have to read what i expect to be a long, photo heavy post (also because i think it would reach more people on youtube).


i’ve been doing my makeup just to sit around recently because i’m trying to get better at makeup. i’ve been doing my eyeliner really large and further dragged out from my actual eye lately because it makes my eyes seem bigger in photos. i used to do my eyeliner very horizontal when i was like a sophomore in high school and i still kinda like the look of a pound of thick black eyeliner so i’m doing very thick eyeliner but less parallel to the floor.

wanna see some old photos of me?

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look at the progression of eyeliner
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i really thought i was being artsy in the courtyard of my school 
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LOOK AT MY EYELINER. it’s kinda cute…
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i wore those glasses for too long
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me when i was 13. clumpy lashes and everything

so you can hopefully understand me when i discuss thick eyeliner because it’s kinda my livelihood since i was like 12 and i bought my first liquid liner.

this post is cluttered. i like it.

Uncategorized

liveblogging black panther

i still have’nt seen black panther yet so i’ve decided i should liveblog my comments as i finally watch it. i love talking during movies so imagine i’m leaning over at you in the movie theatre making these comments.

  • this intro is super cool in animation even if it starts with the princess bride style narrative
  • is that an armalite rifle?
  • oop we love a shaved head on a woman
  • ugh i love wax print fabric
  • aaaaaAAAAA DRAMA IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES
  • that marvel intro with the comic book pages flipping is still corny they really need to change it
  • good god chadwick boseman is cute
  • danai gurira too
  • imagine if in the black panther helmet there was just another head
  • aah lupita! she surprised me there
  • oop t’challas gonna kill everyone
  • WALLAHI (i love hearing one of my favorite words)
  •  ok scenery, go off
  • you ever think about how in real life africa there are a lot of technological advancements being made but nobody ever gives any african person credit?
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGELA BASSETT
    ooh critical social commentary in a marvel movie
  • YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this is a whole ass conspiracy
  • i got goose bumps (waterfall scene)
  • the strength of the black panther. stripped. Away.
  • shuri is a relatable girl
  • oh my god
  • oh my god
  • mbaku doesn’t have to do this to me
  • you know winston duke apparently went to high school with jenna marbles?
  • holy colors
  • i love saturated colors but i also love desaturated colors so it’s hard to pick a favorite.
  • no it’s not i prefer desaturated colors
  • here’s a hot take: african and african inspired architecture is far nicer than any brutalist or minimalist architecture will ever be
  • is that the dude from get out?
  • i still haven’t seen get out i’m worried it’ll scare me
  • god i love elderly people
  • chadwick boseman must hate doing the wakandan salute more than i hate being in the same room as turkey meat
  • i love how shuri pronounces korea
  • i hope i hear lupita say something in korean
  • was that a “what are those”?
  • oooo boy that outfit’s fresh
  • c’mon wig
  • MY WISH CAME TRUE
  • lupita saying 고마워 is gonna be my new ringtone
  • is that the dude from sherlock? i hated that show. except for the first episode
  • C’MON WIG
  • a soundcloud joke?
  • COME. ON. WIG.
  • wow, this dude’s got shooters
  • there’s kendrick
  • shuri is like the funniest character ever in a superhero movie
  • “guns. so primative” true.
  • i love to see lupita look like she’s having fun
  • i should stop acting like i’m on a first name basis with lupita n’yongo
  • yes more lupita speaking korean
  • erik killmonger is kinda just a bemused hotep if you boil down all of his traits
  • is killmonger the child of the uncle?
  • this is a lot of social commentary. i bet 60% of the audience didn’t get it.
  • they have horses
  • every scene shuri’s in is golden
  • COLONIZER
  • i hope chadwick and lupita kiss
  • this movies long, huh
  • i love dismissive laughter
  • yessss another waterfall fight
  • imagine being an extra in black panther and having that on your resume for the rest of your life
  • i-RAQ
  • wasn’t michael b jordan the human torch in fantastic 4?
  • lupitas about to snap some necks
  • purple skies again. still amazing.
  • wow killmonger sucks
  • he really choked an old lady
  • hmmmaybe being extremely violent won’t give people the best impression but i guess if you’re killing everyone that doesn’t matter
  • wow look at all these giant dudes
  • mbaku’s back to make me internally scream again
  • i love a vegetarian king
  • angela bassett’s range is unmatched.
  • HE LIVES!!!!!!!!!
  • look at all these OUTFITS
  • tchallas like violet from the incredibles
  • fucking rhinos!?!!!!!!
  • oh i will witness the might of the jabari. don’t you worry
  • these rhinos are the best sfx in the whole movie
  • WITHOUT QUESTION
  • this death scene is very anxiety inducing
  • is he not gonna die?
  • oop slavery reference
  • update: he died
  • everybody in this movie has perfect skin what the hell
  • YES THEY KISSED
  • “coachella or disneyland” why is shuri the funniest character ever?
  • is this sza in the ending credits?
  • i recently listened to ctrl for the first time and sza is a vocalist.
  • every once in a while the ending credits from this movie circulate on tumblr and i watch it all the way through each time and right now is no exception

short review of black panther:

10/10 so good

i love seemingly lighthearted media with social commentary interwoven in. i also love lupita nyongo and winston duke.

 

language

my first youtube video!

my last post about language learning got so many views very fast, so i thought “there must be a lot of people who wanna know about the study habits of a polyglot.” i also have a lot of interest in study with me videos so i thought to combine both of these and make my own study with me video!

it took me a lot of effort and about 5 hours to record and edit this video so if you could watch it or send it to someone or just think for a second “hmm mikah put in a lot of effort to make a video today” that would be super appreciated.

 

my video!

 

if you don’t wanna watch the video here’s the thumbnail for it to maybe entice you

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if this video receives a positive response (i.e no death threats) i’ll be sure to make more of them because i actually enjoyed the process.

ED Recovery

ED recovery update #9

i really wanna relapse.

it’s so hard to feel good about yourself when you feel like you have no self control.i’m very aware of the fact that me eating at all is control oriented because if i really had no control i would starve.

i have one really good motivator for not relapsing though…

i don’t wanna lose my hair again.

fun fact about me: i have a few bald spots because my hair would fall out in clumps at the height of my ED.

right now i’m just focusing on eating anything 3 times a day. i think if i can get through this moment where my urges are strong i’ll be able to revert to my positive eating habits, so i’m kinda just waiting this out.

ヽ(  ´  ∇  `  )ノ

p.s

i’m working on a language learning tips post right now but it requires a lot of photos and thus a lot of photo editing.