day in the life July 31st, 2018

你好, 我的名字是 Mikah.

i don’t know why i felt the need to introduce myself in mandarin, but i did it.

i feel like i’m stagnating as far as stuff to right about goes so i guess i’ll tell you how my day went.

i woke up at 5:30 much to my chagrin and since it was so close to 6:30 (when i try to wake up) i decided i’d just stay up. i watched a few reviews on the casio tr mini which i really wanna buy. and then i listened to some music. i’ve been listening to into the new world by snsd a lot lately, it’s such a good song i really recommend it if you somehow haven’t heard it before.

suddenly it was 6:45 so i got up and started preparing for my morning walk. i checked on the animals, put on my outfit & sunscreen and then i went on my walk. i cut my walk short because my hips have been really irritated recently and i started to hurt around 35 minutes into walking so i went back home.

once i got home i stretched since i was well warmed up and then i started studying. i studied mandarin and japanese for about 2 hours. i filmed some of it but i didn’t realize until after filming that my camera didn’t film where my paper was and rather filmed my desk the whole time. big mad.

then i had breakfast: oatmeal with peanut butter.

i moved to the living room where i lived for a while. i read a few of qiu qiu’s old blog posts (i recommend reading qiu qiu’s blog if you never have) and then i did something kind of embarrassing.

i put on makeup just to take pictures of myself.

the pictures i took turned out wonderful though. here’s one:

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i then removed my makeup and ate lunch.

my lunch was late, around 15:00, so now i’m not very hungry for dinner.

i got a new chinese book in the mail (thanks mom) and now i’ve moved once again to my bed where i’m writing this…

i’m probably gonna have rice and avocado for dinner because i don’t feel up to making anything fancy.

i’ll add an edit if anything interesting happens.

 

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almost 18

my 18th birthday is in less than a week…

i’m not excited.

i’m terrified in fact.

i’ll be officially an adult and once that hits me i’m gonna feel even less accomplished.

for my whole life i’ve felt like i’m super behind everyone else because i was late to the game as far as fashion, social skills, relationships, etc. so now i have a new milestone to say “well i’m an adult and i still haven’t done this” so my self esteem is definitely gonna take a blow on my 18th birthday.

i’ve never been a super happy person on my birthdays because it’s almost always less of an exciting thing for me and more of a reminder that i’m gonna die someday and thus mildly horrifying.

i suppose since this post and my general philosophy are so negative i’ll make some resolutions for my 18th year. i’ve never done new years resolutions but i’ve always silently had goals that i want to reach by a certain age. so before i’m 19…

  • i’ll write 25 songs
  • i’ll improve each language skill by at least one level (i.e beginner to intermediate)
  • i’ll get my blog to 500 wordpress followers
  • i’ll get better at photography.
  • i’ll try to post 1 video per week
  • i’ll lighten my acne scars even more
  • i’ll find a good voice lesson teacher
  • i’ll keep myself from relapsing
  • i’ll remember to take my meds/vitamins daily
  • i’ll reach 700 tumblr followers
  • i’ll always be hydrated
  • i’ll try to minimize the times i break my nails
  • i’ll make 5 new friends

here’s a picture of me before you leave

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edited in meitu with stickers added in line camera

please follow my blog if you wanna read more posts like this

i really appreciate my readers ♡

July 22nd-28th Study Log

This week was the first implementation of my new study initiative!

July 22nd- 10 minutes Mandarin 10 minutes Russian

July 23rd- 25 minutes Japanese 15 minutes Korean

July 24th- 20 minutes Russian 30 minutes Mandarin

July 25th- 10 minutes Russian 40 minutes Mandarin

July 26th- 25 minutes Russian

July 27th- 30 minutes Japanese 20 minutes Korean

July 28th- 30 minutes Korean 15 minutes Japanese

 

I’m a little disappointed in myself because i didn’t study any swahili this week 😦 so I’m gonna focus more on swahili this coming week.

i was right! again!

if you’re acquainted with hippy twitter or social justice twitter you may have had the displeasure of encountering @*y*n*theor*cle (asterisks added to be nice).

well the other day she made a really top notch tweet and i feel a need to dissect what i believe is the logic behind it.

so what is this tweet i speak of?

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names and faces blocked because i’m so nice

 

so you may wonder why i titled this post the way i did. well i have been mortified every time i see one of her tweets on my timeline for over 4 months. this woman just doesn’t seem like a good person if you go through her twitter and i’ve felt that way for a while and she just so happened to have confirmed my suspicions.

so hahaha i’m right

these spiritual people probably make me more wary than athiest and religious communities ever will because they say absolutely horrible stuff and excuse it under the guise of karmic energy, astrology, and vibes. (for those of you who don’t know, vibes is my least favorite word in the english language)

now, it’s time to unpack the mental gymnastics it takes to actually think of, type out, and post this tweet.

first lets dissect the tweet itself and discuss the elements that make up the concepts discussed.

  • poor people have privilege over people with more money
  • karma is real (i won’t be touching on this one in this post because i don’t want death threats from spiritual people)
  • shoplifting is wrong no matter what
  • people who steal lack consciousness (whatever that means)

 

this tweet obviously is a show of how out of touch this woman is and before i even start to write about this chao chee bye woman just know this isn’t how a usually am, i just really can’t stand her and don’t get how one can support her.

i’ll be elaborating on 2 of my previously mentioned elements: poor people have privilege and shoplifting is always wrong.

 

shoplifting is always wrong

this doesn’t need a ton of elaboration because i am guessing that my audience agrees with me than shoplifting can at times be a neutral action so i’ll just give examples of times when i don’t believe shoplifting is wrong in case the author of the tweet is reading this.

  • a poor woman shoplifting baby formula
  • “looting” necessary supplies during a natural disaster
  • shoplifting medicine
  • stealing mill-bred animals from pet shops in activist demonstrations
  • a malnourished person stealing enough food to allow them to survive
  • stealing animals from factory farms so as to prevent them from living awful lives and being brutally slaughtered

it is important before ending this section of my post that i make sure it’s clear that i did in fact read the tweets and i know that she originally was discussing stealing from self checkout. however she doubled down and said she “pays for her items” implying that she doesn’t only mean stealing in this one circumstance, she means all stealing.

poor people have privilege

this is one of the least thought out statements i’ve ever heard. shocking because i live in america, the place that perfected not thinking.

i’m going to try to look at this from a place of nuance (despite the total lack of nuance in the statement) and assume she means privilege in the common left leaning way that basically means if you have privilege you can still have problems but those problems aren’t because of your privilege. i italicized that because it will be integral in understanding my point of view.

so let’s all imagine the poor have some privilege that we just don’t talk about.

this would mean:

  • starvation and malnourishment are caused by something other than lack of access to food
  • food desserts shouldn’t exist because if the poor have privilege they should be able to get out, right?
  • the poor have greater opportunities than the rich
  • poor people in the “global south” aren’t being actively hurt by side effects of capitalism
  • schools with lower funding offer a benefit to students that higher funding schools don’t have the ability to give
  • etc etc

we all know this is all 胡说 (nonsense/bullsh*t) so how did she think saying this made any sense?

her judgement is clouded because she’s been socially conditioned, of course.

in uber capitalist societies like the US (where i think she’s from) we are taught from a young age that our future is 100% in our hands and if we want to get more money we should just work harder.

this philosophy completely ignores the implicit biases that employers have and the opportunities that lower income children are denied from birth. yet because we live in a society that hinges on people working their fingers to the bone for the lowest price according to cost benefit analysis, people are spoonfed this from the moment they leave the womb. very few people grasp that this “working as hard as you can is the way to succeed” mantra is 胡说! you know why nobody gets it?

social conditioning

so because this mindset is what i believe to be the result of social conditioning i’m gonna stop being so mean and end the post here.

thank you so much for reading this terrible post.

please follow my blog for more (less mean) content!♡♡♡

ED Recovery Update #11

it’s been a while since i last posted one of these so let’s get some logistics out of the way.

  • it’s been just over 4 months since i finished my intensive outpatient program.
  • i’ve been calorie counting a little (i know don’t burn me at the stake)
  • i still drink about 4L of water a day
  • my big goal  nowadays is to find more foods to enjoy
  • i do moderate exercise in the form of walking/jogging mainly so i can get out of the house

ok so now that that’s out of the way, how have i been?

well i still drink water in large quantities quickly because i’m terrible at reminding myself to drink and then i get super thirsty and drink a liter at a time. i take walks a little less frequently because i’m still getting back to my normal routine after my trip.

i can’t get out of the habit of counting calories reflexively because for so long i’ve just counted the second i see food. honestly i don’t feel super bad about it because right now i’m not using it as a restrictive tool.

with my goal of enjoying more food i’ve been making a bit of progress. i enjoy a few new foods including:

  • vanilla life cereal
  • avocado
  • soy sauce
  • pickled onions
  • rice with vinegar

i suppose that means i’m making good progress.

 

so at the end of this post i’d like to promote something i care about

one of my favorite podcasts the DIS unplugged is having a fundraiser for give kids the world in celebration of their 1000th episode and i’d love to help them reach their goal

please if you can look into this link and perhaps donate.

give kids the world fundraiser