it’s so hard to find a good personal blog

when i started my relationship with the internet, it was so easy to find people blogging about their day to day life, opinions, and interests.

nowadays it feels like every blog is carefully crafted to offer articles on a specific topic with well manicured graphics and list formatted tips.

this is not what i love about blogs.

i like to be a fly on the wall and feel like i’m making a connection with the person whose blog i’m reading (that’s why i like foxxy fay’s blog so much). it was as though every interesting person was making content online pertaining to their interestingness.

it’s the same with youtube, now almost everyone makes videos that are high definition with nice backgrounds and no missteps in speech.

now, i’m not usually one to spout “get back to the good old days” rhetoric but there is a very vocal part of me that wants to get back to the good old days of blogging when everything felt more personal.

so i guess i’ll end this post with a call to action:

if you’re a blogger maybe make a personal post and send me a link to it or if you don’t do personal blog posts whatsoever and you know a good personal blog send me a link to that.

you don’t even have to send me a link if you don’t want to but i do want to encourage others to make more personal blog posts because i swear there are people out there who want to get to know you.

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my first promotional post!

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yesterday i made my first deal with an independent artist.

i now have a discount code with the storenvy shop biscuitsxmonsters!

the artist makes dolls and accessories that are creepy-cute and i think the items are adorable.

please check out their store: biscuitsxmonsters

my discount code: dearmikah

my discount code gives you free shipping and right now there’s a sale going on so you should shop now! ♡♡♡

a fake out by death

i had an experience that made me cry for about an hour after.

i thought i was watching my cat die last night.

my cat, maddie, is a very light sleeper and so whenever i pet her while she’s sleeping she will 9 times out of 10 wake up and yell at me (meow). as i pet her last night however, she didn’t wake up.

this caused concern for me because not only is that abnormal for her, she is also an elderly cat.

so i went to pick up her head and her neck was limp.

i dropped her head and screamed.

in my terror i shook her and she finally woke up.

i texted my mom that i thought she was dying and while waiting for a response i tried to get her to move more.

when i put her on her legs it was as though she had no bones in her legs because she just fell onto the bed.

maddie didn’t get up or move her legs for about 5 minutes after and every minute felt like an hour for me.

luckily she did get up and walked over to the water bowl at the end of my bed and took a drink.

i guess the moral of the story here is to be really nice to your pets because they’re pretty much sure to die in your lifetime.

that’s super morbid but it’s true.

now i’m gonna hang out with maddie because i’m terrified she’ll die. 😦

new study plans

i’ve been slacking on my studying since i came back from virginia.

so i’ve decided that i should tell you all about my study plans of the rest of the summer so i can have some accountability.

  • i will study at least 20 minutes daily
  • i will vary the languages which i study by the day so i don’t stagnate in any language
  • i will speak along as i take notes to improve my speaking skills and pronunciation
  • i will do handwriting practice following each note taking session
  • i will review past lessons at least 4x per week
  • i will post my weekly study logs

so maybe if you want you could also discuss your study plans or follow mine and we can motivate each other.

yay! let’s all get smarter!

diet soda

i’ve recently developed a mild obsession with diet pepsi. it began when i accidentally got a cup of diet pepsi instead of regular pepsi and there were a lot of people around so i didn’t wanna pour it out and look like an asshole. so i put in some of the vanilla flavor mixer and guess what?

i’ve never tasted anything better.

i’ve never been a huge soda drinker but ever since i tried diet pepsi i’ve wanted one basically every day for about a month.

there’s a very interesting vitriol directed toward diet soda by the body positive community because you should eat intuitively and just enjoy what you want.

i am not a big supporter of this stance in a holistic way.

as a person who has gone through and is still working on eating disorder recovery i’ve heard “all food is good food” “eat intuitively” and “all food fits” quite a bit.

i feel like i should give my stance on the idea of specifically “all food is good food” for a bit because i find it to be the worlds most annoying statement.

warning: vegan preaching and discussions of eating disorders ahead

in my time having an eating disorder i have had 2 philosophies toward food: 1) it’s not the individual foods that are scary, it’s the calories 2) certain foods will make me fat and sick.

you’d think having had these two different experiences would put me in a place to support intuitive eating and “all food is good food”.

i however have 2 criticisms.

1: this implies that all foods have the same ethical/moral weight

2: eating intuitively looks different for different people and for certain people (such as myself) eating intuitively would mean not eating while for others it could mean overeating by a margin of 3000 calories

lets expand, shall we

not all foods have the same ethical weight. this is where i talk veganism by the way. i don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but paying for the killing of a sentient being for food and paying for the harvesting of grain are 2 actions with different moral weight. before i get comments about how animals are inevitably killed in the food harvesting process, i know. far fewer animals die in this way than die in slaughterhouses however and our goal as empathetic beings should be to minimize suffering.

i’m not one to shame the eating patterns of others (by eating pattern i mean frequency and quantity) but it is important when you tell people to eat what they want to do so in a rational manner. to give an anecdote, i absolutely hate the experience of eating. it’s uncomfortable, i feel sad when i do it, and very few things taste good enough to make up for my hatred of the texture of chewed up food in my mouth. if i were to eat how i want, i wouldn’t. (i know that’s the ed talking probably)

i get that when people say these food positive statements they’re trying to dismantle the concept of good and bad foods. this could be ok if looked at with more nuance than can be given when critical analysis is reduced to feel good quotes that can be plastered on tshirts and in instagram bios.

maybe we should put more emphasis onto extended analysis of structures in place rather than trying to make statements that look good on an enamel pin.

just my 2 cents though.

my falafel recipe

  • 1 can chickpeas drained and rinsed
  • 1/4 cup flour of your choice (i’ve tried with all purpose and chickpea flour)
  • 3 tablespoons nutritional yeast
  • 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1 teaspoon garlic (fresh or powder work)
  • parsley until you like it
  • a pinch of powdered ginger
  • cardamom to taste
  • my secret ingredient: 1 tablespoon of rice vinegar
  • salt to taste

blend or mash the chickpeas until they’re a chunky paste. mix in flavorants. add flour.

form into balls or patties and bake for about 30 minutes on 385 degrees farenheit.

 

i don’t have any good ideas today so i thought i’d give you guys one of my favorite recipes that i finally perfected yesterday.

health is not a moral virtue

tw: eating disorders, discussion of weight loss, discussion of body shaming

not to try to be a psychiatrist or anything but i have a theory:

maybe if we weren’t terrible to fat people, fewer people would develop eating disorders.

super original concept right?

this post is motivated by the “Insatiable” trailer that so many people all over the internet are upset because of and rightfully so

if you haven’t seen the trailer, don’t worry. it’s every other story about a fat person losing weight by unhealthy means (in this case getting her jaw wired shut) and then finally being happy and getting revenge.

i’m not going to be writing specifically about the trailer but rather about my personal life philosophy.

let’s discuss beauty standards, shall we? *i’m still sitting in a chair like a youth minister*

i’m of the belief that rather than expanding beauty standards we should abolish them. i also am a person who is mildly annoyed by overuse of the term beauty standards but that’s a topic for another post.

when i say abolish i don’t necessarily want to insinuate that the persuit of perceived beauty is morally bankrupt or anything, just that beauty shouldn’t be a factor in measuring ones value, ya know?

anyone who has lived in a place where you can consume media (you’re probably one of them because you’re reading this) may have noticed the pressure on everyone to “lose weight for summer” “tone up” “eat for your blood type” and my personal favorite “lose those last 5 pounds”. it’s never the last 5 pounds. once you lose them you wanna lose 10 more.

i mention the pressure to lose weight or as it’s known colloquially “diet culture” to note how beauty standards can lead to palpable pressure being put onto others to change.

i know that this post is very obvious so far, i’m getting somewhere.

this pressure manifests in a very insidious manner, especially recently.

BE HEALTHY

DO KETO

GAIN MUSCLE NOT FAT

60 CALORIE BREAD

LISS AND HIIT

EAT CAULIFLOWER RICE

do any of these ring a bell?

now, i’m not one to discourage a healthy lifestyle. my favorite food is literally oatmeal, i’m pretty healthy.

what i find disgusting is the implication that ones health is morally righteous.

as though people with high blood pressure can’t volunteer.

another important thing to note is that when people treat health as a moral virtue they only seem to direct their criticism toward fat people rather than extending their opinion to the reasonable end in which they would (in order to not be hypocritical) have to make similar statements toward those with say… STDs.

this oversight is clear proof that these people who say anyone over roughly a size 12 shouldn’t post photos online out of fear of “glorifying obesity” don’t genuinely care about health because they’d say we shouldn’t allow activists with an STD platform to speak out of fear of “glorifying illness”.

i’m gonna stop with the gotcha and discuss some statistics and lived experiences so if by chance a body shamer is reading this post i may change their mind.

in my life i have always been a larger kid, taller and never the thinnest in the room.

i now have a restrictive eating disorder.

this is no surprise because:

  • 30-50% of ED patients suffered depression and/or anxiety prior to the ED
  • About 1 in 3 ED patients suffered previous obsessive compulsive symptoms
  • 89% of girls have dieted by age 17
  • 15% of young women have disordered eating
  • 42% of girls in grades 1-3 want to lose weight
  • 45% of boys and girls in grades 3-6 want to be thinner
  • 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls say they feel better about themselves when they are dieting
  • 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat
  • 9% of nine year olds have vomited to lose weight
  • The rate of death for women with ED is 12 times higher than other women of similar ages
  • About 1,000 women die each year from ED due to malnutrition, heart attack and suicide

these stats are taken from the body image center, who got their stats from ABC news and nationaleatingdisorders.org

i don’t believe that it is righteous to require statistics in order to treat others better but i have a sneaking suspicion that these people don’t care all too much about how others feel.

your health does not make you a morally better person and losing weight does not increase your moral weight.

this post is cluttered like every other post on my blog but i hope you get the point. i also hope this post isn’t upsetting for my followers with EDs.