things i’m gonna get better at

this post is gonna be lowercase again because i have next to no energy.

sometimes when bad things happen to me i use that as a catalyst for change and this recent tragedy hasn’t done that for me so i’m gonna motivate myself artificially.

here’s some things i’m gonna get better at:

  • singing
  • russian
  • dancing
  • balance
  • flexibility
  • being less easily brought to tears
  • caligraphy
  • drawing

today i really thought about the future i want, a future where i feel really appreciated and wanted and i’ve made the epiphany that if i want to attract high caliber things/opportunities/people then i need to be a high caliber person. once i have my big break people are gonna say “wow she’s a natural” and i won’t correct them but inside i’ll know that i did things myself and they didn’t come to me.

that sounds so cheesy and pinterest-y.

i sound like one of those soundcloud rappers who always talks about the grind, whatever that is.

but i swear to you these things are gonna happen in my life:

  • i’m gonna be famous
  • i’m gonna have a fulfilling marriage
  • i’m gonna have a bunch of extremely happy pets
  • i’m gonna have hip length hair (in it’s natural state)
  • i’m gonna have enough money to just buy things and not worry

i don’t believe in hippy shit like the law of attraction but i do believe in the chase and this chick is gonna chase for the rest of her life.

i can’t believe i called myself a chick. honestly i just didn’t wanna say “this b*tch” because my family reads my blog but who cares anymore.

we’re all gonna die.

does that counteract the awful pinterest quoteness of this post?

you know who the worst type of person is?

people who just spout quotes at you when you feel bad as though some regurgitated string of words from ghandi is gonna make you stop crying. those people suck.

in general optimists like that annoy me to no end. i try not to discuss my disdain for blind optimism too much because people tend to get mad at me when i mention that i may even in the slightest be a pessimist as though that’s like being a criminal, but who cares, as  i said before: we’re all gonna die.

as a side note, i don’t think people tend to understand the tone of my posts. this is exemplified when people get extremely concerned over posts that are neutral in tone at worst while being happy for me when i make posts that for me are extremely sad and full of pain. i don’t think a lot of people understand my speech patterns.

i wish i was tough enough to always say what’s on my mind but i’m not at all.

i’m so scared of people who know me sending me discouraging emails and stuff like that.

& please don’t tell me to not care about what other people think either because i have some bad news: what other people think of you is all that you are to them.

like, people always act in this moral nihilist way where they say to “do you” and “don’t worry what others think” as though your actions don’t have consequences or greater social implications. the worst part of this is that they do it under the guise of acceptance and optimism as if what they’re implying isn’t the most dark sh*t in the world!

you especially see this from anti-vegans as thought the meat industry (and supporting it) doesn’t cause immense suffering, but who cares what i think right?

i’m just rambling and complaining right now aren’t i?

let’s end this post here.


1 comment

Add Yours
  1. Foxxy Fay

    I agree with you, fake optimism won’t make anything happen. But keeping a positive mindset makes a difference in how you experience the world. I find that I’m more likely to relapse if I’m at my “natural” negative mindset, so I try to shift it and not let things bother me so much, I try to look for the positive and to take more notice of the things I actually like in my life. It’s not easy to think like that all the time, but I do feel like it helps me feel better and have better days even though I’m not doing what I wish I were. I hope this makes sense.

    I love that you have your goals and that you’re ready to chase them! Don’t forget about me when you’re famous! 💕


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.