Uncategorized

I Did It

Well everybody,

I posted every day in September.

I think by doing this I’ve gotten what I wanted out of the experiment in full.

I’ve gotten over my writers block. I’ve gotten better at setting aside time to blog. I’ve received quite a few new bog followers and readers. I think my content has improved. I’ve begun to appreciate my blog even more. I’ve made taking photos a bigger part of my life and while doing that I think my photography has gotten better.

I think I’m gonna try to maintain the habits I’ve made while blogging daily for the rest of my blogging career.

So thank you so much if you haven’t gotten annoyed by my entries, and I hope you’ll continue to read my blog!

 

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ED Recovery

ED Recovery Update #13

It’s been a while since one of these. There are probably new readers who don’t even know I’m recovering from an eating disorder at this point.

So here’s an update.

I haven’t had a hypoglycemic episode in a super long time. I think the last time I had one was in July. That makes me super happy.

I have been able to not use my “menu” for about 3 weeks right now. I generally have better hunger cues but I do sometimes need to force myself to eat. I’d say I force myself once every 2-3 days. That’s quite a bit better than my past average of forcing myself for about 1 meal a day.

I’m a little less scared when I get weighed. I still don’t trust myself to weigh myself at home but when I go to the doctor and need weighed, I can handle it. I also don’t really know my measurement right now. That’s really weird for me.

hmm…

Oh!

I don’t go for my daily walks anymore and it kinda makes me sad. I really enjoyed my walks, but I’m having a bout of anxiety right now so I’m too nervous to go for my walks. I wish people didn’t suck and dudes wouldn’t pull up to any unsuspecting girl and say nasty stuff.

I’m kinda low energy recently.

I don’t really know why. I think it may be a work thing. I don’t work every day, but I do have a bit of an emotional load from working. I feel like all the customers stare at me in a bad way. Most of the customers at the store I work at are 30-60 years old or so. I find that when I catch them staring there’s a vailed glare in their eyes. Maybe I’m just reading into it too much and they just have angry faces. I have like a mental reflex where if I see someone looking angrily at me, I think it’s about my body. Like they’re disgusted by me. I hate it. I know most of the time it’s because I come across as uppity (that’s what I’ve been told) but my ED mind is irrational.

I generally love being stared at (because I love attention) but when there’s a glare there I feel bad. I think anybody is like that though. Nobody likes to be glared at.

So that’s all that comes to mind when I think of ED stuff.

Thanks for reading.

language · Uncategorized

Study Log and Other Things

你好!

你们好吗?

我是高兴!

*translation*

Hello!

How are y’all?

I’m happy!

I need to start practicing typing on a keyboard in other languages because just those few words took me like 4 minutes. That’s far too long.

On my phone since it’s a touch screen the actual keyboard changes when I switch languages but on a real keyboard the letters don’t change. This makes typing in Korean and Japanese especially hard. Not as much with Mandarin because to type Mandarin I use pinyin.

Swahili’s easy though.

(that’s funny because Swahili use the same alphabet as English)

You know how I told you I’m behind in my Japanese and Chinese lessons?

Well I just got fully caught up! I’ve reached my goal for the month!

I went on Weibo for the first time in like 3 months today and I got 15 more followers without even doing anything! I wish more people I know used Weibo. It’s got such a good interface and it’s so intuitive. It would probably be my favorite social media network if people I know used it.

It’s also super good for learning new Chinese words.

Back when I used it more often I would go on Weibo and just look for characters I don’t recognize and copy and paste them into Naver translate then take notes. I learned words I’ve never encountered in any language learning material.

I’m gonna try to get back to posting study logs, I’ve been keeping track of my study habits, I just never post it. I guess I’ll tell you how I studied last week so I can tell you about this week on Sunday.

Sunday, September 16th: didn’t study 😦

Monday, September 17th: Japanese 25 minutes

Tuesday, September 18th: Mandarin 60 minutes, Japanese 75 minutes

Wednesday, September 19th: Mandarin 40 minutes

Thursday, September 20th: Swahili 60 minutes

Friday, September 21st: (reviewing mostly) Russian 15 minutes, Korean 30 minutes, Mandarin 60 minutes, Swahili 15 minutes

Saturday, September 22nd: Korean 20 minutes

ALSO!

I got my first article published on a website yesterday!

If you wanna read it here’s a link: https://lifehack.media/5-organization-tips-from-a-person-with-ocd

I’m so happy! I hope it gets a lot of reads!

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Uncategorized

The Case For Vapidity

I love photo editing apps with a sticker function like line camera, picsart, and rakuga cute.

I know a lot of people find the sticker thing to be really tacky but I don’t care one bit because I think they’re cute.

So here’s some pictures of me with stickers on them ♡

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img_3286img_3285img_3284img_3283img_3279img_3277

So, now that people have clicked out of this post for it being vapid or useless, let’s talk.

I wish people wouldn’t be unnecessarily critical toward people who have supposedly vapid interests.

This came to the forefront of my ind today as I’ve been looking at chess resources and chess news since I’m beginning my journey to become a chess player. People regard chess as an ultimate sport of the mind and as a completely non-frivolous endeavor. Why is that? If we think about it hard enough, chess is first and foremost a game. A game mainly played by the privileged. A game mainly played by the privileged with a community that is crawling with sexists, ableists, and people who look down on the “lower classes”.

Note that I don’t blame chess for these issues, I blame the community.

I was hoping to find a nice, intellectual community when I took a foray into a chess.com forum and boy was I wrong. People on that website are aggressive, quick to criticize, and rarely quick to disown racists and sexists in their community (in my experience).

Again, chess.com is not a proper sample of the entire chess community and I am not blaming the game or even the majority of players for the actions of anonymous dorks on forums.

I have discussed my appreciation for the “silly” many times on this blog.

I love:

  • taking pictures of myself
  • tiny dogs
  • stickers
  • pastel colors
  • makeup
  • stuffed animals
  • skincare
  • disney
  • lip gloss
  • doing hair
  • cooking
  • escapism
  • (tasteful) glitter
  • fashion
  • stationary
  • etc etc

and I will not allow others to dissuade me from my interests.

Anymore.

For a large period of my life, I’ve found myself shunning things that I truly like so that I won’t be seen as a bimbo, vain, stupid, or worthless in serious discussion. I’m sick of it!

Let me tell you a story.

When I took AP Music Theory at my second school of that year, I felt pretty ostracized. With the exception of a few friends in the class and one neutral dude, the class was populated by a judgmental clique. When I would raise my hand they would roll their eyes, I even heard one say “here we go again” one time. I would get stares when I wore my favorite outfits as though it’s a crime to not wear jeans and a sweatshirt every day like they did. They would laugh as I spoke.

You wanna know something funny though?

My teacher liked me, I got great grades in the class, and I ended up getting a 3 out of 5 on the AP exam (a score many of them failed to reach).

After that class and the drama that defined it for me, I decided to be a bit more shameless when it comes to doing what I like. For the next year or so I was slightly more shameless but there was still a lingering terror that hung above my head at the idea of dressing 100% the way I like or talking openly about my more vapid interests.

I love my blog but I think I’ve failed to truly express the more vacuous side of my nature. I think I’m in a period of transition.

I like having a place to be shameless.

I like encouraging others to live shamelessly.

I am so thankful to those who have told me I inspire them to blog!

So I will be a bit more me from here on.

And that includes stickers.

thank you for reading!

chess

I’m Gonna Learn To Play Chess

I’ve always found chess to be an interesting game and I’ve thought it’s very entertaining to monitor the politics of chess.

So I’m gonna become a chess player!

I didn’t know that there were chess websites and apps (don’t call me dumb for that) and since I learned about that today, I don’t have to buy a chess board and track down a person to teach me! Where I live, I don’t find many people who talk about chess. My high school didn’t have a chess club and if it did, I suspect it would’ve been a bit of a boys club and I wouldn’t feel very welcome.

I can’t wait to learn how to play the game and start playing other people!

It’s gonna be so cool, dudes.

Do you know what’s the epitome of opulence? a prominently displayed chess board.

Do you know where I’ll really stand out? A chess tournament.

Do you know what one of my favorite motifs in homestuck was? Chess

This is gonna be so great.

I wanna be one of those people who gets a picture taken with a chess board in front of them. You know the pictures I’m talking about? Those are cool.

I’m just so excited!

I’m gonna live one of my small dreams and this is a good step to start living bigger dreams.

I’m gonna do the occasional chess update because I think this is super interesting, so look out for those!

Thanks for reading!

Morning Pages

Morning Pages: September 26th, 2018

Hello.

Wanna read 900 words of nonsense?

You’re in the right place.

I have a video uploading to youtube right now (I’ll embed it if it finishes uploading while I’m typing) and it’s kinda nonsensical. I wanna make really consistent videos on there rather than videos that don’t have any unifying factor but I also just wanna post whatever I film. It’s tough to figure out which feeling is stronger.

I kinda wanna start making beauty videos. I may start posting those in conjunction with other types of videos. I think I have some unique perspectives when it comes to stuff like hair and makeup because I rarely see people who do their hair and makeup like I do.

You know what, I’m glad I started typing this because I’ve decided that’s what I’m gonna do.

Did you guys know they sell vegan cheese at Aldi now!?

It’s really good too!

If you shop at Aldi and they have the vegan cheese in stock, I recommend you buy some. The mozzarella shreds have that bite to them that dairy mozzarella has and it’s really nice. It also gets stringy when it melts like dairy mozzarella.

I finally surpassed 300 instagram followers last night! My big goal is to reach 1000 before my next birthday (August of 2019), so it’s pretty exciting to be 3/10 of the way there.

Instagram is great. I think a lot of people are unfairly critical of social media in general, but especially instagram. In my opinion, instagram is like a magazine but you get to personally curate what you want to see. A lot of people say it gives people body dysmorphia and eating disorders, but I think that’s a super disrespectful take. People with body dysmorphia are mentally ill and so are people with eating disorders. As a person who is literally recovering from an eating disorder, I think it’s super reductive to blame an app for people experiencing eating disorders. I think maybe if we wanted to reduce the amount of eating disorder patients, we should try to focus on debunking body based stereotypes. I know a lot of my ED stuff comes from not wanting to seem lazy, tough, or manly. If we didn’t associate higher weights with negative traits like laziness and masculinity (in women, I know masculinity isn’t a bad thing) we would likely see fewer people going to unhealthy extents to lose weight.

But back to instagram.

I love being able to see what a person values in life. I think what a person put on their instagram page is very telling as to what they value. For example, I follow a friend who really values the inside jokes she shares with her friends so a lot of her posts are cryptic inside jokes. In my case, I really value aesthetics and nature so my entire feed it visually focused and my captions are particularly uninteresting. I refuse to post things on my instagram that I don’t find aesthetically pleasing whereas a lot of people will post something they may find ugly because they value it.

That’s cool!

You know what’s making me kinda sad?

Tumblr is dying out.

Why couldn’t it be reddit!?

For years, tumblr was my number one social media network and it’s depressing to see that most of the people on there now are discourse arguers and men looking for girls to send creepy messages to. I miss back when there were people who had personality based tumblrs. I don’t wanna name names because I follow a lot of the people who come to mind on twitter and they’re ashamed of their tumblr days so I won’t embarrass them. You don’t see a lot of people who’s tumblrs are about them as people anymore and that sucks. My tumblr is still like that, I post the photos I don’t think fit my instagram on there mainly and the occasional crossposted blog post.

I wish reddit would die instead of tumblr.

I don’t understand why anyone is voluntarily going on there at this point. The layout is ugly, it’s crawling with neonazis, and it’s not new user friendly (I know because I tried to give reddit a real chance recently, terrible idea). ugh.

I guess since I’m talking about social media, I’ll keep that theme.

Facebook should die with reddit.

Is that a super hot take?

It’s also got an ugly layout and is also crawling with neonazis. I mainly use facebook to keep up with my family members who don’t use other websites. I also occasionally take part in facebook group threads for bloggers and stuff like that but that doesn’t make facebook better.

Hmm… I’ve only got about 120 words left.

I’ll tell you about my plans for today.

I’m gonna try to film another video, photograph Maddie, and go to the psychiatrist. I think when I get home for the night and I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do for the day, I wanna watch Black Panther again. I adore Black Panther.

I think I should focus on Russian for my daily studies today. It’s been a few too many days since my last good Russian study session. I think in the coming few weeks I’m gonna try to get back into using memrise. I used to be a big memrise user, in fact when I was 14 it was the only way I studied for about 8 months.

ooo. we’re at 905 words.

My video is still uploading so I guess I’ll embed my youtube video in a different post. sorry 😦

Thanks for reading!

lifestyle

Organization for October

What’s up duderinos.

I feel an urge to post twice today because my first entry of the day was just photos, so…

Here’s some words.

I guess I’ll give an update on my life organization stuff since a lot of people are interested in that concept.

My Bullet Journal

I worked on my October setup in my bullet journal today and I kinda like how it’s coming along. I’ve been focusing more on aesthetics in my new bullet journal so I really try to embellish my monthly setups and my weekly spreads.

My October theme is of course halloween. I kinda wanted to do a fruit theme but I love my skeleton washi tape and I think it would be pretty tough to incorporate a skeleton into a watermelon themed weekly spread, you know?

If there’s one thing you may need to know about me in regards to my bullet journaling, it’s that I’m particularly mediocre at drawing so my doodles and hand drawn embellishments are pretty rough.

I’ve added a few new things to my monthly habit tracker at the expense of other habits that I just wasn’t benefiting from tracking. So now “study Swahili” is in the place of “fill up humidifier” and network” took the place of something I forgot that was in my old bullet journal. Networking to me is stuff like commenting and emailing other bloggers, taking part in facebook threads, and pitching guest posts if you were wondering.

My Traveler’s Notebook

I really think I’m benefiting from my foreign language journal in my TN, but I always forget to write in it! I maybe should have added that to my habit tracker, but I didn’t have anything else to remove. 😦 I also like having a dedicated diary. It makes my weekly spreads less cramped. My et cetera notebook has been given a purpose as a planning and goals notebook where I work on the small steps to reaching longer term goals.

I also added some cute stickers in my folder.

My Planner

It’s kinda nice to have a big, stratified planner. I like having it on my desk to release the concepts and timetables from my mind onto paper. I think it’s decreasing my stress to not have to remember everything.

 

Goals (hold me accountable)

I have a few goals for October I think are safe to release into the public so here’s a few:

  • post 6 youtube videos (aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA)
  • send in my college application before the priority deadline
  • write at least 20 entries in my diary
  • post all of my october bullet journal weekly spreads
  • reach 10 youtube subscribers
  • email 2 publications
  • take more pictures of Peanut and Poptart
  • do a good photoshoot for Maddie
  • save at least 30 dollars

The rest of my goals, I’ll keep private unless another goal comes to mind that I want to tell y’all.

So thanks for reading, maybe this gave you ideas for organizing and planning. I’ll try to make good on all of my goals and if you see me slacking, yell at me.

Uncategorized

We’re Getting Somewhere

I started my “blog every day in September” challenge for myself because I felt I was making lower quality content than I prefer.

Well I think I’m hitting a stride, dudes!

I think my last like 5 posts have been great and it’s shown because my daily views have been 2x their average! yay!!!!!!!

I love blogging and it makes me so happy when I’m rewarded for my efforts!

I’ve been thinking a lot about how blog awards used to be a big deal. I’d love to win a blog award some day and I think if I wanna reach that goal I need to make great content like I’ve been making.

I guess I should give some tips for anyone who’s trying to improve their content in teh way I have.

  • make a lot of posts (try every day)
  • try to take pictures (visual elements make blog entries more interesting for a lot of people)
  • try to have a narrative center
  • post whenever an idea comes to mind
  • try writing morning pages
  • be absolutely shameless

With the improvements I’ve been noticing on my blog I think I should focus some energy on my youtube channel now. I set a goal to post 5 times on my channel this month and I’ve only posted twice. 😦

I’m still gonna post daily for the rest of this month but I’m just gonna do my best to post a few more youtube videos.

I’ve tried to film a 2 videos this week but I hated them so much that I deleted them half way through editing. 😦

So my goal is to not delete any videos for the rest of September and hopefully that’ll get me to 5 videos. Genius right?

To end this post I’ll give you a photo I took before filming a video I deleted.

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I’m not yelling, I’m making faces.

 

Uncategorized

Just Answer the Question!

As you may know I work at a clothing store.

Yesterday a customer came in and she pissed me all the way off.

She came in with 3 other people to get a gift for her sisters birthday. She asked me to get items off of mannequins, she complained about the lack of shoes in certain sizes, and all of that wouldv’e been fine had she not done what she did when I was ringing up her items.

In the system our register uses we have to ask if the customer wants a gift receipt before the regular receipt will print. Of course I could just press no and print the receipt but I don’t want to deny anyone of a gift receipt that they may want so I always ask.

As I was scanning her items she seemed really annoyed and every time I would speak she would cringe. I guess I have an annoying voice to her. So as she was staring at anything but me I finally built up the courage to say "would you like a gift receipt?" 

She asked me "Why?"

What kind of answer is that!?

I said "You're buying your sister a gift, would you like a gift receipt?"

She stared at me for a solid 8 seconds before saying, "Yes, I'm buying a gift but why would you ask me that?" As though she was offended!

Her son who seemed to be embarassed by his mothers obtuseness leaned in and said "Mom, it's a yes or no question."

She doubled down and said "I know that but it's her size and she'll like it so why would she ask me about a gift receipt?"

I wanted to scream at her "I DON'T KNOW YOUR SISTER! SAY YES OR NO!" but I'm the most weak person to ever live so I said "Ma'am is that a no?" 

She rolled her eyes and said "Of course not" and then mumbled to herself "What's she talking about a gift receipt for".

I was so livid that I wanted to just throw the dress at her but I'm amazing at my job so I pressed no on the cash register and asked her a final question: "would you like you receipt in the bag?"

I prayed on the inside that she wouldn't say something stupid but she replied "Give me the receipt so I can make sure you didn't mess it up!" and tore it out of my hand!

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

So I kept my cool and just gave her her bag and said "thank you have a nice day."

She rolled her eyes and walked out with her husband, her son, and whatever the lady she brought with her was. As she walked out I heard her husband say "you were too hard on her" and she responded "shut up."

How rude can you get!

I’m still mad and I needed to vent.

If you’ve ever worked customer service tell me a time you got pissed. I’d love to hear.

Thanks for reading!