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A Look at 13 Year Old Me

I found an old SD card from when I was in 8th grade recently.

I only got the courage to look at the files on it today and wow…

I was annoying.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m a completely non-annoying person nowadays because I honestly annoy myself sometimes but whew!

I feel bad for everyone that spent time around me at that age.

I guess since I love embarassing myself, I’ll show you some of the astounding photos I took in 2013 (photos and videos with others in them are excluded but trust me those photos are awful too).

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I thought taking blurry photos was the height of comedy (i still kinda do)
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take note of the deep side part
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does every girl have a colored mascara phase?
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I really wasn’t as ugly as I thought I was
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This was my instagram profile photo for over a year.
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I think N.O from BTS is playing on the laptop in the background… (I still like that song)
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and in this one Voodoo Doll from VIXX is on in the background (no regrets, still holds up)
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This was the first photo I ever uploaded to tumblr… Don’t try to find it on there, I deleted that blog

I think someday I’m gonna look back at the way I am now and feel the same gut wrenching horror that I feel when I look through this SD card today, but that’s not gonna stop me from being me for now.

It kinda makes me uncomfortable to see the similarities between 13 year old me and 18 year old me (i.e an undying love of eyeliner and a habit of taking a lot of pictures of myself).

It also makes me sad to be reminded of my mental state during this phase. I remember always feeling like I was reaching for something that I could never grasp. I still feel that way really often. At this age and throughout high school, I felt like I was constantly getting close to getting the approval that I so desperately craved, but it would never come in full. I was the understudy. I was in the background. I was around in case something bad happened to the people that mattered.

I don’t think these feelings of inadequacy will ever go away but at least my braces did.

So thanks for walking down this horrible, unpaved memory lane with me. I hope my braces didn’t gross you out.

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