Morning Pages: April 12th, 2018

BTS released a music video….

This has been my morning: wake up, get release notification, freak out, watch/listen over and over again.

I love BTS.

I feel like I’ve been talking about them a lot, but I really feel a lot of passion for them.

That being said….

This is not my favorite BTS release.

I think I’ve been spoiled by Blood Sweat and Tears and the Wings album as a whole, so everything falls kind of short now. That sucks.

I definitely still like Boy With Love, but it’s not in my top 5.

Although this Yoongi verse!?!?!??!?! He sounded so good!

I’m very hyped up to see them perform on SNL tomorrow night, too.

They’re literally living my dream and it makes me feel really inadequate. Just gonna keep hoping I guess. I wanna be famous before I’m 22 so lets just keep going.

I’m working on recording a cover right now. I feel like right now is a time to do covers, because a lot of the songs I’ve written would require some production and I’m no producer. I don’t wanna waste lyrics on bad songs, you know?

It’s so hard already for me to write lyrics. I only think I’ll ever be able to write so many in my lifetime, I don’t wanna waste any.

I just really feel behind in life.

I always said to myself that I’ll be famous before I graduated high school and here I am. Not where I want.

Now the hope is before I graduate college.

I think I have a bit more vigor now. Perhaps because of ED treatment. Maybe I’ll actually get some stuff done.

I’m just worried about my future. I don’t think I could handle working a “normal” job. I think I’d die after 2 weeks of being an accountant or something. Just out of lack of fulfillment.

I’m gonna stop wallowing.

Moving on.

My joints are doing bad again.

I really need to get tested for arthritis. I thought I was seeing real improvement, but I’ve hit a plateau and now I’m going back to pain.

Whenever my joints start hurting I worry that there’s something really wrong with me. That I have like MS or something.

I’m a very worried person.

Ooh. Bed making update. I’ve actually been making my bed! I mentioned it in a Morning Page recently that I wanna make it a habit and I’ve done it every morning since!

I’m going through a baked potato phase.

This happens every time we actually buy potatoes at the grocery store. I buy a bag and all of the sudden I eat like 2 a day.

They’re just so good. ugh.

Today is just not a day for 900 words. I have like nothing on my mind but BTS and my own feelings of inferiority.

And I don’t like to ramble on here about feeling bad because I think It’s a bad look.

But I have way more than 900 words to say on that.

Way fewer than 900 words on anything else.

I’m gonna work out.

I’ll write another entry today.

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