Blog Entries

Morning Pages: April 12th, 2018

BTS released a music video….

This has been my morning: wake up, get release notification, freak out, watch/listen over and over again.

I love BTS.

I feel like I’ve been talking about them a lot, but I really feel a lot of passion for them.

That being said….

This is not my favorite BTS release.

I think I’ve been spoiled by Blood Sweat and Tears and the Wings album as a whole, so everything falls kind of short now. That sucks.

I definitely still like Boy With Love, but it’s not in my top 5.

Although this Yoongi verse!?!?!??!?! He sounded so good!

I’m very hyped up to see them perform on SNL tomorrow night, too.

They’re literally living my dream and it makes me feel really inadequate. Just gonna keep hoping I guess. I wanna be famous before I’m 22 so lets just keep going.

I’m working on recording a cover right now. I feel like right now is a time to do covers, because a lot of the songs I’ve written would require some production and I’m no producer. I don’t wanna waste lyrics on bad songs, you know?

It’s so hard already for me to write lyrics. I only think I’ll ever be able to write so many in my lifetime, I don’t wanna waste any.

I just really feel behind in life.

I always said to myself that I’ll be famous before I graduated high school and here I am. Not where I want.

Now the hope is before I graduate college.

I think I have a bit more vigor now. Perhaps because of ED treatment. Maybe I’ll actually get some stuff done.

I’m just worried about my future. I don’t think I could handle working a “normal” job. I think I’d die after 2 weeks of being an accountant or something. Just out of lack of fulfillment.

I’m gonna stop wallowing.

Moving on.

My joints are doing bad again.

I really need to get tested for arthritis. I thought I was seeing real improvement, but I’ve hit a plateau and now I’m going back to pain.

Whenever my joints start hurting I worry that there’s something really wrong with me. That I have like MS or something.

I’m a very worried person.

Ooh. Bed making update. I’ve actually been making my bed! I mentioned it in a Morning Page recently that I wanna make it a habit and I’ve done it every morning since!

I’m going through a baked potato phase.

This happens every time we actually buy potatoes at the grocery store. I buy a bag and all of the sudden I eat like 2 a day.

They’re just so good. ugh.

Today is just not a day for 900 words. I have like nothing on my mind but BTS and my own feelings of inferiority.

And I don’t like to ramble on here about feeling bad because I think It’s a bad look.

But I have way more than 900 words to say on that.

Way fewer than 900 words on anything else.

I’m gonna work out.

I’ll write another entry today.

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Waiting. Waiting.

Why are people always late?

I sat all day uncomfortable, waiting for the A/C guys to show up and they never did.

They were supposed to be here at 9:00 AM, and it’s 19:00 now…

Annoying.

I’m not too mad though because I know they have hard jobs with a lot of variables, but a text would be nice.

A text would always be nice.

eh, that’s all.

Assorted Topics: April 9th, 2019

Howdy!

It’s another day where I don’t have long form ideas.

Let’s just write about stuff, shall we?

I guess people like OOTDs

I didn’t expect it but I got double my average readers on last nights entry even though it was posted late in the day. Plus I got 3 new blog subscribers!

Thank you for those who expressed interest in my OOTD! I’ll post more. Perhaps weekly?

Found a youtube channel I abhor

So since I have an interest in East Asian (specifically Korean, Japanese, and Chinese) culture, I get recommended a lot of “living in Japan” type videos on youtube. I sometimes click on them, mainly when the people in the video put somewhere in the title that they’re from the U.S or they’re of similar racial makeup to me so the content is more tailored to my needs.

So I clicked on a video yesterday. I won’t tell you the name of the channel because I don’t want to give her even a modicum of attention. But the video is about being a black woman in Japan. I watched the video and wasn’t particularly fond of the person in questions personality, but I figured I may look through the person’s channel to see if there’s any enjoyable content and I saw they made a video about having lots of s*x with various Japanese guys and a lot more “h*e” themed content and I was uber uncomfortable. I looked up the person and found out a lot of things about them that I’m super aggravated by. From these videos to underage drinking to alleged use of illegal drugs.

Even just the “being a h*e in Japan” stuff aggravates me.

It felt like Japanese men were a fetish for this person.

They’re people, dude!

In relatively homogeneous societies like Japan and Korea, even just any country in general, it’s an uphill battle to be accepted as a foreigner. Doing this stuff and putting it all over the internet doesn’t help. It makes foreigners look bad. And there’s a video on the channel about being harassed for being black in Japan… Well, when we perpetuate negative stereotypes about ourselves what do you expect!?

I hope these types of stereotypes aren’t applied to me whenever I visit foreign countries. Especially Japan, China, Russia, and Korea as I’ve wanted to visit for pretty much my whole life.

I’m upset. We’re trying to look GOOD, dude!

At least Sam Okyere’s making us look good in Korea. Maybe he’ll cancel this garbage out.

I backed up my computer + nerd talk

I downloaded a free calendar from the sanrio website to use on my computer and I realized I filled up almost my entire computer with photos…

I don’t know why I do that. I have them on my phone and SD cards and google photos, but I still save pictures on everything.

I’ve kind of been neglecting my external hard drive for like 5 months o I went through and put all my photos on there for safe keeping and cleaned out my computer. I feel zen about it.

It actually makes me feel really good, haha.

I heard Samsung released a hard drive you can upload onto directly from your phone. That’s so genius. I had this idea like 9 years ago when my mom got her first iPhone and she had to go through the computer to back up her photos and I was like… this is my billion dollar idea.

Samsung beat me to it.

I guess I’ll have to get faster with executing my billion dollar ideas.

While we’re on the topic of tech stuff, do y’all use wireless earbuds?

I see a lot of people bragging about having airpods and I don’t think I’ll buy those. Apple earbuds have always hurt my ears super bad. Even the old design, although the new design is 100 times worse. I think I have tiny ear holes. I have to buy earbuds that come with multiple sizes of tips and I have to use the smallest ones because even the medium sized soft earbuds feel like they’re ripping me.

I think I wanna save up to get a pair of wireless earbuds so I can put my phone fully in my fanny pack when I go on walks…

Is that the dorkiest reason ever to buy wireless earbuds?

I thin I want the Bose soundsports. My headphones are always cheap so the sound is bad and they break quickly.

Oh and I also don’t want to have to worry about keeping track of a dongle for my phones charger hole to the 3.5mm jack.

TXT are coming to Dallas!

Ok. I know the majority of my readership doesn’t keep up with kpop so I’ll give you some background.

TXT are a 5 member male kpop group that debuted literally just over a month ago. I’m very fond of them. Even though they make me feel old because I’m older than 4 out of 5. In my defense one of the 4 I’m older than is only 4 months younger than me so I’m not that creepy.

It’s pretty impressive that they’re coming to the U.S so quickly. I’ve never seen any kpop groups live. I’d love to see them, but I doubt I will.

I’m honestly just happy for them.

Tried a new hair product

I have a very hard time finding hair stuff that works. My hair is a wonderful combination of curly, color treated, and super, baby fine; so either stuff isn’t suited for curly hair, drys my hair out, or makes my hair stick to my head most of the time.

I tried the EcoStyler cocktail and it works………. wait for it………………

ALONE.

*audible gasp*

I normally use like 3-4 products at a time even when I’m just refreshing my hair. This stuff worked alone!!!!

And it wasn’t greasy, it made my hair feel moisturized, it kept my curls in place, and it doesn’t smell nauseating!

I’m not sponsored (my blog is a tiny blip on the internet), and my review is glowing!!

I still love my Kinky Curly Knot Today leave in conditioner and I’ll definitely keep using it, but I’m happy to have another thing that works.

Ecostyler really makes stuff that works for me. Their argan oil gel also works for me if I use a small enough amount. Shout out to them. I’ve seen their stuff work for people with thicker, more tightly curled hair than me too, so that’s pretty great.

Marumofubiyori

I’m hopelessly obsessed with Sanrio.

I think Marumofubiyori is their newest character although they may have released another since him.

I love him.

Every Sanrio character is cute, but he’s definitely top 10.

He’s a bear cub that always wears a blanket.

I’m sorry I’m not including a photo, I don’t want to get contacted by Sanrio and told to take it down. I want to stay on Sanrio’s good side.

Most of the merchandise for him is stationary, too, so they’re obviously trying to hurt me.

Enough typing

I have more thoughts, but I’m over 1000 words in so I’ll stop for now.

Maybe by the time I write my next entries, one of my thoughts will be full length.

Thanks for reading if you got here!

Come back again!

OOTD April 8th, 2019

you can clearly see the soy sauce stain on my armpit here

I always want to make OOTD’s, but I never feel fashionable enough. I did an impromptu photoshoot to make myself do it.

My shirt is a plain long sleeve white tee shirt, I think from Target.

My overalls are these: my overalls

Both are mediums.

It’s a really simple outfit. :/

Morning Pages: April 7th, 2019

Good morning!

I changed my bed sheets last night, so I got wonderful sleep. I’m trying to become a person that makes their bed in the morning so I set a separate alarm from my “wake up” alarm for making my bed. It’s nice. I feel like my whole room looks cleaner just by the virtue of my bed being made. Let’s hope that lasts.

I moved my pillows to the side of my bed. I think it looks nicer than keeping them at the head. Peanut and Poptart still have their own special pillow where they like it, though. They’re sleeping on it right now.

I’m in the process of deciding whether I want to trim my bangs or grow them out. I really, really love how my bangs looked fresh and I’ve literally dreamed of having bangs for most of my life so I want them. The issue is they’re really a nuisance sometimes. If they’re not behaving they look like leeches. But that kind of happens with my whole head of hair.

They’re well past my eyes now. I actually kind of like them at this length too. I feel like a Ramone.

My bangs unstyled. Plus my nose looks cute.

I really like my nose. I don’t know why people with round-ish noses like me get pointy nose jobs. I think the round nose is cuter. I guess they’re going for sexy? But you can be sexy with a round nose, right? Eh, none of my business.

My nose sometimes turns out funny in photos. Like if I’m at a 3/4 angle, it looks like I have a bump because I have a little flare on my bridge, but when I’m in profile it disappears because it’s not a real bump. I’ve been told that I have my mom’s nose but I don’t see it. My mom’s nose is less round. I don’t have my dad’s nose either. Mine is somewhere between.

Like most of my traits.

I don’t think I resemble either of my parents that much. Like I look related, but some people are total dopplegangers of their parents. It’s sometimes freaky to see that. When a lady will have a daughter that looks like a tiny version of her. Like her own personal Verne Troyer.

I miss Verne Troyer.

I remember his episode of WifeSwap really well.

OMG

Did y’all know they’re bringing back WifeSwap!?

I saw an ad for it the other day and screeched.

That was like my favorite show when I was 9-10. If Reba and ZhuZhu Pets come back I’ll be fully 9 years old again. Like, everything from my childhood is coming back. The Jonas Brothers are releasing music, Miley’s wearing her Hannah Montana wig again, Billy Ray Cyrus is relevant again (woohoo! love him!), and Justice is popular with little girls again (thanks, Jojo Siwa).

I loved Hannah Montana when I was a kid.

I wanted to be her, for real. I still kinda do want to be Hannah Montana to be honest. Doesn’t everybody?

I think there’s a big horse race going on right now. All the vegan people I know are bringing up horse racing recently. I think the Grand National is happening, maybe?

Horse racing freaks me out.

Horse riding in general weirds me out. I just can’t do it. I can’t do camel riding or elephant riding either. Even if I had no moral concerns, I don’t like to feel their spines. Spines are freaky.

Which character in Mortal Kombat rips out the spines?

Is it Sub-Zero?

I just looked it up on Ecosia and it is! I’m a real gamer now, right?

I’ll show you my Cooking Mama skills to prove it, haha.

I’m actually really good at Cooking Mama. I’m on the world leaderboard for the squirrel feeding mini game… Major accomplishment, I know.

Have I mentioned Ecosia before? It’s the search engine I use on my computer now. They plant a tree for every search. I hope they really do that and they’re not swindling me. It’s free anyway, so I don’t mind much. I’m not sponsored (duh) I just wanted to tell you so maybe you can try it and if they’re really planting trees they can plant a few more trees courtesy of my readers.

It annoys me when people call those of us that play lighter games “fake gamers”. I really have no attachment to the gamer title, but games are games. Animal Crossing is just as valid as Halo or whatever shooter people play nowadays.

The only shooter I could ever get into was Grand Theft Auto and I don’t think that even counts. It’s kind of an RPG.

I had a friend whose little brother loved GTA and I would sometimes play it at their house. It was fun but I couldn’t control the car and I’m too sensitive to kill strangers in the game. I don’t think I’m the target demo. I even have trouble fighting other trainer’s Pokemon when I play Pokemon, so I guess I’m too soft hearted for violence.

I had no issue killing everything in my path when I played Kirby though. I was a ruthless, blood-thirsty murderer in Superstar Ultra and Epic Yarn.

They really need to release a Kirby mobile app like Sonic and Pokemon. I would wear my thumbs OUT on that.

I think if I’m any video game character, I’m Kirby.

I’m soft, cute, and take on the powers f all the things that I vacuum onto my giant, gaping mouth. When I eat rocks I get the power of density.

That was a joke if you didn’t catch it.

I actually think I’m like Tails from Sonic. Helpful, yellow, good with technology, and I’m still nice even after being treated poorly at times. Also Tails’ real name, Miles, sounds like Mikah kind of. If you think really tangentially.

Ok. I’m well over 900 words now, so I’ll leave you here.

Thanks for reading!

★★★★★

How Do You Even Tell If You’re A Good Dancer?

I’ve been trying to become a better freestyle dancer as of lately.

I’ve always been relatively good at dancing to choreography, but if I don’t have a plan I straight up forget where the floor is.

I don’t know if that would classify me in the good or bad dancer range.

I’ve been recording awful, private webcam videos of myself dancing so I can assess my skill and dear god. These videos are like CCTV footage from a crime scene. I am disgusted.

I’ve been trying to block in at least 3 songs worth of dancing every day and I’ve noticed real differences in the past week and a half-ish, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever improve to the point of being good.

I’ve noticed that my feet are less floppy when I dance now and I’m less anxious about my arms. I’d really like to consistently be on beat soon, though.

If I can get there I’ll feel like I’m at least decent.

I’ve always wondered where the line for “good dancer” is located because I’ve seen a lot of people who I’d call great be referred to as bad dancers and a lot of people who look really awkward be called amazing. Like Jin from BTS for example: people say he’s a bad dancer, but to keep up with BTS’ choreography you have to be at least well above average.

I’ll say I’m a good dancer and maybe people will believe me.

Yeah.

That’s the plan.