A very dramatic title for a very mundane blog post about a very inconsequential decision.
I’ve decided I want to do something for the first time in my life.
Something I’ve always been afraid to do.
Something I associate with abject horror.
So what am I making a decision about?
I want to get a haircut.
Specifically, I think I want bangs.
You may be surprised learning that the idea of a haircut causes me to literally get shivers down my spine. You’re likely even more surprised that I’ve never gotten a haircut.
Let me explain.
my hair grows very slowly
I’ve technically cut my hair before (I cut a chunk off when I was 4)
I experienced hair loss when I was in the throes of my ED
I used to sometimes pull my hair out when I was younger
I don’t trust other people with my hair like at all
I’ve dyed my hair quite a bit so my scalp has likely sustained some damage
So in other words it makes sense that I wouldn’t have floor length hair after never getting a haircut in 18 years of life.
My hair is longer than it seems though.
A lot of people with straight hair don’t think about shrinkage, so I tend to surprise people when they find out I have roughly hip length hair. My hair just really scrunches up so it barely passes my shoulders when it’s dry.
I love long hair so I don’t wanna lose any length in the main body of my hair, I just maybe wanna trim off a quarter inch.
And then get bangs.
I don’t necessarily want big deal bangs, I don’t want thick heavy bangs like a lot of the girls I know with curly bangs have. I want them to be a bit similar to korean see through bangs so I only wanna cut one thin layer of curls right around my face. Plus I want longer short bits at the side of my face so I can have little hangy-outy bits when I put my hair in a ponytail like white girls do. You know what I’m talking about? You know, the little leave out bits.
Think hime cut, basically.
Bangs and dangly bits.
I’ve taken the time to graciously pin my hair to look like bangs and take an egregious number of photos of myself with fake bangs so you, my beloved readers, can best understand how I want my bangs to look.
See? Not so bad right?
When my mom saw my fake bangs pictures, even she admitted they look good.
So, since I am a person who comes to regret most things she does. I’ve decided I’ll give myself a few days, about a week, to really meditate on the bangs decision.
Then I’m cutting them.
I’m not sure I trust a hairdresser to give me bangs. I think a straight haired hairdresser may try to cut my hair wet or something whereas a curly haired hairdresser may try to give me the heavy bangs I said I don’t want.
Also I think it would be fun to film myself cutting my hair.
Do anything for content, am I right?
*disclaimer: don’t do anything for content*
I highly doubt that I’ll change my mind since I’ve wanted bangs for like my whole life, but I do have a genuine fear that I’ll come to regret it. With hair that grows as slowly as mine, this is kind of a permanent decision.
I’ve really been rationalizing this quite a bit.
In my mind, my hair looks bad about 6 out of 7 days of the week. So what’s one more day if this goes horribly wrong, right?
So, if you wanna, could you maybe comment and tell me what you think about my possible bangs?
it is causing me palpable pain and i really wanna pop it.
the problem is that whenever i’ve popped zits in the past i end up with gigantic dark acne scars. i really don’t need a scar right under my nose right now.
i’ve wanted to post about my acne scars for a while because i’m kinda proud of my progress in getting rid of them over the past roughly 4 months.
you’re gonna get to see some totally unedited photos of my forehead now just so you can see the change in my scars.
my skin always looks terrible when i get tanner (one more good reason to avoid the sun) so me being tanned and having not so awful scars is impressive
my scars are by no means gone but i have made some leeway on getting rid of them.
so i might as well give you my tips since you’re reading, right?
wash your face daily (no brainer but some people don’t do it and wonder why their skin is bad)
exfoliate 2-3 times per week
use “brightening” face masks after exfoliating at least once per week
use a witch hazel toner after cleansing daily
use a tone correcting moisturizer (i won’t reveal which one i use because it turns out it isn’t cruelty free (*≧m≦*) )
drink a metric fuckton of water (i drink 4 liters daily)
take probiotics (i don’t know if this is actually causing a change in my skin but i started taking probiotics at the same time as beginning my skin journey)
be vegan? i don’t know thats basically my diet summed up i kinda just eat whatever’s vegan
they’re pretty basic tips.
it makes me happy to see some progress with my acne scars because honestly i hate wearing foundation. it’s just so annoying to remove. i wanna be one of those girls that goes viral online for having “glass skin” and every day i’m getting closer. watch your back.
i remove my makeup using a micellar water. the one i’m currently using is the perfectly posh bare it all micellar water.
i use two different products on alternating days to clean my skin. some days i use raw african black soap whereas other days i use dr. bronners tea tree castile soap. to create a lather i use a konjac sponge. i use these same cleansers on my back for my bacne problem.
i often use the thayers lemon astringent to make my skin feel more stripped after cleansing.
i use the thayers lavender witch hazel toner as my final cleansing step.
i moisturize using the perfectly posh night and day moisturizer a lot of the time but i am also trying to get rid of s tub of ponds crema s that i do not recommend because ponds tests on animals.
i sometimes use tony moly sheet masks, perfectly posh masks, or the perfectly posh bff face exfoliant.
note: this is one of my first posts that isnt ed related so i thought i should reference that by saying please dont leave im still cool i just have other aspects of myself than having an eating disorder! <3<3<3
edit: you can buy perfectly posh stuff from my mom! ❤ its cruelty free