BKchat, tumblr, and incels

I have no idea where this post is gonna go, but I’m going to write anyway. I think I’m gonna write one paragraph about whatever comes to mind until I feel satisfied.

I just got off work, which is super great. I strongly prefer the days when I work early and leave early over days where I show up later and close the store.

Yesterday I took a lot of photos. I photographed Posh and Samoa, Maddie, and myself. I’m still in the process of editing them though, so you guys will see them some time in the near future.

Recently I’ve really enjoyed a show called bkchat london. I often saw people on twitter talk about stuff the people on bkchat said and I never felt particularly compelled to spend like an hour listening to people debate about relatively simple (in my eyes) subjects. But I watched an episode the other day and realized the show is actually pretty interesting (although I wish the cast wouldn’t yell over each other every 25 seconds). It’s interesting to hear people who have views that I’d never even thought people had.

We got Marshmallows ashes yesterday. It’s weird, I thought I was pretty well recovered, but I guess I’m not. The second I took out the urn, I started sobbing. I just feel really  bad. I miss him a lot.

I’m still figuring out college stuff. I have to do financial aid online paperwork stuff… Not enthused.

Have y’all heard about how tumblr is banning adult content? I’m worried they may start hunting down anyone who posts anything nsfw (i.e discussions of sexual assault). When the news came out, a lot of people started passing around an article about how a lot of women discover and prefer viewing p*rn on tumblr. I think it’s odd that people have taken this information and used it as a gotcha to tumblr that they shouldn’t ban adult content so women can watch p*rn. I don’t wanna sound like a prude but… If tumblr has to ban all adult content so that there won’t be as big of a child p*rnography problem, I value the safety of children 5000 times more than the feelings of women who use tumblr to get off.

Have you guys also heard about all the incel dudes reporting s*x workers with premium snapchats to the IRS? That’s so odd to me. I don’t want to entirely reveal my stance because I don’t want people to say “oh so you have s*x workers?” because that’s what I’ve seen a lot of super liberal feminists say when anyone offers the slightest bit of criticism toward the s*x industry. What I will say is that I’m not particularly fond of the majority of the s*x industry, but just because you may think “p*rn is bad” or that you’re bitter about pretty women not talking to you, you don’t need to try to ruin people’s lives. ugh.

This post really meanders, doesn’t it?

Tomorrow I have a psychiatrist appointment. I’m excited to get out. It’ feels like for the past month I’ve gone to work, come home, and maybe if I’m feeling wild I’ll go to the grocery store. I wouldn’t say I’m a homebody or a person who needs to constantly be out and about, but I really do enjoy the occasional outing.

ok. I’m gonna go now, I need to study.

Thanks for reading.

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Writing Until I Need To Stop

I work today.

I worked about 9 hours yesterday and I planned to write a blog post during my break but I didn’t.

I’m getting a post out today no matter what it takes though.

I always put “blog before work” on my daily to-do list when I work and I really try my best to check that box off but that didn’t happen yesterday.

Today’s post will be pretty mundane.

I’m pretty tired today.

I’ve been having a really hard time sleeping for the past like 3 nights.

I had a really great idea at like 23:00 the other night and ended up typing for 4 hours and since then my sleep schedule is basically in tatters.

hm…

I really have nothing to say.

This is one of those days when I would normally look for something that upsets me on twitter and then I’d write an 800 word post about it in a standard commentary style but I have about 6 minutes until I need to start getting ready for work.

I’ve been really cold for the past few days.

I think it’ probably because the temperature outside has gone down a little but we haven’t changed the settings on our a/c yet. I don’t wanna sweat my mom out of the house though so I’m not gonna change the temperature. I’ll just wear some of my amazing fuzzy socks from dollar tree.

It was hot at work yesterday though. Even customers who were only in the store for like 10 minutes complained.

I of course was completely covered from head to toe so I was quite warm.

It didn’t help that my hair was down.

I don’t think I’m good at temperature regulation.

I’m very rarely comfortable as far as temperature goes.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

AAAAAA

I’ve gone a minute over the time I allotted myself to write so I’m gonna go now.

Thanks for reading!

My Favorite Weather and Other Stuff

I’m very happy today because the weather is exactly to my liking.

I’m very strongly affected by the weather when it comes to my mood and if the weather is in my opinion bad, I’m less motivated, less enthusiastic, harder to excite, and more sedentary.

So what constitutes good weather to me?

  • clouds
  • rain
  • cold temperatures (even though it never gets truly cold where I live)
  • snow is my ultimate favorite but again, it only snows like every other year
  • dark skies
  • when the grass looks technicolor bright
  • petrichor scent
  • the general season of winter

I’ve always wondered if I may have seasonal affective disorder (or whatever it’s called) but I’m depressed in summer rather than winter.

I’m so excited that summer is ending!

I sometimes wish I was born in winter so I could have a real birthday celebration. In summer everyone is busy going on vacation and doing summer stuff that it feels like I’d be inconveniencing my friends if I invited them to celebrate my birthday with me, so for the past like 4-5 years I haven’t tried to do anything for my birthday.

Next year I think I’m gonna try to throw myself a birthday party for the first time in my life. Don’t get confused and think I’ve never had a birthday party: I’ve had a few. I’ve just never thrown one for myself.

It’s on my bucket list to have a real birthday party and I think if I start planning early I’ll be over the anxiety in time for next August.

That sounds crazy when I read it.

Ugh! Poptart just pissed on my thigh high boots 😦

I semi-dried them, I’ll clean them off after posting this.

I thought this would be a good substantial post about weather but honestly I wanna write about other things in my life right now.

My mom got me a gift that makes me really happy yesterday.

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The back says “Love always, Marshmallow”

I wish Mel was still here. We should be getting his ashes soon and I’m hoping to be finished with the scrapbook page I’m making before we get them.

The page is red and white themed because I’m 90% sure his favorite color was red. All his favorite foods and toys were red so I’m just drawing conclusions but I like to give traits like that to all of my pets. Sometimes people cringe when I say things about my pets favorite colors and songs but I can really see how certain stimuli change their demeanor! Like Poptart loves older VIXX songs while Peanut likes City and Color. I’m sorry for these people that they don’t connect with animals the way I do.

I need to get some pictures of Marshmallow printed because I need them for my memorial and to frame. He was so pretty.

I can’t wait to live my dream of having a small house near the mountains with a herd of chianina cattle on the property and a ton of rabbits in the house. I think to memorialize Mel I’m gonna name all my future rabbits M names. I already have Marzipan, Mochi, Mango, and Mellocreme chosen. I’d prefer they all be food names but it’s tough to come up with M food names for rabbits. I like giving all of my pets fun names. It kinda creeps me out when people have dogs named Bill.

I always wished I was named Cinnamon when I was a kid (my club penguin name was cinnamoncyrus because I loved the name Cinnamon and Miley Cyrus). When/ if I have kids of my own loins (I already have names chosen) I want them to all have interesting names. Not if  they’re adopted, I wouldn’t force a kid to change their name to fit my theme of anything.

I also went by Krystal and Venus for short periods of my childhood. I wish I started liking my name at a younger age. I really like it now because it’s pretty unique and people think it’s cool. When I was a kid though, teachers would always think I was a boy before meeting me and kids made so many jokes about my name. I think it’s kinda cool that people think Mikah is a stage name. I really get messages on tumblr and emails asking if it’s my real name. It is! I’ll add that to my FAQ. 

Maybe some day Mikah will be a name like Beyonce where people name their kids that and then their kid feels like they have to live up to their name (I know a few younger girls [born around 2004] named Beyonce and they feel like they live in a shadow).

Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading!

(❁´◡`❁)

 

Memoirs of an Attention Seeker

If I’m being honest, my favorite thing in the world is attention and my favorite thing about my blog is getting attention from it. I love the validation I get from views and likes and comments. Recently, however, my blog hasn’t been getting the amount of views I want and I know it’s because my content isn’t great lately, but I still just wanna shout from the rooftops “read my blog! read my blog! look at me! pay attention!”.

I feel like right now my attempts at gaining an online following are a last ditch effort to achieve my ultimate dream of being famous because I think I’ve missed any opportunity to get what I want organically. I wish I was more assertive when I was a kid about doing auditions and taking dance classes and stuff like that because I feel like I’m miles and miles behind where I should be.

People always talk about how I would’ve hated being a child star but I can’t imagine I would’ve hated it any more that I hated the childhood I had. I felt like I didn’t even exist for my entire adolescence and I’d probably prefer to have felt like I at least mattered.

And as I write this post I can feel the judgement of others coming in that I shouldn’t be so attention seeking and I shouldn’t feel like fame is a good goal and “well *insert celebrity* got famous at 35!” but I want attention now!

It sucks to feel like you don’t matter!

It feels like nobody gives one single f*ck about what I have to say or what I can do!

Not to be conceited but I’m talented and my personality is effervescent!

I feel like 1/3 of my posts end with some resolution about how I’m gonna work even harder and I’m gonna do x y and z to get my goals, but for f*cks sake! I’m gonna get what I want!

I feel like I have no accomplishments and I wanna say that I’m a winner for once. Is that too much to ask?

When I did theater and stuff I felt like I never got any praise and shine and godd*mn it I’m gonna get some d*mn praise!

I always feel like it’s the wrong time to do things and you know what? It’s never gonna be a good time to do anything so I’m gonna be a shameless attention seeker until I get followed by paparazzi.

I hate it when celebrities complain about having no privacy or getting asked for autographs because you know what?

I’d give up just about everything in my life for what they have.

How ungrateful do you have to be to get upset that you’re getting too much attention?

Whatever, I’m gonna be dedicating at least one hour a day from here on to promoting myself and you’re gonna watch me blow up.

So here’s the dumb resolution ending for this post.

I’m gonna be absolutely shameless about promoting myself, I’m gonna be super cunning to get what I want, I’m gonna stop worrying about being called an attention seeker because guess what? That’s exactly what I am.

I don’t necessarily believe in the law of attraction but I think if I say something enough times and I really place all of my focus into something it will hopefully happen. I’m gonna speak it into existence. If you’re reading now, you’ll have the privilege of saying that you know what I was thinking before I made my big break, and when I walk my first red carpet you’ll be able to look at me and say “wow, she really did that.”

So let’s list some things I’m gonna do in my lifetime.

I’m gonna walk the red carpet at the met gala.

I’m gonna have my wedding talked about in tabloids.

I’m gonna get interviewed by Stephen Colbert.

I’m gonna be in Vogue.

I’m gonna be on a japanese variety show.

I’m gonna be the face of a clothing company.

I’m gonna have a concert in the Staples Center.

I’m gonna meet Beyonce.

There’s gonna be a twitter account dedicated to outfits I wear.

I’m gonna be a designers muse.

I’m gonna meet BTS.

People will praise me for my work ethic.

I’ll surprise everyone with my language skills.

I’m gonna stay at the Grand Floridian.

People will love my personality alongside my talent.

So someday, I expect this post to be brought up and people will say “I can’t believe she spoke all that into existence, I’m gonna do it too”.

And I’m gonna be an inspiration.

 

So I guess now I should say if you wanna see someone ruthlessly do what it takes to get their shine and you wanna hear about the inner workings of me, an attention wh*re, please follow and support my blog! Recommend it to your friends! I’m really interesting when I don’t have writers block, I swear!

I also have a ton of other social media linked on my website so please follow me on those as well because you’re gonna see bigger and better things from me!

 

Day in the Life: September 7th, 2018

I bet you thought I might not post today.

Of course I will! I’m not a loser, I keep my promises (for the most part).

Today I’m just gonna tell you what happened in my day, ok?

I woke up 30 minutes after my alarm went off because for once in my life I snoozed. I never tend to hit snooze, I normally will just give up and decide to sleep till whenever if I don’t wanna wake up with my alarm. But today was an exception to my rule and I hit snooze 3 times.

I woke up late and then I decided to laze around in the living room for a while until it became time to go to work.

I ate some oatmeal with peanut butter for breakfast and then I got ready for work.

I got ready and my eye makeup turned out really bright. Normally warm toned eyeshadows disappear into my skin but I got a new eyeshadow palette and it turned out red. I like how it looks though, it just surprised me.

It worked out though because my eyeshadow turned out the same color as the embroidery on my shirt. I wore a white shirt with red and orange embroidered flowers and a pair of white jeans with my brown thigh high boots. Remember that i wore white jeans.

Once I got to work I was immediately put onto the sales floor while the assistant manager was putting security tags onto the new arrivals in the back store room. I helped a lot of customers today, and I’m pretty sure I exceeded my ales goals so that’s cool.

I took my break at about 2:00pm and when I went to the restroom I made a wonderful discovery.

I started my period.

The worst thing about my birth control implant is that I get surprise spotting whenever y body decides rather than a predictable menstrual cycle.

So since I switched out my bag in the morning, of course I didn’t have any pads on my person so i wrapped my panties in toilet paper and finished my break then went back to work.

The rest of my day at work was pretty uneventful, and I went home after.

I still don’t feel wonderful because my antibiotics still make my stomach hurt and I’m pretty drained from my recovering from illness.

My mom and I went to the bank to deposit some money as well, pretty average time with that.

Now, I just ate dinner and I think I’m gonna go to sleep early in hopes that I’ll have a decent amount of energy tomorrow for my long shift.

Oh, you know what else?

I just got a flash flood warning on my phone so that’s cool.

Hopefully no damage will be brought onto my area.

afternoon pages, a natural hair rant, and a pet update

I wanted to write some morning pages today, but I woke up late and forgot… so I’m gonna invent afternoon pages and do that.

Right now I’m super nauseous and my stomach hurts because of my antibiotics. I’m getting a little better and I hope the feeling better actually lasts this time. But I’m not in a great mood because of my stomach pain so this post may not be the most kind.

I haven’t posted any photos on my blog in like forever. I’ve been having a hard time with my google photos account because It won’t allow me to back up photos on 2 accounts so I’ve either gotta switch all my photos to one account or I need to change which account is connected to my wordpress. I honestly haven’t taken a ton of photos lately because I’ve been in a bit of a depressive state since Mel died, but I’m getting back to my former grind. I’ve taken and edited photos for 2 days straight and I uploaded a picture to my instagram today. I’m gonna try to really put more focus into my photos because I think people really liked seeing my pictures on my blog and I genuinely enjoy taking pictures and enjoy editing them even more.

I recently got a desk planner (from Happy Planner) and it’s really helped me to realize that I need to prioritize my writing and online presence if I intend to make my writing and stuff into a career. I’m gonna be reaching out to other blogs so I can start guest posting. My happy planner in a vertical layout planner with 3 boxes that I’ve delineated to top box: daily personal life, middle box: work and business, bottom box: goals. It’s cool to plan things out like instagram posts in advance, it makes me feel like I have more incentive to do things since in general I’m lacking in motivation.

If you’ve wondered about my new job, I’ll write about it now. I don’t wanna tell you exactly where I work because I don’t wanna disclose too too much of my personal life (so as to prevent stalking) and I also don’t know about my employer’s policy when it comes to talking about there, but I work at a clothing store. My manager and coworkers so far have been super nice and accommodating. It’s kinda cool to see all the different types of people who can enter one place in a day. I also really like being able to organize things when there’s nothing else for me to do. I’m terrible at cleaning up around the house, but for some reason I like color coding the clothes and jewelry at the store. I also like getting paid.

Last night I watched a video on youtube that made me laugh from the creators ignorance. I don’t wanna reveal who made the video because I actually like the girls other videos but this one just wasn’t it. She was making a video about how buzzfeed videos suck and I should’ve known her commentary wouldn’t be great because honestly most of the people who make these “Buzzfeed Cringe” videos don’t think with a ton of nuance. But I watched it anyway. So the video started out with her calling the “Women try Manspreading” video misandry *eye roll*. I should’ve clicked off then but I like to torture myself so I kept watching. She then went on to rant for a solid 2 minutes about a video about like natural hair problems. In her rant she complained about how black people complain too much and how “It’s just hair”. I wish people who don’t even give black people’s unique struggles a second thought wouldn’t spout out these “hot takes” about black hair. Sadly for many people, it isn’t just hair. It’s identity and it’s struggle, it’s a cause of anxiety and it’s something that makes them the other, it’s unprofessional and it’s a distraction. So if you don’t understand that many black people are forced to hide their hair for fear of being fired, being assaulted, being insulted, and even just being touched without consent… maybe don’t give your opinion on how “black people straighten their hair and I’m not offended” because it makes you look like you don’t ever think about others. Yawn.

hmm… I wanna write 900 words and this one is the 730th.

About once a week I get this strong urge to rearrange my bedroom. There’s this part of me that say’s my room would feel more roomy if I moved my bed to the other side of the room but I also really like how my room is now and Poptart (my chihuahua) would probably be mad at me if I moved his nest that he built under my wicker chair. He’s a funny little dude. He dragged my small stuffed animals from the bottom shelf on the rack I keep them on to under the chair and he loves to sleep there. I didn’t think he was strong enough to carry around those stuffed animals but he’s not only strong enough to move one, as of the last time I checked his nest he had at least 7 stuffed animals down there. Maddie (my cat) scratched him the other day and he has a cut in his side now that he won’t stop licking 😦 . I might as well update you on all my pets now since I’m already taking about them. Peanut (my female chihuahua) is doing ok, she go some wet food on her face the other day and it dried up and now she won’t let me wipe it off of her. I hope it flakes off. Maddie is average, shes mean and noisy as usual, but what else can you expect from a spoiled 13 year old persian cat? Samoa and Posh (the french bulldogs) are dong great. They’re puppies so they kinda always act the same: energetic and enthusiastic. They climbed up to a ledge that we keep their treats on the other day and knocked down a bucket of training treats and ate about 1/3 of the bucket about 4 days ago. That annoyed me.

would you look at that, I’ve now written over 1000 words so I guess my afternoon pages are over with.

Hopefully you liked this!

Please follow my blog if you wanna hear more about my life!

Quarter Blog Crisis

I don’t know how long I plan to have this blog but I’m having a bit of a crisis as far as my blog goes. I’m gonna call it a quarter blog crisis even though I intend to keep up my blog for longer than 4x the time I’ve had it so far. does that make sense?

I used to make really great (to me) content but recently I haven’t felt like I’m producing my best.

I’m hoping that this will be a momentary lapse in my content and not a greater indication of me failing. I think posting daily in September will maybe lead me to a point where I’m writing posts as good as or better than my former content.

It’s odd that I’m feeling especially odd about my lack of inspiration because I’ve had similar feelings before and it lead to actually good posts but I don’t think my past few posts have been good at all. I think if I power through all the bad content in my head, I can eventually make some stuff I’m proud of again.

I may try to get experimental with my content so I’ll just use this to brainstorm possible future content and you guys could tell me if any of these things sound good or awful.

  • OOTD’s
  • more Day in the Life posts
  • photo posts
  • painfully detailed descriptions of my often excruciatingly average days
  • more social commentary
  • more posts about stuff that pisses me off on twitter
  • rants
  • tutorials on my study techniques
  • weekly planning posts
  • goal oriented posts
  • more acne scar updates (people seem to love those)
  • a detailed description of what I do to reach my goals
  • maybe I’ll try to plan interesting things in my life so I can write about them?
  • morning pages
  • more recipes

I’m out of ideas. Please tell me things you wanna see on my blog because I don’t know what I’m doing right now.