Liveblogging the 2019 Grammys

*Disclaimer: if you don’t like BTS this may not be the post for you, because I’m really only interested in BTS, Gaga, Janelle Monae, Dolly, and Cardi B.*

  • It took me over 40 minutes to find my remote to the TV…
  • Ok, this is gonna be a long night. The red carpet and preshow are 3 hours :/
  • oop. Tierra Whack is here? I love her!?
  • *filler*
  • BTS have arrived.
  • I have started crying.
  • Wow they have RM in glasses… We’ve won, everyone.
  • Now we search twitter for the other red carpet interviews…
  • oh, BTS lost in their category, it’s ok at least they lost to St Vincent. (my 2nd choice)
  • *filler* (btw I’m not saying the people are filler, I’m just putting these in to show a progression of time)
  • DOLLY!!!! I forgot Dolly Parton was coming. God I love her. There are very few people who are as inspiring to me as she is. And she’s still kickin it in the red dress!!
  • Cardi just got out of the car, guys. She looks gorgeous as always.
  • Oh my god they’re interviewing Lady Gaga. She looks so good!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • They keep showing promos for how they’re gonna show La La Land on E……. Gonna have to skip that………..
  • Can I sound dumb for a second? Who is Shawn Mendes? I hear people talk about him and he’s being interviewed right now but…. I’ve never seen a photo of him before and I don’t think I’ve ever heard his music…………… :/
  • Oh god. Joy Villa’s here. Why do they invite her? She’s dressed up as the border wall and has “build the wall” painted on her *ss…………. yikes
  • Yo what? They just showed a guy that looks just like Shawn Mendes and said he’s Charlie Puth? Is there a technical issue or am I just blind? (don’t take my person differentiation seriously though, I can’t tell Hugh Jackman and Robert Downy Junior apart apparently. THEY HAVE THE SAME FACE!!!)
  • I just saw Cardi’s full outfit and I audibly gasped!!!!! Say what you want, but she can turn a look!!!!!!!!
  • And Janelle Monae is turning a look too? I’m not gonna make it.
  • The show just started.
  • They have C****** C****** opening the show? K….
  • Well… the camera work is great.
  • Lele Pons is up there?
  • Well, J Balvin’s doing Mi Gente. A good song. Wish Beyonce could perform her verse…… But we don’t get nice things. Although I don’t know if I’d want Beyonce associated with this opening………..
  • Haha, you wanna hear a funny story? Back when they did the 52nd grammys I thought the said 50 second grammys and I was like “why are they so short?”
  • *gasp* MICHELLE OBAMA!?
  • Jesus Christ Lady Gaga is radiant.
  • They need to warn you when they’re gonna cut to BTS. I just saw Jungkook and screeched.
  • If they cut to Yoongi I’m gonna scream.
  • OK. Shawn Mendes is performing. He’s good.
  • Wait.
  • He looks like a MAGCON boy.
  • I googled it and oh my god, my mind. He was a MAGCON boy!!! Well he moved up, huh? Poor guy had to be around Nash Grier 😦
  • MILEY!?
  • I know this is controversial, but I think Miley Cyrus will be considered a legend in the very near future.
  • Please please please give Gaga everything she’s nominated for.
  • Boom.
  • It’s what she deserves. (best pop duo/group performance)
  • Did you know that we stan forever? Just wanted to make sure you know.
  • Ok. Miss Musgraves came to play with the big kids. I can respect a gentle ballad.
  • Lady Gaga’s goin through it. I think she’s gonna cry all night.
  • YES! YES! Janelle Monae!
  • Sorry, I had to just watch.
  • I adore her.
  • Song of the Year: This is America
  • ok
  • not mad, not happy. neutral.
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers and Post Malone?
  • This will probably be genuinely good.
  • It sucks that people always make fun of Post Malone for his looks. I like him quite a bit. I don’t think he’s bad looking either.
  • He’s a good singer.
  • And we have a contender for the best performance of the night.
  • That was great!
  • Oh man.
  • Dolly Parton’s about to perform!!!!!!
  • Katy Perry’s going all out, huh?
  • *audible gasp*
  • C’MON WHITE DRESS!!!!!!!!
  • YES!
  • Jolene, the best country song ever made.
  • J-hope dancing to Dolly Parton is all I ever needed.
  • I’ve started to cry again.
  • love an icon
  • H.E.R is up next
  • Honestly I’ve heard I think 2 of her songs
  • Solid.
  • CARDI!!!!!!!
  • wow. opulence.
  • I love this song, man. (Money) and god she’s hot
  • jeez Offset just made a total creeper face
  • I love Cardi
  • wow, Alicia Keys playing 2 pianos. sickening
  • I forget the name of the guys performing… they’re good though
  • Best Rap Song: God’s Plan
  • sure
  • wonderful speech
  • miss Diana Ross is still astounding at 75 years of age
  • It’s Gaga’s time.
  • I just can’t explain my love.
  • I got distracted
  • Travis Scott is performing now.
  • oh hell yeah, let’s mosh
  • It’s really weird to think about how he has a daughter with Kylie Jenner. They just don’t seem like they’d go together
  • motown tribute.
  • I don’t think I’ve ever heard Jennifer Lopez sing…
  • Like I’ve heard a studio song from her, but never a performance
  • Lot’s of costume changes
  • Ne-yo. Haven’t seen him in a while.
  • aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MY BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • yay! congrats H.E.R
  • I can’t focus on her though cause BTS are up there…
  • Wow… Taehyung touched that trophy. She could sell that for like 20x the price of another grammy, knowing how crazy BTS fans are.
  • He’s gonna touch another one in the near future…..
  • ooo they’re playing her off
  • I hate it when that happens
  • Brandy Carlisle up next
  • what a nice tone. I love women in country music, honestly. I can’t think of a bad one.
  • ooo fringe
  • my favorite color is fringe – Willam Belli
  • sorry, back to the grammys
  • this is wonderful. I don’t think I’ve seen so much country at the grammys ever.
  • Chloe and Halle are on. They’re great. haunting.
  • Cardi B- best rap album
  • huge shock! I thought it’d go to Mac Miller of Travis Scott. not mad about it though
  • Offset’s all up on her…
  • “maybe I need to start smoking weed” we love a comedian.
  • ok… Offset needs to back up
  • that was sweet.
  • St Vincent and Dua Lipa have matching bobs
  • are they gonna kiss…?
  • aw Alessia Cara and Bob Newhart are cute.
  • yay! Dua Lipa wins best new artist.
  • aw. the in memoriam 😦
  • Aretha Franklin tribute.
  • so much better than her funeral. maybe I shouldn’t rank the tributes to a dead woman, huh?
  • I just love to see Fantasia. She spices up anything.
  • whoa! Yolanda Adams coming through.
  • Song of the year: This is America
  • ok
  • )can I say something privately to you? I really don’t like the song. It’s just not listenable for me, it’s a good concept though.)
  • please please please Dirty Computer for Album of the Year
  • Golden Hour- Kasey Musgraves
  • that’s a big surprise
  • not mad though
  • wow.
  • Now we wait for the BTS post award show live stream.
  • I wont make you read that though.

Thanks for reading if you were able to get through these over 1000 words of nonsense!


A Taste of Fame & Toxicity

A word I think has been really overused by people in the general vicinity of my demographic is toxic. I think a lot of people around my demo use the word toxic in situations where it truly does not apply in the slightest.

What happened to the word mean? or rude? or sh*tty?

Why is every person who makes a mistake *`^~toxic~^`* now?

I make it a point to avoid using the word toxic as a descriptor entirely just because it’s so grossly misused and overused.

That changes today.

I officially declare that:



That took a lot to get off of my chest.

So if you don’t follow celebrity news I’ll give you a quick rundown of the situation that led to today.

So a few years ago, Ariana Grande (a pop singer) and Mac Miller (a rapper) were dating. They lasted a good while in hollywood terms and then broke up. Pretty soon after news came out that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson (from SNL, one of my favorite SNL cast members btw) were not only dating, but engaged. They were super public about it; didn’t hide from paparazzi, got matching tattoos, she had a song named after him on her album, they got a pet pig together, everything. A while later, Mac Miller died from an overdose. Not quickly after, people started to blame Ariana for his death. *note: there was also a bombing at an Ariana Grande concert a while ago which she was also blamed for somehow* So things haven’t been coming up milhouse for Ariana Grande and then guess what? Yep, her and Pete Davidson break up. She then releases the song Thank U, Next and people say she’s capitalizing off of her exes pain and whatever else (p.s please can this song get less airtime? I get that it’s catchy but jesus)

And today we found out that Pete Davidson has been suicidal.

So a lot of people (including high profile celebrities like Kanye West and Nicki Minaj) have been chiming in. Takes range from “we need to focus on Ariana’s mental health”, to “this is all Ariana’s fault and she’s toxic”, to “Nicki Minaj needs to shut the hell up”, to “could we maybe try to help the guy who threatened suicide?”

So here is where we start talking about the fanbase. AG’s fans have been sending death threats and hateful messages to Pete Davidson for months now. And now that he’s suicidal the prevailing take I’ve seen from her fans is that we should focus on Ariana Grande’s mental health. That in and of itself is fine.

Now Ariana fans have been leaving a deluge of the same annoying comebacks as always on any critical tweet.

Listen, here’s an open letter to twitter stans:

Please, for the love of god, come up with better comebacks. Responding “THAnK yOu, NeXt” under everything has not been witty since the first time somebody did it. Ya’ll are annoying and lack the slightest grasp of comedy. You think you’re funny but you aren’t. It’s literally so easy to respond to people in a witty, sassy way. These canned responses that signify which fandom clan you belong to make you look like you’re jumping at the chance to matter. Thank you.

So here’s where I become a part of this. And by a part of this I mean I’m like a skin tag.

So Andy Milonakis has been tweeting shady stuff about Ariana Grande pretty much all day (I think he might be friends with Pete Davidson, but I don’t know). I don’t agree with a lot of the stuff he’s been saying (although I did find one of his tweets funny), but I saw a reply that I thought was really dumb. Somebody responded to Andy’s tweet with “the locals gettin bold today i see”. For those of you who don’t interact much with twitter stans, a “local” is a catchall term that people whose life is twitter use to insult people with lives or people who are “irrelevant”.

That’s dumb, dude.

So of course I responded: “andy milonakis has been famous for over a decade”.

Well… My tweet has been viewed over 20,000 times now.


I thought it would be pretty much a throw away statement but I guess not…

So of course I’m no online personality now, but I’ve been getting a few responses an hour and that has motivated me to further investigate the Ariana Grande fanbase.

Bad idea.

Now just to be transparent, I’ve had a negative leaning perception of her fans ever since they sent xenophobic messages to Kris Wu in droves when his album charted better than hers. He’s chinese! He’s huge in China! In what world do you think a huge Chinese celebrity would underperform in the charts!? There’s like 2 billion people in China!

So I saw some stuff. Hate towards BTS (who have never done anything to deserve the hate they receive btw), death threats to Pete Davidson who they know is suicidal, and all sorts of corny, mean garbage.

And this was just what I found when I searched “Ariana Grande” on twitter.

I’m sure there’s some fandom slang too but I don’t like Ariana Grande’s music enough to learn her fan lingo. (not to say I dislike her music of course, I love No Tears Left To Cry, God Is A Woman, Into You, and a bunch of her other songs. I just don’t put effort into supporting artists whose b-sides I don’t consistently listen to and enjoy)

Now, those of you acquainted with twitter fans may say “but you like BTS and their fans suck!”.

This is a game of statistics my dude. BTS’s fans rarely send death threats and I’ve never seen one be xenophobic (and of course this is my opinion and it has very little influence in the world.)

I just hope Ariana Grande gets better fans. I hope in the near future we can avoid being subjected to annoying, copy-and-pasted “clapbacks” on twitter. I hope that Kris Wu will receive retribution for the hatred he’s received simply for making music. And I hope some day we’ll all wake up and realize BTS and Beyonce are producing the most consistently great pop culture content on earth and they deserve all of our attention.


I kinda just wanted to post my screenshot on my blog and here I am after writing an over 1,000 word post about things that barely matter.

Thanks for reading!

BTW, my tweet has over 25,000 views now after typing all of this.

Work, Ebay, and Namjoon

Howdy pardners.

I got called in to come to work today…

I’ve got 2 hours of freedom and then I need to work so hopefully I should be able to get a good post out before leaving.

I’m scheduled with the girl I don’t like again and I’m thoroughly unenthused.

I’m gonna wear the most modest outfit in my closet and if she has anything to say I’m probably gonna have an outburst.

I’m in a mood where I wanna say something sassy to someone and I think today is my day, I’ll try to hold back though and be professional.

On a lighter note, an item I really wanted on ebay that ran out of time was relisted so I’m pumped. I think when I get my next next paycheck I’m gonna buy it.

I have fallen down an ebay rabbit hole and the covetry I have is absurd. It’s impossible to not want to buy literally everything.

So today’s big news is that Namjoon from BTS dropped his playlist “mono” like literally 30 minutes ago.

IT’S SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He’s really a genius!

Ugh, I love him. 😦

Please go listen to it it’s free on soundcloud!

Ok, I don’t have much else to say.

I want my little guy back.

I’m not in a good place right now.

I’m so, so crushed by Marshmallow’s death so I’ve resigned myself to just studying for as long as I can so I don’t have to think about anything but words.

I can’t even come within like 6 feet of Mel’s hutch because I get nauseous and start shaking when I see his half eaten bags of treats and his half full water bottle.

I’ve been writing half page diary entries recently because I just have so much to say but I don’t wanna say it on here so I haven’t posted and then that makes me feel like a failure because I really take pride in keeping up with my blog.

It feels like everything in life is a catch 22.

My chihuahuas know there’s something wrong with me so they won’t leave my side. It’s so nice to see how much animals can sense my intentions. Mel could always tell I was looking out for him. He only ever bit me once and it was because he missed a dried cranberry I was feeding him.

He was such a tough little dude and it feels awful to know just how fragile he was.

I’ve been drawing more because I can’t get Mel off of my mind, so I’ve been drawing portraits of him.

I hate that my last memory of him is crying over his blanketed body on the floor. I wish my last memory could’ve been me comforting him as he drifts off but instead his last moments were consumed with terror.

I feel so god awful.

I feel so guilty.

I’ve stopped crying every other hour like I did for the past few days and so far I’ve only cried once today.

I can’t wait until I feel the resolve inside myself to go back to normal but right now I’m just ruined.

I’ve been playing BTS in the background of my day today. I never felt a strong connection to Spring Day by BTS but now when hear it I think of Mel. I guess it’s nice to feel a connection.

I don’t know how to end this post.

I don’t know anything right now.