on break

I’m blogging at work right now so this post probably won’t be my best work but whatever.

You know how I told you about that girl that used to work at my store who came in and made a scene?

She came in again today…

uuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUGH

Did she not get the hint?

But luckily she was only in the store for like 40 minutes this time and she didn’t take it upon herself to tell us how to run the store.

So on a less annoying note- well actually this annoys me too- I did my paperwork for student loans and such the other day. I’m preparing for my orientation which is in a little over a week.

Not super enthusiastic.

But what’s new?

Here’s a question:

Am I getting boring?

It feels like for the past months and a half my blog posts have been really low effort and pretty un-captivating.

I remember my September posts were so good! I want to write like that again!

I think that’s what I’m gonna really focus on for a while: making good content.

I seem to make these types of goals like 3 times a week though so who knows.

I’m gonna go now so i can do other stuff on my break.

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Morning Pages: November 29th, 2018

I haven’t written morning pages in probably over a month.

I have some things to talk about.

Thing 1.

I do not like the new wordpress text editor one bit. 

I like that it’s easier to add stuff like audio to a post and I like the color settings, but… pretty much everything else is not great.

I’ve had 2 experiences where I save a draft and exit the editor to do something else only for my draft to be deleted. I can’t figure out how to add tags to posts. It’s really hard to click back to type in a past sentence.

I just don’t like it.

But it’s prettier.

I think it’s more for business people than bloggers.

Thing 2.

I think I’m being taken advantage of at my job.

When I was promoted to manager I was very excited to get a raise. I wasn’t told what exact amount my raise was until like 2 weeks of managing though and I was very disappointed to find out that my raise was only 1 dollar. I may not have been so disappointed if my coworker who was promoted alongside me wasn’t given a 2.50 dollar raise. And she’s working part time while I’m full time. 

I think I’m gonna ask my boss to basically demote me. I don’t think I’m getting paid enough for the amount of work I’m doing.

This is just motivation to start working harder to make money other ways though.

Thing 3.

It feels like my life isn’t very enriched lately.

I feel like I’m constantly tired and trying to catch up with something. 

I also hate that my work is kinda ruling my life. I feel anxious to, for example, post on instagram on my days off because I don’t want my coworkers to be jealous of me. That’s really dumb and I’m trying to get over it. Trying to remind myself that none of this will matter in like 3 years so…

I’m having a really tough time writing this post.

I should have dedicated to sitting down to write it instead of going to make and eat breakfast in the middle of writing.

I think I’m gonna be done for now because I have stuff to do before I leave for work.

ugh.

I’m scheduled for 9 hours 😦

Life Update November 22nd, 2018

*long audible sigh*

so… I haven’t blogged in a long time…

This has been the longest hiatus I’ve ever taken from blogging. I like to imagine that now that I’ve taken a while off, I’ll be even better at writing but I know from experience that if I don’t practice something, my abilities tend to decline.

So since I’ve been gone, I’ll tell you all about what’s been going on in my life.

Peanut has been getting better. Ever since they put back her hip, she’s been acting like her normal self. I don’t think she knows how dire it is that she makes sure her hip stays in place, because she seems very happy to move about however she feels. Thank you to those who donated to my gofundme. I’ll be shutting it down soon and I think you’ll get your money back so look forward to that.

I’ve been preparing a little for college. I have my orientation soon… horrifying. I don’t feel like crying today so I’m gonna stop talking about college.

Here’s a big thing that’s happened in my life lately:
Ok, this is gonna require a block of text so sorry.

On Sunday, a manager from the store I work at who quit a month ago came into the store. Note: we could not stand each other when we worked together and I celebrated when I found out she quit. So she entered the store at about 2:15. She walked around and appeared to just be shopping which is fine as long as she doesn’t talk to me. She talked to one of the other girls working with me for a while, and then she started to get bold. She saw a display that she didn’t like and decided to move it… This really upset the other girl working. After she’d been in the store for an hour I decided to take my work to the back room so I wouldn’t have to deal with her. I stayed in the back room organizing and stuff for about an hour. While I was back there she decided to teach the third girl on shift how to do a layaway… Nobody wanted a layaway and (in case you forgot) SHE DOESN’T WORK HERE! She apparently went out of her way to take the keys to the fitting rooms too and took it upon herself to help customers (she doesn’t work here…) while I was in the back. Once I came back out it was time for the other manager on duty to take her break so I took on the role of manager on duty. As I was working on the floor, the other girl on shift had a return come in. To do returns at my store, sales associates need the manager key, so I went up to the register to verify the return or whatever and the girl who quit had the audacity to say “I can take the key, I used to be a manager.” NO. I’m not getting fired so you can feel special for a minute! She ended up buying her stuff soon after. She only spent like 40 dollars after spending 3 hours and 10 minutes in the store. So the other girls on shift and I complained to our store manager about this and now we had to write written statements for human resources and the store is gonna get visited by regional people so they can check the security cameras and stuff. ugh. Why does this chick ruin everything? 

That’s been my stressful situation for the past few days.

Can you tell that I’m thoroughly upset?

I’m gonna try to get back to regular blogging soon so… Look forward to that?

I don’t know.

I feel pretty disappointed in myself for my inability to juggle life well lately. I’ve basically gone to work and slept.

I’ve been breaking out lately 😦

I have like 5 new acne scars to deal with now and I hate it.

Just when I felt like my skin was getting better it gets worse.

I’ll probably have more to write about soon so I’m gonna leave for now.

Thanks for reading!

I’ll try to get you more words to read.

Life Update: November 12th, 2018

I really need to stop trying to write posts soon before I need to leave for work.

Ok, so life update.

I haven’t really given much information about how things are going for me as of late so I feel a need to update everyone on what’s up.

The thing that most people would probably think is the biggest deal is likely that I got my college acceptance letter.

I’m gonna start college in mid-January.

I’m freaked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve been doing some of the college prep stuff in my free time; you know: setting up my student ID, emailing people who told me to email them, planning for which orientation I want to go to, trying to get approved for a student credit card, etc.

In a related note, I started another journal (I know I have too many, I just can’t stop). This one I have dubbed my Lifestyle Journal. I basically have been using it to note my information I need for college stuff, planning daily schedules, writing motivational stuff so I can remember to put in effort, brainstorming steps to reach goals, and other stuff.

I have 40 minutes till I need to be clocked in at work. Ugh.

Peanut’s doing OK. She got a hip reduction procedure recently and I hope it’s going to take. I’m so scared that her hip will come back out. I’m trying to keep her drugged up and minimize the amount of physical exertion she partakes in.

I really like my bangs if you wanted a bangs update.

I’ll do an ED update soon but basically I’ve had really strong urges lately.

I haven’t been my productive self as of late. I’ve been in a pretty depressive state (could you tell by my lack of activity?) and I’m trying to pull myself out of it. I’m hoping this dark cloud on m life will clear up by December.

Oh! Speaking of December, I’ve been doing research on driver’s ed and I’m hoping to do my drivers ed stuff throughout December.

Well, I need to start leaving so I’m gonna finish of this entry.

Thanks for reading!

Peanut’s Tough Day

Peanut had a tough day today.

Last night, she was attacked by Maddie. After prying Maddie off of her, she screamed for what felt like a minute straight and for the rest of the night, every time she walked or tried to move she would scream, cry, and whimper.

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When my mom got home, she saw the state of Peanut’s leg and made the decision to take her to an emergency vet.

We spent about 5 hours there waiting, debating prices and treatment, and figuring out payment.

Peanut’s hip is dislocated.

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She’ll probably need surgery some time soon.

We got her some anti-inflammatory and pain meds, so she shouldn’t be hurting too too bad.

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We’re gonna fix her.

Just Livin, Baby

What am I doing today?

Read the title.

It’s halloween and I don’t have a costume, but I don’t really have anywhere to wear a costume so it’s fine.

I feel a little sad about it because I love to wear costumes though.

I can wear a costume any day though, it’s not illegal.


I honestly don’t know what I’ve discussed on here in the past few days so I may reiterate something I’ve said before.

I got scheduled like double my normal hours at work this week, so that’s something happening in my life. Today is my day off.

Lately it’s felt like my body clock has been resetting. I’ve been going to bed a lot later than normal and having a tough time waking up as a result of that. I’m normally quite proud of being an early to bed early to rise person but as of late I’ve gone to bed at like midnight.

That’s crazy.

I normally go to bed at like 9.

I’m gonna try to retransition my sleeping schedule so I can start going to bed earlier again.

I hate waking up late. It feels like I missed something.


Ok, now I have to discuss something that has taken over my day.

However you think this is gonna go, you’re probably wrong.

I watched a video of a baby dying today.

Essentially the video showed a recently born baby in the NICU attached to a lot of machinery and his family around him watching him die.

The thing about the video and the reason it’s going around twitter is that the baby waves and then holds his moms hand before he dies.

Sad right?

Well I’ve been laughing all day because of it.

No, I don’t think an infant dying is funny.

At the beginning of the video, you can hear a family member say “He really ain’t got no neck.” (This was clarified by the original poster of the video that that was to break the ice in the tense room.)

 

I thought that was the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.

Imagine.

You’re in the NICU. A family members newborn son is dying in front of you. The room is tense. You need to make this moment better for everyone in the room.

And what comes to mind to break the ice?

 

“He really ain’t got no neck”

Imagine that being the last thing you hear!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So now whenever I see anything bad happening to someone, I say “He really ain’t got no neck.”

It hasn’t gotten old and I’ve said it like 50 times today.

Just wanted to share that with the whole internet.

Thanks for reading.

I Threw Up At Work

Ok…

I didn’t post yesterday…

I feel kinda bad about it but also I needed to gather my thoughts and take a moment because ugh.

I threw up at work the other day.

I’ll explain how I got to that point now since that’s so very vague.

So on Thursday I was an anxious mess from the moment I woke up. By the time I was supposed to be at work the anxiety had manifested into shaking and being on the verge of tears. Since I am so painfully shy and have awful social skills, I told nobody. You know, as one does.

When I walked into work I was shocked to see that my least favorite coworker was scheduled with me. I didn’t see her name on the schedule so seeing her face the moment I step through the doors was like seeing a ghost. (I really have to walk on eggshells when describing my distaste for her because while she did put in her 2 weeks notice a week ago, I still may have to work with her and she may read this. Just understand any displeasure I express is multiplied by a factor of at least 5 in my actual mind)

The moment I saw her I was pushed ever so slightly closer to full on crying but I needed money and I try to be professional so I just stayed on the other side of the store from her.

I really don’t wanna blame her for my terrible anxiety or whatever, but she was the last straw. Just a disclaimer.

So I’m doing the whole work thing, carefully monitoring wherever she was so I could always be far away from her. I get about 45 minutes into my shift and she pulls be to the back room and tells me that I’m, dressed unprofessionally. Great.

I just wanna say that I was apparently dressed unprofessionally because of my pants. My khaki palazzo pants. The khaki palazzo pants that I’ve worn to work at least 4 times.

Apparently they’re too sheer.

Am I just such an amazing actress that people can’t tell when I’m on the verge of tears or something, because that is god awful timing. I would never criticize the way someone is dressed when they just arrived somewhere that they can’t leave for 6 hours. Is that me being weird or is that me being rational because I think that’s what any person with empathy would do.

You know what? Screw it.

She says this to me like I’m a f*cking dog and expects me to be fine with it, but I’m not. I think she needs to reevaluate the way she speaks to others.

OK. Mean digression over.

So after she says this to me I go back on the floor to help customers or whatever and I burst into tears after about 10 minutes. Luckily I was just cleaning a display but still.

I just couldn’t handle the environment I was in.

I’m in full panic attack mode and I get super nauseous and I run to the restroom and vomit.

Shoutout to me for not vomiting in the middle of the floor.

Vomiting really helped calm me down but even today I’m still in a really nervous state because I’m scared I’ll get a condescending text from her or something.

I think it might be a really bad idea for me to post this but I haven’t named names and I haven’t even told anyone online where I work so I think I’m in loophole territory.

Ok.

I’ll probably post 2 entries today because I just really needed to get this off of my chest.