January 28th, 2019

Hi there!

I haven’t written anything about my inner workings in a while. I’ve written about stuff I did and existential terror, but nothing super mundane.

So I’m just going to write in a semi-stream-of-conscience style until I’m worn out.


I’m a few weeks into college. I don’t like it honestly, no surprise there. I don’t feel much motivation in general right now. I feel like I’m waiting for something, but I don’t know what that something is. It’s like when you’re sick and you say you’ll d something when you feel better, but right now I feel fine yet I’m not doing much.

I’m doing what I need to get by, but I don’t think anything in my life is progressing.

I’ll write on that more in the near future.


My bullet journal is almost full.

Um… Not much else to say about it.


Posh and Samoa have been annoying me. They’ve developed a habit of scream-barking at me whenever I’m standing. If I’m sitting on the couch or my mom’s bed they’re fine (I use the term fine extremely loosely), but if I’m walking down the hallway or cooking in the kitchen they bark like they’re being tortured.

It’s upsetting.

Did I tell everyone that Samoa got neutered? I think I did. I hope he chills out once he’s less hormonal. He’s so… intense. He’s pushy and mean and he doesn’t understand that we don’t want him to bite at our faces. :/ Let’s cross our fingers, I guess.


OK.

I was planning on not talking about this until it’s finalized, but I’m sick of being secretive.

I quit my job.

So where does that leave me?

Well, I’m going to take a while before getting back to work so that I can adjust fully to college and hopefully find some margin of fulfillment in my life. As one does.

I’m thinking I’ll spend February focusing on self improvement and getting my life together.

I can’t figure out what it was in my life that was going well at that time, but back in September I felt like my life was improving all around. I’m trying to reflect and hopefully replicate that.

I’m kind of in a weird space where I don’t feel like anything is happening, yet I’m expectant of something. Sometimes it’s the times when you don’t feel change that change is happening, though so I’ll hold out.

I’ll make a dedicated post about this later, but I’m hoping to gain some momentum.


 

I’m running out of steam, so I’ll leave you guys with a picture of Peanut.

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I nudged her awake to take this. She looks good when she wakes up, wish that were me.

 

 

 

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My Winter Wonderland Day

*authors note: I wrote this post about a month ago and never posted it, but I put in a lot of effort to edit and watermark these photos. Plus this was a really nice day, so I’d like to share it with you anyway.*

I think I say it every 5 minutes, but winter is my favorite season.

Every year I pretty much just count down to winter and then when winter is over I get super sad.

About a week ago, I had a really nice winter day.

I wanted to share my photos and some commentary with you!

We woke up pretty early in the morning because my mom had a doctors appointment about an hour from our house at 8-ish. So we left the house at about 6 and took a nice drive.

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The drive was pretty uneventful, but I was intrigued by this truck.

I just sat in the lobby at the doctors office while my mom got checked out, so I took a selfie with the tree. They were playing a lot of christmas music I’ve never heard before. Did you know Kelly Clarkson has a christmas album? Maybe I’m the weird one for not knowing that.

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My bangs look greasy but I swear they’re just wet.

After visiting the doctors office, we had a few hours to waste until a dentist appointment, so we went to one of our favorite places: Central Market.

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This succulent wreath was like $65.
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This wasn’t $65
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 I love the fact that I’m only a little over an hour from a concrete artichoke when I’m in my home. It’s comforting.
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Less comforting concrete produce.
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I have an odd obsession with photos that are edge to edge.

There was a photo area set up outside the store, so being the camwhore I am, I had to take pictures.

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After spending some time (and about $14) in central market, we went to have an early lunch. I was so excited because we were right near my favorite restaurant, but they were closed :(((((

So we went to a pizza place that, much to my joy, offered vegan cheese.

I didn’t take a picture of my food because I generally don’t photograph my food, but I DID get a picture of the cool sink in the restroom.

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overjoyed
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The dryer is the big flat grey bit. It was super cool in the moment, I swear.

After eating, we went to the dentist. It was pretty uneventful, but they had the food network on so I got to watch The Pioneer Woman.

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Sorry for the ugly picture, Ree Drummond.

After that was the main event of the day… ICE SCULPTURES!!!!!!

I have a very intense love of ice sculptures and I’d been hoping to see these for like 2 months, so enthusiasm ahead.

We took a pretty long drive up to the Gaylord Texan,

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I thought the giant blue parkas they gave us were actually really cute… I think I was alone on that one.

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I didn’t get a good picture of the snowman, this is all I got.

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People are animals, they broke his hand off 😦

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In the gift shop, they were selling little notebooks with characters on them, but all they had left was him. All the Rudolphs and snowmen and other characters were all sold. I kinda felt bad for him.
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Painfully cute. I bought a stuffed polka-dotted elephant, don’t tell anyone.

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This was in the room with the giant ice slide. I felt like a giant dork sliding down the ice slide with all the toddlers. The staff glared at me :/
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The reindeer look like Pingu from the front. noot noot.

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And much to my surprise, my favorite sculptures actually came at the end.

In the nativity scene.

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I love him. I want to take him home with me 😦

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The ice was upsettingly clear. It was kinda breathtaking

Not much else to say, but I was amused by how huge the Gaylord Texan is (I’ve never been there before). They have their own FedEx!

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After this we kinda just went home.

Well thanks for reading!

Bye for now!

*P.S. I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a while, I’ve actually been trying to but wordpress has been giving me an error message every time I try to post, schedule, or save ANYTHING. I’m mad about it. Love you guys though.*

Library Card

I really like it when my blog posts have short, original titles. I have a weird fear of running out of names for my blog entries, so it’s… comforting.

I got a library card today.

I think I would have gotten one earlier, but I’d be a liar if I said I knew where my nearest public library was before last week. I thought it was like a 20 minute drive away, but it’s nearer!

I went to the public library today because I needed to do an online quiz for my math course and the system they use doesn’t run on Chrome OS. So I needed to track down a windows or mac computer.

My mom and I were out anyway because we had appointments at the optometrist (new glasses soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), so we went to the library.

To use the computers at the library they charge you a dollar for each use, but you have free access with a library card and the library cards are free so I figured I’ll get a card and use my dollar for maybe… I don’t know… A bag of twizzlers at the dollar tree? I’ll figure it out later.

I was riding the high or being an intellectual with a library card, but then my day was stifled because the PCs at the library weren’t compatible with the quiz software. 😦

So we went home and thank god for my moms friend because she logged onto my account on her computer up in MAINE and put in my answers for me while I told her which ones over the phone! YAY! (thank you if you’re reading this, i didn’t use your name because i like people to have anonymity unless i get their permission)

Today was over all a success.

I had a nice study session, I took selfies with Maddie, I had a wonderful conversation with the optometrist, and I got a library card! Plus I got a 100% on my quiz!

Oh you wanna see my selfies with Maddie? Here’s one!

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BTW: I’m feeling better. Haven’t puked in a few days. Still feel weird inside my head, I feel residual fever for like 2 weeks. :/

Edit: I forgot to mention it in the entry at first, but I’m still very satisfied with my labrary card because guess what? They have a big anthology of Junji Ito’s Tomie!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’ve only ever read it online! I wanna read it on paper so bad!!!

Last Entry of 2018

Hi everyone!

I’ve been out and about from sunrise to sunset for the past few days so I haven’t taken the time to write out a blog entry, but my mom and I are waiting for a dinner reservation right now so I figured I’d write.

I really don’t like sentimental mumbo jumbo, so this probably won’t be some grand reflection on the year. I just wanna write out my thoughts.

I’m so happy to be where I am. I tend to not enjoy most things celebrational because I tend to have pretty unexceptional celebrations. But I’m at disney world right now!!

I’m 100% the type of person to make new years resolutions (which I already wrote out in october because duh), and I just thought of a new one.

I want to celebrate stuff next year.

This whole year I haven’t done anything to celebrate anything other than blog posts. I didn’t have a birthday party, I took a nap after my graduation ceremony.

Yeah, I think I want to get excited about stuff in 2019.

So there.

That’s my last entry of 2018.

Let’s end this with what- in my opinion- is the best photo of me this year.

I don’t think I ever posted this on here

on break

I’m blogging at work right now so this post probably won’t be my best work but whatever.

You know how I told you about that girl that used to work at my store who came in and made a scene?

She came in again today…

uuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUGH

Did she not get the hint?

But luckily she was only in the store for like 40 minutes this time and she didn’t take it upon herself to tell us how to run the store.

So on a less annoying note- well actually this annoys me too- I did my paperwork for student loans and such the other day. I’m preparing for my orientation which is in a little over a week.

Not super enthusiastic.

But what’s new?

Here’s a question:

Am I getting boring?

It feels like for the past months and a half my blog posts have been really low effort and pretty un-captivating.

I remember my September posts were so good! I want to write like that again!

I think that’s what I’m gonna really focus on for a while: making good content.

I seem to make these types of goals like 3 times a week though so who knows.

I’m gonna go now so i can do other stuff on my break.

Morning Pages: November 29th, 2018

I haven’t written morning pages in probably over a month.

I have some things to talk about.

Thing 1.

I do not like the new wordpress text editor one bit. 

I like that it’s easier to add stuff like audio to a post and I like the color settings, but… pretty much everything else is not great.

I’ve had 2 experiences where I save a draft and exit the editor to do something else only for my draft to be deleted. I can’t figure out how to add tags to posts. It’s really hard to click back to type in a past sentence.

I just don’t like it.

But it’s prettier.

I think it’s more for business people than bloggers.

Thing 2.

I think I’m being taken advantage of at my job.

When I was promoted to manager I was very excited to get a raise. I wasn’t told what exact amount my raise was until like 2 weeks of managing though and I was very disappointed to find out that my raise was only 1 dollar. I may not have been so disappointed if my coworker who was promoted alongside me wasn’t given a 2.50 dollar raise. And she’s working part time while I’m full time. 

I think I’m gonna ask my boss to basically demote me. I don’t think I’m getting paid enough for the amount of work I’m doing.

This is just motivation to start working harder to make money other ways though.

Thing 3.

It feels like my life isn’t very enriched lately.

I feel like I’m constantly tired and trying to catch up with something. 

I also hate that my work is kinda ruling my life. I feel anxious to, for example, post on instagram on my days off because I don’t want my coworkers to be jealous of me. That’s really dumb and I’m trying to get over it. Trying to remind myself that none of this will matter in like 3 years so…

I’m having a really tough time writing this post.

I should have dedicated to sitting down to write it instead of going to make and eat breakfast in the middle of writing.

I think I’m gonna be done for now because I have stuff to do before I leave for work.

ugh.

I’m scheduled for 9 hours 😦

Life Update November 22nd, 2018

*long audible sigh*

so… I haven’t blogged in a long time…

This has been the longest hiatus I’ve ever taken from blogging. I like to imagine that now that I’ve taken a while off, I’ll be even better at writing but I know from experience that if I don’t practice something, my abilities tend to decline.

So since I’ve been gone, I’ll tell you all about what’s been going on in my life.

Peanut has been getting better. Ever since they put back her hip, she’s been acting like her normal self. I don’t think she knows how dire it is that she makes sure her hip stays in place, because she seems very happy to move about however she feels. Thank you to those who donated to my gofundme. I’ll be shutting it down soon and I think you’ll get your money back so look forward to that.

I’ve been preparing a little for college. I have my orientation soon… horrifying. I don’t feel like crying today so I’m gonna stop talking about college.

Here’s a big thing that’s happened in my life lately:
Ok, this is gonna require a block of text so sorry.

On Sunday, a manager from the store I work at who quit a month ago came into the store. Note: we could not stand each other when we worked together and I celebrated when I found out she quit. So she entered the store at about 2:15. She walked around and appeared to just be shopping which is fine as long as she doesn’t talk to me. She talked to one of the other girls working with me for a while, and then she started to get bold. She saw a display that she didn’t like and decided to move it… This really upset the other girl working. After she’d been in the store for an hour I decided to take my work to the back room so I wouldn’t have to deal with her. I stayed in the back room organizing and stuff for about an hour. While I was back there she decided to teach the third girl on shift how to do a layaway… Nobody wanted a layaway and (in case you forgot) SHE DOESN’T WORK HERE! She apparently went out of her way to take the keys to the fitting rooms too and took it upon herself to help customers (she doesn’t work here…) while I was in the back. Once I came back out it was time for the other manager on duty to take her break so I took on the role of manager on duty. As I was working on the floor, the other girl on shift had a return come in. To do returns at my store, sales associates need the manager key, so I went up to the register to verify the return or whatever and the girl who quit had the audacity to say “I can take the key, I used to be a manager.” NO. I’m not getting fired so you can feel special for a minute! She ended up buying her stuff soon after. She only spent like 40 dollars after spending 3 hours and 10 minutes in the store. So the other girls on shift and I complained to our store manager about this and now we had to write written statements for human resources and the store is gonna get visited by regional people so they can check the security cameras and stuff. ugh. Why does this chick ruin everything? 

That’s been my stressful situation for the past few days.

Can you tell that I’m thoroughly upset?

I’m gonna try to get back to regular blogging soon so… Look forward to that?

I don’t know.

I feel pretty disappointed in myself for my inability to juggle life well lately. I’ve basically gone to work and slept.

I’ve been breaking out lately 😦

I have like 5 new acne scars to deal with now and I hate it.

Just when I felt like my skin was getting better it gets worse.

I’ll probably have more to write about soon so I’m gonna leave for now.

Thanks for reading!

I’ll try to get you more words to read.