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I Threw Up At Work

Ok…

I didn’t post yesterday…

I feel kinda bad about it but also I needed to gather my thoughts and take a moment because ugh.

I threw up at work the other day.

I’ll explain how I got to that point now since that’s so very vague.

So on Thursday I was an anxious mess from the moment I woke up. By the time I was supposed to be at work the anxiety had manifested into shaking and being on the verge of tears. Since I am so painfully shy and have awful social skills, I told nobody. You know, as one does.

When I walked into work I was shocked to see that my least favorite coworker was scheduled with me. I didn’t see her name on the schedule so seeing her face the moment I step through the doors was like seeing a ghost. (I really have to walk on eggshells when describing my distaste for her because while she did put in her 2 weeks notice a week ago, I still may have to work with her and she may read this. Just understand any displeasure I express is multiplied by a factor of at least 5 in my actual mind)

The moment I saw her I was pushed ever so slightly closer to full on crying but I needed money and I try to be professional so I just stayed on the other side of the store from her.

I really don’t wanna blame her for my terrible anxiety or whatever, but she was the last straw. Just a disclaimer.

So I’m doing the whole work thing, carefully monitoring wherever she was so I could always be far away from her. I get about 45 minutes into my shift and she pulls be to the back room and tells me that I’m, dressed unprofessionally. Great.

I just wanna say that I was apparently dressed unprofessionally because of my pants. My khaki palazzo pants. The khaki palazzo pants that I’ve worn to work at least 4 times.

Apparently they’re too sheer.

Am I just such an amazing actress that people can’t tell when I’m on the verge of tears or something, because that is god awful timing. I would never criticize the way someone is dressed when they just arrived somewhere that they can’t leave for 6 hours. Is that me being weird or is that me being rational because I think that’s what any person with empathy would do.

You know what? Screw it.

She says this to me like I’m a f*cking dog and expects me to be fine with it, but I’m not. I think she needs to reevaluate the way she speaks to others.

OK. Mean digression over.

So after she says this to me I go back on the floor to help customers or whatever and I burst into tears after about 10 minutes. Luckily I was just cleaning a display but still.

I just couldn’t handle the environment I was in.

I’m in full panic attack mode and I get super nauseous and I run to the restroom and vomit.

Shoutout to me for not vomiting in the middle of the floor.

Vomiting really helped calm me down but even today I’m still in a really nervous state because I’m scared I’ll get a condescending text from her or something.

I think it might be a really bad idea for me to post this but I haven’t named names and I haven’t even told anyone online where I work so I think I’m in loophole territory.

Ok.

I’ll probably post 2 entries today because I just really needed to get this off of my chest.

 

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Good News x6

Ok.

I need to get a post out again.

Luckily I’m not on a time crunch today so hopefully this won’t be quite as bad of an entry as yesterdays.

I have a lot of things to say that I think will only give me about 2 paragraphs of content each (maximum) so I’ll give each topic a header.

Good Post Coming Up

I’ve been working on a blog post for about 4 days at this point that I hope you guys will like. I don’t wanna reveal anything about it, but it should be posted tomorrow or the next day. I feel like the post I have brewing will really be a big stepping stone in my blogging career, for real. It should hopefully draw new readers to my blog and make a few fellow bloggers happy. Are you excited yet?

BiscuitsXMonsters Put Up My Picture!

I think I told you guys that they asked me to take some product photos for their online store an well… the photos are up! I feel like a model or something!

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Do you see me?
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You should now!

I’ll link to their store since they’re so nice to me: http://biscuitsxmonsters.storenvy.com

P.S you can use my code “dearmikah” for free shipping on their site, I don’t get paid for it so if you hate me don’t worry you won’t pay me for buying some of the cute stuff on there. I genuinely support the brand.

Work Update

As you guys may know, I work at a clothing store. I make a little over minimum wage and I don’t get a ton of hours because I’m part time but guess what…

My boss offered to promote me to a assistant manager!

So I should be getting more hours (I won’t let this get in the way of my writing) and a raise! Alongside getting a title of course.

A manager quit so my store manager wants to fill the space she left. She also asked me if I’m interested in doing visuals for the store and of course I’m into that so…. YAY!

I love this!

Hopefully I’ll be able to put more money toward my blog with my raise so you can have an even better experience!

Republished Article

No, my article I didn’t like hasn’t been edited, but I do have some good freelancing news!

My Seedling Magazine article will be republished on littlegreenseedling.com so you guys can read it without having to download a copy of Seedling! This is to get the word out about the great pieces in Seedling so if you go over there and like what you see, please download their magazine!

I’m not being paid to say this by the way. If I ever have a real sponsored post, I’ll disclose it because I know you guys trust me and I really value that.

I’ll remind you guys of this on the day it’s put up on the website so you can click a link directly to it.

Bangs Update

I still want bangs and I’m still excited to cut them!

Bullet Journal Spread

My bujo spread for this week is both cute and disappointing. It’s Oogie-Boogie themed and I’m not a great freehand artist so my drawing of Oogie isn’t wonderful, but the colors are great. I love my tombow dual brush pens, they’re so vibrant! I used them for almost the whole spread.

P.S I know The Nightmare Before Christmas is a christmas movie, but I love Oogie-Boogie and I think his colors fit better for my halloweentime spreads. I do have plans for a Nightmare Before Christmas themed christmas spread though so if you love that movie like I do, be patient.

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My Oogie-Boogie looks like Patrick from Spongebob got the suds 😦

So yay!

Today’s post feels good to me and I like making positive content sometimes. I’m really not as negative as I seem, I’m just a pessimist– it’s different.

Thank you so much for reading!

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Writing Until I Need To Stop

I work today.

I worked about 9 hours yesterday and I planned to write a blog post during my break but I didn’t.

I’m getting a post out today no matter what it takes though.

I always put “blog before work” on my daily to-do list when I work and I really try my best to check that box off but that didn’t happen yesterday.

Today’s post will be pretty mundane.

I’m pretty tired today.

I’ve been having a really hard time sleeping for the past like 3 nights.

I had a really great idea at like 23:00 the other night and ended up typing for 4 hours and since then my sleep schedule is basically in tatters.

hm…

I really have nothing to say.

This is one of those days when I would normally look for something that upsets me on twitter and then I’d write an 800 word post about it in a standard commentary style but I have about 6 minutes until I need to start getting ready for work.

I’ve been really cold for the past few days.

I think it’ probably because the temperature outside has gone down a little but we haven’t changed the settings on our a/c yet. I don’t wanna sweat my mom out of the house though so I’m not gonna change the temperature. I’ll just wear some of my amazing fuzzy socks from dollar tree.

It was hot at work yesterday though. Even customers who were only in the store for like 10 minutes complained.

I of course was completely covered from head to toe so I was quite warm.

It didn’t help that my hair was down.

I don’t think I’m good at temperature regulation.

I’m very rarely comfortable as far as temperature goes.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

AAAAAA

I’ve gone a minute over the time I allotted myself to write so I’m gonna go now.

Thanks for reading!

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I’m Not Gonna Not Post

I have no reason to not post today.

I kinda had no big goals for the day and I had no plans, but here I am. The sun’s almost down and I still haven’t written yet.

But at the same time, here I am, writing a blog entry as we speak.

 

You know what I wish would make a comeback? Cell phone charms.

Do you remember when every phone had a little notch in it to put a charm in? No you can’t find any phone case let alone phone with charm capabilities. My phone case can work around that because there’s a thin bit near where the little flap covers the ringer switch.

So I think with my upcoming paycheck I’m gonna buy this phone charm I found on etsy. I’ll update you on my phone charm journey later.

I’m still kinda flustered about my ruined guest post.

I actually quite liked the article I wrote (until it was posted) but whatever, I got a good number of new views in the past few days.

I think I’m gonna reach my view goal for my blog this month. Last month I was 9 views away 😦

Oooo you know what I’ve discovered?

If you combine pasta with aldi marinara sauce and the aldi vegan mozzarella, it tastes exactly like a stouffers cheese lasagna.

I used to eat those when I was vegetarian and they were a delight so I’m pumped that I’ve been able to replicate the flavor in a dairy free way.

If you have an aldi near you, please buy their vegan stuff. I want them to see the demand and keep producing it because good god that mozzarella and that chocolate ice cream are life changing.

I also like their vegan potstickers and black bean burgers.

I hope they make even more vegan stuff.

Yesterday I went to aldi and I wore a coat and shorts and I could hear the lady behind me lecturing her daughter to never dress like me. haha.

That may be good advice honestly.

I like the way I dress though. I think I stand out in a crowd and my clothes get the point across that I want to get across.

I’ve written over 30 words so I think this entry is sufficient so I’ll sign off here.

Thanks for reading! Bye!

day in the life

October 5th, 2018

Today’s a big day!

I’ll get to things as they happen but here’s a synopsis of October 5th.

I woke up at around 9:00. I had actually woken up for about an hour at 6:00 but I ended up falling back asleep much to my chagrin.

I woke up and went to the living room with my laptop where I edited my final draft of an article I sent to be put up on another website (I’ll link it when it’s published). I sent it to the owner of the website and then I got an email…

My first article in a magazine was published today!

I have a piece in Seedling Magazine !

YAY!

I got my payment for the article a few days ago but it didn’t feel real until I saw it!

Please go download and read the magazine!

Here’s another link if you didn’t notice the earlier one:    https://littlegreenseedling.com/magazine/

I’m hoping this article will drive a little more traffic to my site and hopefully kickstart my writing “career”.

I then went over to my photo area because I’ve been asked by the nice people at BiscuitsXMonsters asked me to take some product pictures for them! My pictures should be on the website soon! (if you wanna buy something from them my discount code is: dearmikah)

Here’s one of the pictures I took:

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So after my super eventful few hours, we got mail. I didn’t get what I was hoping would arrive today. 😦 I thought my 2nd milkgirl sweater would arrive but it still hasn’t. That’s fine though, I’m willing to wait.

I also applied for a gas card today. I tried to apply for a credit card a while ago and I got rejected because I don’t have a credit score yet since I’ve never had a credit card. Does that sound dumb to you too? I’m hoping I’ll get accepted for this.

I’m hoping to get in a good Japanese study session today. So to do that I’m gonna have to stop writing this post soon.

I have a video uploading on youtube right now so if you don’t keep up with my youtube channel… new video!

It’s a mukbang.

Well I guess I’ll go now.

Bye for now!

 

 

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October 1st

*gif warning*

 

 

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It’s October everyone!

So what are we doing in October?

Despite my love of old halloween themed geocities blinkies, I actually don’t like halloween. I am a very, very easily scared person. If my mom enters the kitchen while I’m cooking I scream because just that small surprise terrifies me. When I was 8 years old I had an undying hatred of Michael Jackson because the thriller music video scared me so bad. When we go to Disney World I can’t enter the dinosaur area of Animal Kingdom because the dinosaur animatronics scare me to death. In other worlds I’m too weak for scary things.

I don’t know anybody who’s having a halloween party and I’m too old to fruitfully trick or treat, so I don’t have anywhere to wear it but…

I wanna make a halloween costume!

I’ve never made my own halloween costume, I didn’t always trick or treat or anything for halloween and when I did they would be either made by my mom or store bought. I’ve made a few (terrible) cosplays in my day (thank god there are no photos of the Equius one). So I think with enough effort I could make a costume that’s not skin-crawlingly embarassing at this point in my life.

What else do I wanna do in October?

I wanna…

  • get 70 more monthly views on my blog than September
  • try to take at least one photo every day
  • save as much money as i can from my paychecks
  • do at least 6 lessons in Mandarin and Japanese respectively
  • finish 3 more chapters of my korean textbook
  • do my acne scar routine on my chest acne scars
  • write at least 2 articles for other publications
  • send in my college application
  • write in my diary at least 20 times
  • eat at my favorite restaurant once *fingers crossed*
  • make a youtube video where I speak 0 english
  • go over my spanish (a customer came into the store who only spoke spanish and I felt so bad because I didn’t know how to tell her that the fitting rooms were full)
  • take a few OOTD pictures
  • do better at eating than in September

October also means we’re 10 months into 2018!

It feels like it was just March last week.

I’m hoping that in 2019 things will be even better. I have goals already set for 2019, but I’ll tell them to you around New Years. I’ll need some of you guy’s help achieving them so I hope you’ll pay attention to those.

October also means it’s the perfect time to use my favorite lotion!

My favorite body butter is called Carved For Attention and it’s an old limited edition perfectly posh lotion. It smells like pumpkin pie to me. I wish perfectly posh would bring it back.

So since the post is called October 1st, I’ll tell you what’s going on today, October 1st.

I sometimes like to imagine somebody reading my blog 7 years in the future and wondering what was going on in the world as I wrote these posts. SO here’s what’s going on in the world on October 1st, 2018.

The #1 trending topic on twitter is #october1st.

It’s been 1 year since the Las Vegas shooting.

A tsunami just recently hit Indonesia and Japan (my condolences for those who’ve died and unending support to those affected)

Kanye West changed his name to YE on Saturday and is doing more stupid stuff apparently.

The 73rd UN general assembly is happening as I speak. (BTS spoke there a few days ago and I’m so proud.)

The Brett Kavanaugh investigation has been elevated to an FBI investigation.

Google is supposed to drop the Pixel 3 on October 9th.

Multiple protests are going on for Muslim Detention in China.

Elon Musk may have been bought out from Tesla (I can’t really tell what’s going on)

So yeah, those are the things that come up when I look for news today. If you’re reading this far in the future please comment the date you’re reading this and the most interesting news story to you so we can keep this news of the day thing going.

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I Did It

Well everybody,

I posted every day in September.

I think by doing this I’ve gotten what I wanted out of the experiment in full.

I’ve gotten over my writers block. I’ve gotten better at setting aside time to blog. I’ve received quite a few new bog followers and readers. I think my content has improved. I’ve begun to appreciate my blog even more. I’ve made taking photos a bigger part of my life and while doing that I think my photography has gotten better.

I think I’m gonna try to maintain the habits I’ve made while blogging daily for the rest of my blogging career.

So thank you so much if you haven’t gotten annoyed by my entries, and I hope you’ll continue to read my blog!

 

Morning Pages

Morning Pages: September 26th, 2018

Hello.

Wanna read 900 words of nonsense?

You’re in the right place.

I have a video uploading to youtube right now (I’ll embed it if it finishes uploading while I’m typing) and it’s kinda nonsensical. I wanna make really consistent videos on there rather than videos that don’t have any unifying factor but I also just wanna post whatever I film. It’s tough to figure out which feeling is stronger.

I kinda wanna start making beauty videos. I may start posting those in conjunction with other types of videos. I think I have some unique perspectives when it comes to stuff like hair and makeup because I rarely see people who do their hair and makeup like I do.

You know what, I’m glad I started typing this because I’ve decided that’s what I’m gonna do.

Did you guys know they sell vegan cheese at Aldi now!?

It’s really good too!

If you shop at Aldi and they have the vegan cheese in stock, I recommend you buy some. The mozzarella shreds have that bite to them that dairy mozzarella has and it’s really nice. It also gets stringy when it melts like dairy mozzarella.

I finally surpassed 300 instagram followers last night! My big goal is to reach 1000 before my next birthday (August of 2019), so it’s pretty exciting to be 3/10 of the way there.

Instagram is great. I think a lot of people are unfairly critical of social media in general, but especially instagram. In my opinion, instagram is like a magazine but you get to personally curate what you want to see. A lot of people say it gives people body dysmorphia and eating disorders, but I think that’s a super disrespectful take. People with body dysmorphia are mentally ill and so are people with eating disorders. As a person who is literally recovering from an eating disorder, I think it’s super reductive to blame an app for people experiencing eating disorders. I think maybe if we wanted to reduce the amount of eating disorder patients, we should try to focus on debunking body based stereotypes. I know a lot of my ED stuff comes from not wanting to seem lazy, tough, or manly. If we didn’t associate higher weights with negative traits like laziness and masculinity (in women, I know masculinity isn’t a bad thing) we would likely see fewer people going to unhealthy extents to lose weight.

But back to instagram.

I love being able to see what a person values in life. I think what a person put on their instagram page is very telling as to what they value. For example, I follow a friend who really values the inside jokes she shares with her friends so a lot of her posts are cryptic inside jokes. In my case, I really value aesthetics and nature so my entire feed it visually focused and my captions are particularly uninteresting. I refuse to post things on my instagram that I don’t find aesthetically pleasing whereas a lot of people will post something they may find ugly because they value it.

That’s cool!

You know what’s making me kinda sad?

Tumblr is dying out.

Why couldn’t it be reddit!?

For years, tumblr was my number one social media network and it’s depressing to see that most of the people on there now are discourse arguers and men looking for girls to send creepy messages to. I miss back when there were people who had personality based tumblrs. I don’t wanna name names because I follow a lot of the people who come to mind on twitter and they’re ashamed of their tumblr days so I won’t embarrass them. You don’t see a lot of people who’s tumblrs are about them as people anymore and that sucks. My tumblr is still like that, I post the photos I don’t think fit my instagram on there mainly and the occasional crossposted blog post.

I wish reddit would die instead of tumblr.

I don’t understand why anyone is voluntarily going on there at this point. The layout is ugly, it’s crawling with neonazis, and it’s not new user friendly (I know because I tried to give reddit a real chance recently, terrible idea). ugh.

I guess since I’m talking about social media, I’ll keep that theme.

Facebook should die with reddit.

Is that a super hot take?

It’s also got an ugly layout and is also crawling with neonazis. I mainly use facebook to keep up with my family members who don’t use other websites. I also occasionally take part in facebook group threads for bloggers and stuff like that but that doesn’t make facebook better.

Hmm… I’ve only got about 120 words left.

I’ll tell you about my plans for today.

I’m gonna try to film another video, photograph Maddie, and go to the psychiatrist. I think when I get home for the night and I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do for the day, I wanna watch Black Panther again. I adore Black Panther.

I think I should focus on Russian for my daily studies today. It’s been a few too many days since my last good Russian study session. I think in the coming few weeks I’m gonna try to get back into using memrise. I used to be a big memrise user, in fact when I was 14 it was the only way I studied for about 8 months.

ooo. we’re at 905 words.

My video is still uploading so I guess I’ll embed my youtube video in a different post. sorry 😦

Thanks for reading!

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post 200

I’m 200 posts in!

I’m so happy that my blog has actually lasted long enough to reach this milestone!

When I first started I was worried that this may be a thing I do for a month and then give up but I really feel like my blog is a part of my life now and is one of the most important things to me currently.

So I thought I’d tell you something I’ve neglected to reveal for the 7 months I’ve been blogging on dearmikah.com.

I had another blog in the past.

You may or may not have assumed this because I’ve posted before about how I miss the old “blogosphere” and how the internet was a big deal in my childhood. This blog was something I worked on for a few months when I was 11 years old and wow… It’s god awful.

My blog was titled “funtime? maybe!” and it was a total childish ripoff of hyperbole and a half. The title of the blog came from my awful Borat impression in which I only ever said “we have fun time!”

I guess I’ll show you some screenshots now…

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Did you think your random phase was bad?
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really great layout
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great font. great questions nobody ever asked.
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this was my about page

So I guess I’ll sum up this post by giving you a feel good lesson.

If my old blog proves anything it’s that there’s always time to change and nothing in your life ever has to be stagnant.

Thank god.

If you wanna go check out the content my awful 11 year old self was producing you can go to funtimemaybe.blogspot.com

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My Favorite Weather and Other Stuff

I’m very happy today because the weather is exactly to my liking.

I’m very strongly affected by the weather when it comes to my mood and if the weather is in my opinion bad, I’m less motivated, less enthusiastic, harder to excite, and more sedentary.

So what constitutes good weather to me?

  • clouds
  • rain
  • cold temperatures (even though it never gets truly cold where I live)
  • snow is my ultimate favorite but again, it only snows like every other year
  • dark skies
  • when the grass looks technicolor bright
  • petrichor scent
  • the general season of winter

I’ve always wondered if I may have seasonal affective disorder (or whatever it’s called) but I’m depressed in summer rather than winter.

I’m so excited that summer is ending!

I sometimes wish I was born in winter so I could have a real birthday celebration. In summer everyone is busy going on vacation and doing summer stuff that it feels like I’d be inconveniencing my friends if I invited them to celebrate my birthday with me, so for the past like 4-5 years I haven’t tried to do anything for my birthday.

Next year I think I’m gonna try to throw myself a birthday party for the first time in my life. Don’t get confused and think I’ve never had a birthday party: I’ve had a few. I’ve just never thrown one for myself.

It’s on my bucket list to have a real birthday party and I think if I start planning early I’ll be over the anxiety in time for next August.

That sounds crazy when I read it.

Ugh! Poptart just pissed on my thigh high boots 😦

I semi-dried them, I’ll clean them off after posting this.

I thought this would be a good substantial post about weather but honestly I wanna write about other things in my life right now.

My mom got me a gift that makes me really happy yesterday.

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The back says “Love always, Marshmallow”

I wish Mel was still here. We should be getting his ashes soon and I’m hoping to be finished with the scrapbook page I’m making before we get them.

The page is red and white themed because I’m 90% sure his favorite color was red. All his favorite foods and toys were red so I’m just drawing conclusions but I like to give traits like that to all of my pets. Sometimes people cringe when I say things about my pets favorite colors and songs but I can really see how certain stimuli change their demeanor! Like Poptart loves older VIXX songs while Peanut likes City and Color. I’m sorry for these people that they don’t connect with animals the way I do.

I need to get some pictures of Marshmallow printed because I need them for my memorial and to frame. He was so pretty.

I can’t wait to live my dream of having a small house near the mountains with a herd of chianina cattle on the property and a ton of rabbits in the house. I think to memorialize Mel I’m gonna name all my future rabbits M names. I already have Marzipan, Mochi, Mango, and Mellocreme chosen. I’d prefer they all be food names but it’s tough to come up with M food names for rabbits. I like giving all of my pets fun names. It kinda creeps me out when people have dogs named Bill.

I always wished I was named Cinnamon when I was a kid (my club penguin name was cinnamoncyrus because I loved the name Cinnamon and Miley Cyrus). When/ if I have kids of my own loins (I already have names chosen) I want them to all have interesting names. Not if  they’re adopted, I wouldn’t force a kid to change their name to fit my theme of anything.

I also went by Krystal and Venus for short periods of my childhood. I wish I started liking my name at a younger age. I really like it now because it’s pretty unique and people think it’s cool. When I was a kid though, teachers would always think I was a boy before meeting me and kids made so many jokes about my name. I think it’s kinda cool that people think Mikah is a stage name. I really get messages on tumblr and emails asking if it’s my real name. It is! I’ll add that to my FAQ. 

Maybe some day Mikah will be a name like Beyonce where people name their kids that and then their kid feels like they have to live up to their name (I know a few younger girls [born around 2004] named Beyonce and they feel like they live in a shadow).

Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading!

(❁´◡`❁)