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thinking about how clothes fit

i get so frustrated 7/10 times i get dressed. i strongly crave a breast reduction. i just wish that i was a waify person who could wear oversized clothes and have them actually look oversized. whenever i put on something, even i it’s 5 sizes too big, it’s tight on my goddamn tits!!!!! i wish…

ED recovery update #9

i really wanna relapse. it’s so hard to feel good about yourself when you feel like you have no self control.i’m very aware of the fact that me eating at all is control oriented because if i really had no control i would starve. i have one really good motivator for not relapsing though… i…

ED recovery update #8

i’ve been having some ED thoughts and urges but not a ton. my biggest urge currently  is to delay meals. like when i’m due to have a meal i often find myself thinking “i can wait another 30 minutes”. recently i’ve been having snacks which is new. they’ve been very low calorie (i know i…

things i eat

i thought maybe since the original point of this blog was ED stuff, i should probably write an ED themed post, right? so i’m gonna tell you some foods i eat that i don’t get repulsed by after eating them twice in a week. *disclaimer* i’m vegan and i tend to eat higher calorie meals…

a new youtube channel to hate

so every once in a while i like to go through “anti SJW” youtube videos because i think it’s really funny that people can be that stupid. because of this habit i get recommended a lot of videos by other idiots and today i was recommended one of my least favorites so far. the channel…

ED Recovery Update #7

i’ve been having a lot of restrictive urges lately and i’ve been able to prevent myself from acting on them with something that used to encourage them: myfitnesspal for years (2012-2016) i used myfitnesspal as a restriction tool, i would follow the plan where you’re allotted 1200 calories each day and i’d always aim for…

feeling gross in more ways than one

this morning upon waking up i immediately vomited. so i didn’t go to school (probably will tomorrow though). i feel disgusting in physical ways like having a headache, being nauseous, and inexplicably sweating but i also feel disgusting in my body right now. today it’s been hard to force myself to eat. i’ve still managed…