Future Changes

Would you look at that, I’m not stuck at work until past 21:30 today!

I hate it that I feel lost when I’m not busy.

I miss that feeling of motivation to do things I like that I had in the past. I’m trying to force myself to do things like blogging so that I can maybe regain what I’ve lost.

When you don’t have as many hours in a day to do what matters to you it feels like those things matter less to you, you know?

I’m hoping to spend the rest of today, tomorrow, and parts of sunday getting my mind together. I would really like to brainstorm a way to better balance my life. It feels like I’m doing that weekly though and it never bears fruit.

Maybe things will get better once I start school and have a more consistent schedule (that’s a long shot).

I often wonder why people take the time out of their day to read my blog when I don’t really have much to say a lot of the time.

I really want to do right by my readership by crafting interesting content.

I’m thinking maybe I’ll branch out from just writing personal posts to maybe writing about fashion and such. I tried to do that towards the beginning of my blog, but I think I’m in a better place to make that sort of stuff now. I’m thinking maybe I’ll do OOTD’s and maybe reviews? Of course the personal stuff won’t go away though.

I’m gonna try to force myself to take more pictures as well because I know these walls of text can kind of be exhausting. I tend to feel a bit more proud of my posts with photos as well, so that would probably help me with my motivation.

I think once I can drive my posts may improve as well. I’ll probably feel more inspired when I’m out in the world rather than in the 2 very exotic settings of my home and my work.

I’m gonna brainstorm offline.

Thanks for reading.

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thinking about how clothes fit

i get so frustrated 7/10 times i get dressed.

i strongly crave a breast reduction.

i just wish that i was a waify person who could wear oversized clothes and have them actually look oversized. whenever i put on something, even i it’s 5 sizes too big, it’s tight on my goddamn tits!!!!!

i wish i was like a b cup. when i was a b cup everything sat so well on my chest and it wasn’t hard to wear tight clothes. nowadays as a ddd everything i wear stretches over my chest and the patterns on my clothes warp. it takes so much energy to pull my dresses over my chest because they bunch and pinch me and it pisses me off.

this is especially upsetting as a person who cares a lot more about how clothes fit than how my actual body looks.

you know what’s also upsetting?

my boobs don’t even look that impressive.

if they looked freakishly large i might be able to embrace the amanda lepore look but no… i just look chubby. btw if you wanna send a hate comment about how i just am chubby, please come up with something more creative because i’m fully aware of my weight. if i wasn’t i wouldn’t have an eating disorder.

whenever i say to someone that i want a breast reduction they always have the most stupid responses.

it’s always something along the lines of “but guys love big boobs” or “you won’t be curvy anymore” or “that’s not a good reason”.

well guess what

A) i don’t want guys staring at my chest.

B) if i wanted to be curvy i wouldn’t methodically starve myself!!!!!!!

C) i thought it was pretty clear when i talk about my body that i want to be emaciated

D) if you want a better reason for me getting a breast reduction: MY BACK HURTS. SO. BAD. CONSTANTLY.

so there. please stop looking at my body as an attention getting device rather than a mode of self expression.


p.s i’m so nervous about my dress i bought because i have a sneaking suspicion that it won’t fit my chest. it said 38 inches around the upper chest and my upper chest is smaller than that but there was no measurement given for the horrifying chest mound area.

why did i have to be cursed with giant mounds of fat attached to my flesh prison?

i wanna buy a chest binder.

p.p.s thank you for watching my tips video and reading my post!

a girl can dream

happy sunday

 

for the past year or two i’ve wanted to buy a furla candy bag.

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i dont have $250 to buy one so i’ve decided i’m going to dedicate some time to saving money to buy one.

 

i’m really dedicated to changing my overall image before  start college because i think i’ve been dressing a lot more casually and masculinely than i prefer as of lately. it’s really tough to find cute feminine clothes online nowadays because of that awful unicorn-mermaid trend where everything has to be iradescent, holographic, neon, saturated, and ugly. i wish japanese himekaji style clothing was more popular in the US because it feels like everything girly is either tacky unicorn garbage or overly sleek blush, camel, and black mature clothes. I JUST WANT SUBTLE FLORALS AND CREAM!

 

another thing i want to complain to you about is how i can’t wear cable knit sweaters year round. i don’t want to dress completely different for each season, i don’t have that type of money nor do i think t-shirts are in any way cute with the exception of the 2 t-shirts i ever wear.

whatever i’m just bitter.

by the way, since we’re talking about clothes… i like the balenciaga platform crocs and i kind of want a pair.

 

See the source image

i think they’re cute and they make me think “baby spice walking to the mailbox”

too bad they’re $850.

p.s it’s mothers day so here’s the obligatory photo of me and my mom hugging

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just gonna say that i love my mom with all of my heart and i hope to always heve her in my life. don’t wanna say too much else on this post because it’s rambling but i’ll write about my mom later.

OOTD: may 8th

note: a lot of people in real life are interested in my outfit details so i’ve decided to give outfit details for outfits i get compliments on so that people who like what i wear can buy the clothes for themselves.

sweater: amazon

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00T6EJON0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

bodysuit: fashion nova

https://www.fashionnova.com/products/straight-to-it-bodysuit-white

leggings: lularoe

 

boots: amazon

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076P586KM/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s04?ie=UTF8&psc=1

bracelet: charming charlie

 

this outfit is pretty plain but i wear cuter stuff sometimes i swear, people at school just really seemed to like the sweater.

fashion nova review <3

i made a post a while ago about ordering clothes from fashion nova. well my clothes are here now and i wanna style them. as a side note this is my first time taking flat lay photos, i wouldve showed you the clothes on but honestly my mirror is dirty and i dont wanna clean it and i dont have anyone to do a photoshoot with. ill be reviewing the clothes as i show you my amateur flat lays and ill link to all of the clothes at the end of this post. THIS IS NOT SPONSORED but i would love if it was. fashion nova please sponsor me.

ok, so these outfits are pretty basic and also pretty femme since thats my general style and i didnt want to include non-fashion nova items.

please note

  • all of these photos have the filter “delight” from meitu put on them so the lighting is more even across the board
  • these outfits are basic because i ordered basic pieces
  • this is mainly a review
  • this is my first time buying jeans in about a year and a half
  • i also ordered a romper but with a romper, the romper is the whole outfit, i will however link the romper at the end of this post

burberry esque

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this outfit is probably my favorite since it’s ungodly comfortable. the top is the straight to it bodysuit, the bottoms are the madeline high rise printed leggings, and the belt is the black part of the back to basic belt set. these leggings are so comfortable and remind me of lularoe leggings without the thick waistband. theyre super soft and nice. the bodysuit is comfortable and it makes my boobs look huge. the belt is super nice and i love that the buckle is rounded instead of square.

around the house

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the top is the straight to it bodysuit and the bottoms are the everyday basic shorts. these shorts are super comfy and tight so they dont bother my legs by flapping around and chafing. the bodysuit is just like the black version but in this one since the fabric is white there is a possibility of showing off your nipples if you go braless.

*john travolta voice* SANDY?

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this outfit reminds me of sandy from grease but casual. the top is the fool in love off the shoulder bodysuit and the jeans are classic high waist skinny jeans in dark while the belt is the black belt in the back to basics belt set. the jeans are really stretchy and flattering but something i’ve noticed is that the darker colored jeans are less stretchy than lighter colors. i would assume this is because the lightening process affects the structural integrity of the fibers making them more malleable. the top is super cute and also makes my boobs look huge, my one criticism is that the buttons are real so i get gaps in between the buttons on my chest.

i’m a cloud

the top is the straight to it bodysuit and the joggers are the leyle jogger pants. i love these bottoms. they’re really interesting in that the material is almost crepe like but still thick. also nice is the fact that on the joggers the aglets are metal so that’s a nice luxe touch.

i-i-i im a a little butterfly

the top is the made me do it top in mauve the jeans are Classic high waist skinny jeans in medium blue and the belt is the brown belt in the back to basics belt set. i’m in love with this belt it’s super cute on and i prefer brown to black. these jeans are stretchier than the darkest wash and are very comfortable. the top is super cute i just wish the back was cut higher but that’s only because i’m insecure about my upper back. the top reminds me of a butterfly or a papillon dog’s ears when on.

emmaline top two ways

both of these tops are the emmaline top while the light blue jeans are classic high waist skinny jeans in light blue and the white jeans are super high waist denim skinnies in white. i like the emmaline top so much that i bought it in two colors and that’s all i have to say about that. both of these jeans are absurdly stretchy and i love them the most of all of my jeans from fashion nova. my only criticism of the white jeans is that i wish they had belt loops.

 

now to the bread and butter of this blog. how i felt putting on these clothes.

i actually felt pretty good. i was still pretty critical of myself but since all of the clothes fit i wasnt hypercritical. i love it that fashion nova is catering more toward people like me who always have a gap in their jeans from other stores. this all in all made my experience great and didnt exacerbate any distaste i ahve for my body since clothes fit so i didnt feel like my body is wrong.

 

links

outfit 1:

Straight To It Bodysuit – Black

Madeline High Rise Printed Leggings – Multi

Back To Basic Belt Set – Black/Tan

 

outfit 2:

Straight To It Bodysuit – White

Everyday Basic Shorts – Lilac

 

outfit 3:

Fool In Love Off Shoulder Bodysuit – Black

Classic High Waist Skinny Jeans – Dark

Back To Basic Belt Set – Black/Tan

 

outfit 4:

Straight To It Bodysuit – White

Leyle Jogger Pant – Blue

 

outfit 5:

Classic High Waist Skinny Jeans – Medium Blue

Made Me Do It Top – Mauve

Back To Basic Belt Set – Black/Tan

 

outfit 6:

Emmaline Top – White

Emmaline Top – Rose

Super High Waist Denim Skinnies – White

Classic High Waist Skinny Jeans – Light Blue

 

 

please dont think im bragging i just wanted to review and style some clothes  (✿˵◕‿◕˵)

 

shea butter works in my hair!!!

so i got a new tub of shea butter recently and i decided to experiment by putting it in my hair and not washing it out and guess what…

it didnt destroy my hairs volume!

ive been looking for a way to fully moisturize my hair without getting rid of volume and now ive found it!!!!!

listen, you need to get a tub of shea butter if you’ve got hair like mine.

my hair doesnt look astounding in these pictures but its not stuck to my scalp and thats a big deal.