February

Well…

I quit my job.

I actually quit back on the 18th, but I had to wait for my 2 weeks to finish off before I felt comfortable doing this.

I have a handful of reasons as to why I quit, but basically I didn’t feel I was being paid enough for the amount of responsibility I was given and the prospect of a raise was not in sight among other things.

I’m gonna take some time to be a full time student while I adjust to college life and I’m quite enthused about it. I feel like when I was working at my former job, my growth as a person was being stunted.

I felt like I didn’t have anywhere to be fully expressive for fear of a coworker being upset by me (even though I don’t say anything about them) or that I literally didn’t have time.

Since I put in my 2 weeks notice, I’ve been adjusting my inner clock to times where I’m most productive. I’m my best from about 8:00 to 11:00 in the morning, so staying up until like midnight every night because I had to eat dinner, do my skincare, and generally do the things I can’t do during the day was making me feel like garbage.

I’ve also found that with the shorter class times and fewer work hours, college isn’t quite as awful as high school academically speaking. Socially speaking I’m still in purgatory, but what’s new about that?

If you’ve been around since the summer, you may remember when I would take a walk every morning. I think I’m gonna do that again. I quite enjoyed the time outdoors and the motion, so I think that’ll be enriching.

I think telling the world all of my plans may hinder my ability to actually reach my goals, so I won’t be publicizing all the moves I have planned, but I have some hopes.

I’d like to post every day on here like I did in September, try to get back into photography, hopefully study more (I’ve stagnated), and just generally get back to my productivity level of the past.

Yeah, not much else to say.

Thanks for reading!

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Last Entry of 2018

Hi everyone!

I’ve been out and about from sunrise to sunset for the past few days so I haven’t taken the time to write out a blog entry, but my mom and I are waiting for a dinner reservation right now so I figured I’d write.

I really don’t like sentimental mumbo jumbo, so this probably won’t be some grand reflection on the year. I just wanna write out my thoughts.

I’m so happy to be where I am. I tend to not enjoy most things celebrational because I tend to have pretty unexceptional celebrations. But I’m at disney world right now!!

I’m 100% the type of person to make new years resolutions (which I already wrote out in october because duh), and I just thought of a new one.

I want to celebrate stuff next year.

This whole year I haven’t done anything to celebrate anything other than blog posts. I didn’t have a birthday party, I took a nap after my graduation ceremony.

Yeah, I think I want to get excited about stuff in 2019.

So there.

That’s my last entry of 2018.

Let’s end this with what- in my opinion- is the best photo of me this year.

I don’t think I ever posted this on here

Welcome to December

It’s December 1st!

December’s one of my favorite months and I’m very excited about winter.

I’m gonna pretty much verbally process this upcoming month for the duration of this entry.

today

I had a very specific plan set out for today when I woke up… Today did not go according to plan.

I had to go to work today even though I wasn’t scheduled because I had to call in the other day and I needed to make up my hours. I expected to work for 2 hours and then come home and really focus on studying, but another girl called in so I ended up working about 5 hours so nobody else would be screwed over.

I’m hoping to get in a good study session after I’m done writing, though.

#1 goal for December

I feel like in November, for the majority of the month I wasn’t juggling life well (as shown by my lack of blog posts). I’ve pretty much stagnated in language study, I’ve been sleeping really irregularly, and I’ve kinda taken my eye off of the prize.

For December, I’m hoping to be a bit more balanced in my lifestyle.

For about the past week I’ve gotten a little bit closer to my “normal”. I’ve been stretching more, I’ve studied more, I’ve slept earlier, and at least I’ve blogged some.

During December I’m gonna try to will myself into doing stuff even when I feel no motivation. Let’s see how that goes.

other December goals

  • get ready for college (orientation and stuff…)
  • save $200
  • post at least 25 blog entries
  • get back into taking pictures
  • post said pictures on instagram
  • drivers ed (eek)
  • write in my diary at least 4 times per week
  • fill out my habit tracker at the end of every day

 

hyping myself up

I just got sent my work schedule for this upcoming week.

It’s not too brutal. I do have more days closing the store than I prefer, but whatever. I’m hoping to not have anything derail me for this week/month, so wish me luck.

I don’t really have much else to say so…

Thank you for reading!

Rebounding From My Prior Failure

*audible sigh*

Sorry.

I was so excited for this month. I wanted to do so well and I had so many great plans, but here I am.

Behind.

As usual.

So, I’m gonna try to fix this grave failure on my part.

I don’t really know how I’ll go about doing that, but I know that I plan on reaching all of my goals that I haven’t already failed at.

That’s scary for me.

I have to really do a good rebound back into normal life and my attempts at being exceptional in order to make up for my losses in so far.

Ok.

Let’s start out by writing this blog post.

I haven’t blogged in a few days and it’s pretty upsetting.

I’m a creature of habit so as a general rule, if I give myself a day to wallow in bed and do next to nothing I tend to turn that day into a week. I’m pretty prone to getting far too comfortable with defeat. I have a very obvious defeatist mindset, and it doesn’t tend to lend to things working out in my favor.

I guess since I haven’t done so great at working toward some of my more tangible goals this month, I’ll come up with a new goal.

This goal is: be less of a defeatist.

So I’m gonna try to manifest this by doing things even when a loud part of me tells me it’s not worth it. My inner voice often will yell at me that if I can’t get x reward from my effort, I might as well not even try to work toward anything. We’re gonna yell back this month I suppose.

The weird thing about blogging is that I find, when I don’t blog for a while I get worse at blogging. I guess it’s like exercising where if you go for a while without exercising you get far more sore upon going back to working out.

These past roughly 2 weeks have been pretty stifling. *By stifling I of course mean that I stifled my own progress. I haven’t been quite as focused on my studies, my online presence, or my personal progression (i.e stretching, working on my vocals). I have written in my goals journal, however, that balance will be my focus from here on.

  • I’m gonna try to schedule my days in advance upon learning my obligations (for example work hours and errands)
  • I’m gonna try to journal and track my lifestyle more than I have for the past few weeks.
  • I’m gonna complete every task on my daily to-do list every day for the rest of this month.
  • I’m gonna visualize my future with every action I take, because I know that what I do will help me reach my dreams.
  • I’m gonna force myself up when I’m down
  • I can’t think of anything else

Well… We’ll see how this works out.

Thanks for reading.

My Plan for Winter

It feels like this blog is just gonna become a compilation of me complaining about how I’m dissatisfied with my life.

I just want everything in my life to go well but it feels like that won’t be happening.

So.

Let’s discuss the plan.

Yesterday I spent a while in an existential state of discomfort because I remembered that death is inevitable so at some point I’ll have to do something so I don’t die a nobody.

As I always do, I made a to do list.

The plan lasts over the course of the rest of 2018 and the entirety of 2019.

I won’t give out details because I keep my tricks secret, but I’ll tell you the plan for November.

Since my work schedule will be increasing in hours, I’m gonna probably lose sleep for the sake of this but essentially:

  • blog daily
  • post on instagram daily
  • follow my tumblr post schedule (that I set up in September and have yet to follow)
  • Stream on Twitch at least 4 times a week
  • promo promo promo
  • take as many photos as possible (even if it’s a photo of grass, blog posts with photos get more reads)
  • study 1 hour every day

I sang on Twitch yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised that people thought I was good at all. My next big purchase will be a sufficient microphone so that I can record higher quality audio of my voice because it turns out I’m not the least talented person on earth.

The ultimate dream is to make a career out of singing (my plan is basically to replicate Troye Sivan but not make Troye Sivan-esque music), so November is basically a month to try to build an audience to want to listen to me.

I don’t know if you’ve heard a lot about how Destiny’s Child trained, but I’ll give you a basic idea of it.

In the summer, Matthew Knowles would put the girls through “summer camp” where they would do things like jog while singing (to increase their lung capacity), dance for hours, diet (this one is only a rumor), and take long voice lessons.

I want to do a “summer camp” for myself.

I’ve decided my “summer camp” will be from November to the beginning of January.

I’m not only going to be putting a lot of effort into my planned endeavors, I’ll also be putting a lot of effort into things like the health of my hair and remembering to take vitamins, and pushing myself further in my stretches. Daily things that can build up, you know?

I’m gonna be better.

I’m gonna be the best at something.

I’m gonna sound like less of a crazy person. (that’s the comedic relief if you didn’t catch on)

Ok.

I’ll keep you updated on my self improvement hopefully.

I have to go to work in 2 hours and I need to shower so I should do that now so my hair will be even the slightest bit dry by the time I’m at work, so I’ll leave you right now.

The Downside of Goal Setting

The downside of setting specific goals for something like monthly blog views is that the ability to reach my goal depends almost entirely on others.

I can’t trust strangers on the internet to place value on helping me reach my arbitrary goals that don’t do anything of value for them.

My goal for this passing week was to reach 420 blog views as a step to ultimately reach my 560 blog view goal. I’m at about 330 views.

I have been getting fewer views than I prefer lately and it’s kind of upsetting.

It makes me question myself.

Am I boring?

Has the novelty of my blog worn off?

Does nobody care about me?

I think I’m getting fewer views because it’s fall and people are back to school and people have fall television to distract themselves with so my blog is on the back burner.

Ugh, it sucks to not meet goals.

I have a sneaking suspicion that a swarm of people aren’t going to find my blog and give it traffic so I don’t think I’ll be reaching my monthly views goal. 😦

At least I’ve met most of my other ones though.

Here’s a picture of me for the road:

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hugging my flamingo

October 1st

*gif warning*

 

 

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It’s October everyone!

So what are we doing in October?

Despite my love of old halloween themed geocities blinkies, I actually don’t like halloween. I am a very, very easily scared person. If my mom enters the kitchen while I’m cooking I scream because just that small surprise terrifies me. When I was 8 years old I had an undying hatred of Michael Jackson because the thriller music video scared me so bad. When we go to Disney World I can’t enter the dinosaur area of Animal Kingdom because the dinosaur animatronics scare me to death. In other worlds I’m too weak for scary things.

I don’t know anybody who’s having a halloween party and I’m too old to fruitfully trick or treat, so I don’t have anywhere to wear it but…

I wanna make a halloween costume!

I’ve never made my own halloween costume, I didn’t always trick or treat or anything for halloween and when I did they would be either made by my mom or store bought. I’ve made a few (terrible) cosplays in my day (thank god there are no photos of the Equius one). So I think with enough effort I could make a costume that’s not skin-crawlingly embarassing at this point in my life.

What else do I wanna do in October?

I wanna…

  • get 70 more monthly views on my blog than September
  • try to take at least one photo every day
  • save as much money as i can from my paychecks
  • do at least 6 lessons in Mandarin and Japanese respectively
  • finish 3 more chapters of my korean textbook
  • do my acne scar routine on my chest acne scars
  • write at least 2 articles for other publications
  • send in my college application
  • write in my diary at least 20 times
  • eat at my favorite restaurant once *fingers crossed*
  • make a youtube video where I speak 0 english
  • go over my spanish (a customer came into the store who only spoke spanish and I felt so bad because I didn’t know how to tell her that the fitting rooms were full)
  • take a few OOTD pictures
  • do better at eating than in September

October also means we’re 10 months into 2018!

It feels like it was just March last week.

I’m hoping that in 2019 things will be even better. I have goals already set for 2019, but I’ll tell them to you around New Years. I’ll need some of you guy’s help achieving them so I hope you’ll pay attention to those.

October also means it’s the perfect time to use my favorite lotion!

My favorite body butter is called Carved For Attention and it’s an old limited edition perfectly posh lotion. It smells like pumpkin pie to me. I wish perfectly posh would bring it back.

So since the post is called October 1st, I’ll tell you what’s going on today, October 1st.

I sometimes like to imagine somebody reading my blog 7 years in the future and wondering what was going on in the world as I wrote these posts. SO here’s what’s going on in the world on October 1st, 2018.

The #1 trending topic on twitter is #october1st.

It’s been 1 year since the Las Vegas shooting.

A tsunami just recently hit Indonesia and Japan (my condolences for those who’ve died and unending support to those affected)

Kanye West changed his name to YE on Saturday and is doing more stupid stuff apparently.

The 73rd UN general assembly is happening as I speak. (BTS spoke there a few days ago and I’m so proud.)

The Brett Kavanaugh investigation has been elevated to an FBI investigation.

Google is supposed to drop the Pixel 3 on October 9th.

Multiple protests are going on for Muslim Detention in China.

Elon Musk may have been bought out from Tesla (I can’t really tell what’s going on)

So yeah, those are the things that come up when I look for news today. If you’re reading this far in the future please comment the date you’re reading this and the most interesting news story to you so we can keep this news of the day thing going.

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