Good Day

Today is so far going according to plan.

I tend to be pretty hesitant of coming up with a time table for my days because things don’t always go according to plan and I believe that the secret to good planning is having contingencies.

Today has had contingencies, but they’re great contingencies!

My big idea for today was to do laundry, study for 3 hours, finally put batteries in my computer mouse, make next weeks bullet journal spread, and take a- as I call it- full shower (a full shower is a shower where I not only do normal shower stuff but also do my less frequent body care stuff like putting on a body mask, dry brushing, doing a hair mask etc etc).

So far I’ve done 2 loads of laundry, studied for 2 and a half hours (I’m on a break as I write this), put batteries in my mouse, and (don’t gasp too loud) cleaned my room. (!!!!!!!!!!!)

My room isn’t as clean as I’d like it to be, but it’s far cleaner than it was so I’m happy.

I’ve decided that over the course of this month I want to do 1 cleaning project on each (or most) of my days off work.

My mom and I are going to go out of town toward the end of December, so I want Angel who’s petsitting to not be mortified.

I’m in a shockingly good mood right now, it’s honestly kind of concerning.

Tomorrow my mom’s gonna get Marshmallow’s ashes…

I don’t know how I’ll react when I get them.

I have a little urn necklace and I have someone who’s willing to put some of the ashes in it for me, so I’ve been able to save myself the grief of that. I think actually seeing the ashes themselves would have ruined me.

God I miss Mel.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about rabbits. Marshmallow really made me love the species. I was so scared that he’d be impersonal, but he turned out to be so affectionate and full of personality traits that just don’t come to mind when most people think of rabbits.

And so…

I’m thinking I’ll adopt another rabbit a little while after I’m settled in to college.

I don’t want to replace Mel, but I just really miss the presence of a herbivore in the home.

I sound like a crazy person when I talk about this; but I really, truly believe that I have a “spiritual” connection with herbivorous animals in general, especially rabbits and cattle. I don’t love to use the word spiritual because I personally associate it with hippy-dippy nonsense, but I can’t think of a less hippy-ish way of saying how I feel. I think herbivores and I just get each other. Like, I remember when my mom and I went to Custer State Park in South Dakota, people were tossing carrots toward the prairie dogs to try to get them to come closer, they just approached me. I think that was an awakening for me.

Since my prairie dog moment, I’ve noticed that all sort of animals like squirrels and such seem to be less tense around me.

I think I have a gift.

Some people have a thick skin, some people have super model proportions, I connect with herbivorous animals.

So who’s the real winner here?

the answer is me

Alright, I’ve gotta get back to studying so I’m headed out.

Thanks for reading!

♡♡♡♡♡

oh! and I realized recently that I haven’t posted any new photos of myself on my blog for quite a while so here’s a picture of me:

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My Favorite Weather and Other Stuff

I’m very happy today because the weather is exactly to my liking.

I’m very strongly affected by the weather when it comes to my mood and if the weather is in my opinion bad, I’m less motivated, less enthusiastic, harder to excite, and more sedentary.

So what constitutes good weather to me?

  • clouds
  • rain
  • cold temperatures (even though it never gets truly cold where I live)
  • snow is my ultimate favorite but again, it only snows like every other year
  • dark skies
  • when the grass looks technicolor bright
  • petrichor scent
  • the general season of winter

I’ve always wondered if I may have seasonal affective disorder (or whatever it’s called) but I’m depressed in summer rather than winter.

I’m so excited that summer is ending!

I sometimes wish I was born in winter so I could have a real birthday celebration. In summer everyone is busy going on vacation and doing summer stuff that it feels like I’d be inconveniencing my friends if I invited them to celebrate my birthday with me, so for the past like 4-5 years I haven’t tried to do anything for my birthday.

Next year I think I’m gonna try to throw myself a birthday party for the first time in my life. Don’t get confused and think I’ve never had a birthday party: I’ve had a few. I’ve just never thrown one for myself.

It’s on my bucket list to have a real birthday party and I think if I start planning early I’ll be over the anxiety in time for next August.

That sounds crazy when I read it.

Ugh! Poptart just pissed on my thigh high boots 😦

I semi-dried them, I’ll clean them off after posting this.

I thought this would be a good substantial post about weather but honestly I wanna write about other things in my life right now.

My mom got me a gift that makes me really happy yesterday.

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The back says “Love always, Marshmallow”

I wish Mel was still here. We should be getting his ashes soon and I’m hoping to be finished with the scrapbook page I’m making before we get them.

The page is red and white themed because I’m 90% sure his favorite color was red. All his favorite foods and toys were red so I’m just drawing conclusions but I like to give traits like that to all of my pets. Sometimes people cringe when I say things about my pets favorite colors and songs but I can really see how certain stimuli change their demeanor! Like Poptart loves older VIXX songs while Peanut likes City and Color. I’m sorry for these people that they don’t connect with animals the way I do.

I need to get some pictures of Marshmallow printed because I need them for my memorial and to frame. He was so pretty.

I can’t wait to live my dream of having a small house near the mountains with a herd of chianina cattle on the property and a ton of rabbits in the house. I think to memorialize Mel I’m gonna name all my future rabbits M names. I already have Marzipan, Mochi, Mango, and Mellocreme chosen. I’d prefer they all be food names but it’s tough to come up with M food names for rabbits. I like giving all of my pets fun names. It kinda creeps me out when people have dogs named Bill.

I always wished I was named Cinnamon when I was a kid (my club penguin name was cinnamoncyrus because I loved the name Cinnamon and Miley Cyrus). When/ if I have kids of my own loins (I already have names chosen) I want them to all have interesting names. Not if  they’re adopted, I wouldn’t force a kid to change their name to fit my theme of anything.

I also went by Krystal and Venus for short periods of my childhood. I wish I started liking my name at a younger age. I really like it now because it’s pretty unique and people think it’s cool. When I was a kid though, teachers would always think I was a boy before meeting me and kids made so many jokes about my name. I think it’s kinda cool that people think Mikah is a stage name. I really get messages on tumblr and emails asking if it’s my real name. It is! I’ll add that to my FAQ. 

Maybe some day Mikah will be a name like Beyonce where people name their kids that and then their kid feels like they have to live up to their name (I know a few younger girls [born around 2004] named Beyonce and they feel like they live in a shadow).

Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading!

(❁´◡`❁)

 

I want my little guy back.

I’m not in a good place right now.

I’m so, so crushed by Marshmallow’s death so I’ve resigned myself to just studying for as long as I can so I don’t have to think about anything but words.

I can’t even come within like 6 feet of Mel’s hutch because I get nauseous and start shaking when I see his half eaten bags of treats and his half full water bottle.

I’ve been writing half page diary entries recently because I just have so much to say but I don’t wanna say it on here so I haven’t posted and then that makes me feel like a failure because I really take pride in keeping up with my blog.

It feels like everything in life is a catch 22.

My chihuahuas know there’s something wrong with me so they won’t leave my side. It’s so nice to see how much animals can sense my intentions. Mel could always tell I was looking out for him. He only ever bit me once and it was because he missed a dried cranberry I was feeding him.

He was such a tough little dude and it feels awful to know just how fragile he was.

I’ve been drawing more because I can’t get Mel off of my mind, so I’ve been drawing portraits of him.

I hate that my last memory of him is crying over his blanketed body on the floor. I wish my last memory could’ve been me comforting him as he drifts off but instead his last moments were consumed with terror.

I feel so god awful.

I feel so guilty.

I’ve stopped crying every other hour like I did for the past few days and so far I’ve only cried once today.

I can’t wait until I feel the resolve inside myself to go back to normal but right now I’m just ruined.

I’ve been playing BTS in the background of my day today. I never felt a strong connection to Spring Day by BTS but now when hear it I think of Mel. I guess it’s nice to feel a connection.

I don’t know how to end this post.

I don’t know anything right now.

I’m Crushed

My sweet boy Marshmallow died this morning.

I don’t know what happened but somehow he got out of his hutch and I think the french bulldogs scared him to death.

I feel so awful because I feel like it’s my fault for not reinforcing the closure on his hutch. I feel like if I woke up when he got out I could’ve saved him.

I had so many plans for Mel.

I wanted him to be the ring bearer at my wedding . I wanted him to finally be able to free roam 24/7 whenever I get my own home. I wanted to get professional pictures taken with him. I wanted to start taking him for walks in the stroller I got for him.

Honestly I just wish I could’ve said good morning. His favorite part of the day was when I’d wake him up by saying good morning and then I’d give him his vitamin c supplement.

He has so many treats left.

I wish he could’ve eaten them all.

I’m just crushed.

I hope in heaven he’s eating all the apples he wants. They were his favorite.

I’ve been crying on and off since 8am and I still feel like I have more tears left.

I don’t know what to do but I’ll give you some pictures of my pretty boy.

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grinding down his chompers

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getting kisses

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baby picture!
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his first time meeting peanut

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i really believe he loved me

 

 

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marshmallows first strawberry
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size comparison
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he thought he was sneaky

thank you so much for reading.

Marshmallow loved attention so he’d be happy to know people are reading about him and admiring how handsome he was.

I love you marshmallow