Morning Pages: November 29th, 2018

I haven’t written morning pages in probably over a month.

I have some things to talk about.

Thing 1.

I do not like the new wordpress text editor one bit. 

I like that it’s easier to add stuff like audio to a post and I like the color settings, but… pretty much everything else is not great.

I’ve had 2 experiences where I save a draft and exit the editor to do something else only for my draft to be deleted. I can’t figure out how to add tags to posts. It’s really hard to click back to type in a past sentence.

I just don’t like it.

But it’s prettier.

I think it’s more for business people than bloggers.

Thing 2.

I think I’m being taken advantage of at my job.

When I was promoted to manager I was very excited to get a raise. I wasn’t told what exact amount my raise was until like 2 weeks of managing though and I was very disappointed to find out that my raise was only 1 dollar. I may not have been so disappointed if my coworker who was promoted alongside me wasn’t given a 2.50 dollar raise. And she’s working part time while I’m full time. 

I think I’m gonna ask my boss to basically demote me. I don’t think I’m getting paid enough for the amount of work I’m doing.

This is just motivation to start working harder to make money other ways though.

Thing 3.

It feels like my life isn’t very enriched lately.

I feel like I’m constantly tired and trying to catch up with something. 

I also hate that my work is kinda ruling my life. I feel anxious to, for example, post on instagram on my days off because I don’t want my coworkers to be jealous of me. That’s really dumb and I’m trying to get over it. Trying to remind myself that none of this will matter in like 3 years so…

I’m having a really tough time writing this post.

I should have dedicated to sitting down to write it instead of going to make and eat breakfast in the middle of writing.

I think I’m gonna be done for now because I have stuff to do before I leave for work.

ugh.

I’m scheduled for 9 hours 😦

Advertisements

Morning Pages: September 26th, 2018

Hello.

Wanna read 900 words of nonsense?

You’re in the right place.

I have a video uploading to youtube right now (I’ll embed it if it finishes uploading while I’m typing) and it’s kinda nonsensical. I wanna make really consistent videos on there rather than videos that don’t have any unifying factor but I also just wanna post whatever I film. It’s tough to figure out which feeling is stronger.

I kinda wanna start making beauty videos. I may start posting those in conjunction with other types of videos. I think I have some unique perspectives when it comes to stuff like hair and makeup because I rarely see people who do their hair and makeup like I do.

You know what, I’m glad I started typing this because I’ve decided that’s what I’m gonna do.

Did you guys know they sell vegan cheese at Aldi now!?

It’s really good too!

If you shop at Aldi and they have the vegan cheese in stock, I recommend you buy some. The mozzarella shreds have that bite to them that dairy mozzarella has and it’s really nice. It also gets stringy when it melts like dairy mozzarella.

I finally surpassed 300 instagram followers last night! My big goal is to reach 1000 before my next birthday (August of 2019), so it’s pretty exciting to be 3/10 of the way there.

Instagram is great. I think a lot of people are unfairly critical of social media in general, but especially instagram. In my opinion, instagram is like a magazine but you get to personally curate what you want to see. A lot of people say it gives people body dysmorphia and eating disorders, but I think that’s a super disrespectful take. People with body dysmorphia are mentally ill and so are people with eating disorders. As a person who is literally recovering from an eating disorder, I think it’s super reductive to blame an app for people experiencing eating disorders. I think maybe if we wanted to reduce the amount of eating disorder patients, we should try to focus on debunking body based stereotypes. I know a lot of my ED stuff comes from not wanting to seem lazy, tough, or manly. If we didn’t associate higher weights with negative traits like laziness and masculinity (in women, I know masculinity isn’t a bad thing) we would likely see fewer people going to unhealthy extents to lose weight.

But back to instagram.

I love being able to see what a person values in life. I think what a person put on their instagram page is very telling as to what they value. For example, I follow a friend who really values the inside jokes she shares with her friends so a lot of her posts are cryptic inside jokes. In my case, I really value aesthetics and nature so my entire feed it visually focused and my captions are particularly uninteresting. I refuse to post things on my instagram that I don’t find aesthetically pleasing whereas a lot of people will post something they may find ugly because they value it.

That’s cool!

You know what’s making me kinda sad?

Tumblr is dying out.

Why couldn’t it be reddit!?

For years, tumblr was my number one social media network and it’s depressing to see that most of the people on there now are discourse arguers and men looking for girls to send creepy messages to. I miss back when there were people who had personality based tumblrs. I don’t wanna name names because I follow a lot of the people who come to mind on twitter and they’re ashamed of their tumblr days so I won’t embarrass them. You don’t see a lot of people who’s tumblrs are about them as people anymore and that sucks. My tumblr is still like that, I post the photos I don’t think fit my instagram on there mainly and the occasional crossposted blog post.

I wish reddit would die instead of tumblr.

I don’t understand why anyone is voluntarily going on there at this point. The layout is ugly, it’s crawling with neonazis, and it’s not new user friendly (I know because I tried to give reddit a real chance recently, terrible idea). ugh.

I guess since I’m talking about social media, I’ll keep that theme.

Facebook should die with reddit.

Is that a super hot take?

It’s also got an ugly layout and is also crawling with neonazis. I mainly use facebook to keep up with my family members who don’t use other websites. I also occasionally take part in facebook group threads for bloggers and stuff like that but that doesn’t make facebook better.

Hmm… I’ve only got about 120 words left.

I’ll tell you about my plans for today.

I’m gonna try to film another video, photograph Maddie, and go to the psychiatrist. I think when I get home for the night and I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do for the day, I wanna watch Black Panther again. I adore Black Panther.

I think I should focus on Russian for my daily studies today. It’s been a few too many days since my last good Russian study session. I think in the coming few weeks I’m gonna try to get back into using memrise. I used to be a big memrise user, in fact when I was 14 it was the only way I studied for about 8 months.

ooo. we’re at 905 words.

My video is still uploading so I guess I’ll embed my youtube video in a different post. sorry 😦

Thanks for reading!