Good Day

Today is so far going according to plan.

I tend to be pretty hesitant of coming up with a time table for my days because things don’t always go according to plan and I believe that the secret to good planning is having contingencies.

Today has had contingencies, but they’re great contingencies!

My big idea for today was to do laundry, study for 3 hours, finally put batteries in my computer mouse, make next weeks bullet journal spread, and take a- as I call it- full shower (a full shower is a shower where I not only do normal shower stuff but also do my less frequent body care stuff like putting on a body mask, dry brushing, doing a hair mask etc etc).

So far I’ve done 2 loads of laundry, studied for 2 and a half hours (I’m on a break as I write this), put batteries in my mouse, and (don’t gasp too loud) cleaned my room. (!!!!!!!!!!!)

My room isn’t as clean as I’d like it to be, but it’s far cleaner than it was so I’m happy.

I’ve decided that over the course of this month I want to do 1 cleaning project on each (or most) of my days off work.

My mom and I are going to go out of town toward the end of December, so I want Angel who’s petsitting to not be mortified.

I’m in a shockingly good mood right now, it’s honestly kind of concerning.

Tomorrow my mom’s gonna get Marshmallow’s ashes…

I don’t know how I’ll react when I get them.

I have a little urn necklace and I have someone who’s willing to put some of the ashes in it for me, so I’ve been able to save myself the grief of that. I think actually seeing the ashes themselves would have ruined me.

God I miss Mel.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about rabbits. Marshmallow really made me love the species. I was so scared that he’d be impersonal, but he turned out to be so affectionate and full of personality traits that just don’t come to mind when most people think of rabbits.

And so…

I’m thinking I’ll adopt another rabbit a little while after I’m settled in to college.

I don’t want to replace Mel, but I just really miss the presence of a herbivore in the home.

I sound like a crazy person when I talk about this; but I really, truly believe that I have a “spiritual” connection with herbivorous animals in general, especially rabbits and cattle. I don’t love to use the word spiritual because I personally associate it with hippy-dippy nonsense, but I can’t think of a less hippy-ish way of saying how I feel. I think herbivores and I just get each other. Like, I remember when my mom and I went to Custer State Park in South Dakota, people were tossing carrots toward the prairie dogs to try to get them to come closer, they just approached me. I think that was an awakening for me.

Since my prairie dog moment, I’ve noticed that all sort of animals like squirrels and such seem to be less tense around me.

I think I have a gift.

Some people have a thick skin, some people have super model proportions, I connect with herbivorous animals.

So who’s the real winner here?

the answer is me

Alright, I’ve gotta get back to studying so I’m headed out.

Thanks for reading!

♡♡♡♡♡

oh! and I realized recently that I haven’t posted any new photos of myself on my blog for quite a while so here’s a picture of me:

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Untitled Post 3

I have writers block again. I’m a very lucky person in that I don’t tend to have month long writers block or even week long writers block normally. It tends to last maybe 5 days at most. Yesterday I hoped to get out a post but it was just not happening. I counted and I tried 9 whole times to start a post and each time I would write a sentence and then feel like it wasn’t working. I considered just putting up one of my drafts but that felt a little disingenuous.

I guess I’ll talk about an interesting thing that happened today,

A guy offered me 70 dollars for pictures of my feet.

I occasionally get messages and emails along these lines but this is the largest monetary offer I’ve ever received.

It was very tempting to just send my paypal link to him but I just don’t think the foot photo life is for me. I’m not against other people doing it but I’m really young and I have a very valid fear of things I do being brought up against me in the future.

Would you have said yes?

I don’t want to discourage people from trying to talk to me though. I appreciate the emails and comments I get from you guys a lot!

I actually wish more readers would send me emails and leave comments! I try my best to respond to everyone and I really feel fulfilled when I get them. I love talking to you guys!

People on tumblr are a different breed though. They’re very complimentary but they can prod a bit. Not awful though (except the perverts).

Would you guys be ok if I started posting really short posts on days when I’m uninspired? It feels like I’m dragging this post on.

I guess as a thank you for reading this I’ll give y’all a photo:

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maddie and I both moved right when the camera went off so we’re both blurry

Bye!

My Day

Today has been a little productive and very photography oriented.

I woke up at about 6:45 so I could take out the trash. Today the trash men came at 8:00. I wish they were more consistent with the time they come to get the trash because sometimes they arrive at 11:00, sometimes 14:00, sometimes 7:30. But I don’t want to be too critical because I’m thankful that they remove the garbage from my life.

I then went to sit and wait for an idea to come to mind when my mom asked me to edit a photo of her dog Posh. The edit turned out looking cheesy, so I offered her to take some pictures of Posh and Samoa in front of my photography backdrop.

This would lead to the one and only piece of drama in my day.

After eating breakfast, I got to setting up my photography rig and got the dog to the room where my stuff was. Posh mush be afraid of the white fabric because she refused to stand up. She laid down, she sat, she ran off of the backdrop. Samoa also wouldn’t stand (do they hate white?) but he was less stiff. After about 35 minutes of wrestling 2 french bulldogs, I ended up with these photos.

 

After that, I figured since I already was taking pictures, I might as well take some pictures of myself.

If you haven’t seen my most recent youtube video, you may not know that I’ve finally made a rig to take pictures of myself with my shutter button so as to get wider self shots.

I got a lot of good pictures which is pretty rare. Normally I’ll take about 400 shots and end up with about 4 good ones. Today I took 200 and ended up with 30 good pictures!

I’m not gonna post all 30 but here’s a good amount of them! (they’re big so just scroll hard if you don’t wanna look at me)

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shutter button + timer = cheesy pose central!
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so cheesy!
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I look like I expect something. (it’s attention)
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I just wanna show you my shoes honestly. They’re tough to put on so if I wear them, people need to see them. But you can see my general outfit as well.

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i try to pose with props so my pictures aren’t so boring but it normally looks unnatural. This one doesn’t though! (don’t tell me it looks unnatural please, thanks)
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I accidentally pressed the button while checking the focus
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Did you think I was done with my cheesy poses?

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See? Unnatural.
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I think this is the best showcase of my face from today.

 

After my photo frenzy, I studied Swahili for about an hour because I’ve been neglecting that language for a bit too long.

Since studying, I edited my photos and did a load of laundry.

I really need to write in my language log today. I haven’t written in it for like 10 days! Terrible!

I think tomorrow I’m gonna try to get some great pictures of Peanut, Poptart, and Maddie. They’re a lot better at posing than Samoa and Posh.

Thanks for reading!

Don’t Stalk Me ♡

Well I’m anxious.

Last night I watched a video from a guy named Quinton Reviews about being a youtuber and starting a channel and stuff like that and one thing he said kinda got to me.

He said that when you’re starting a channel you need to be very private about yourself i.e not posting landmarks in your area and not talking about where you’re from. He said he doesn’t love that people use his online username when they see him in real life and he’s afraid of being stalked now that his audience is big.

I guess since I’m an attention seeker I don’t hate the idea of somebody recognizing me in a grocery store (once I’m a person that matters), but I don’t love the idea of being stalked.

I like to imagine that people don’t have a good idea of where I’m from because I don’t really share stuff like what school I went to or even the city I live in but still I’m very aware of how easy it is to figure out where somebody is from via looking at their IRL friends info or tracking their IP address.

Do you remember the cicada 3301 conspiracy scavenger hunt thing?

I remember listening to the audio tracks when people leaked them to the public.

But the reason I mention it is because a bit of the hunt involved tracking IP addresses.

It’s weird to think about the percentage of technologically illiterate people in comparison to people who can fully figure out what somebody else is about.

But to my comfort, the majority of people who use the internet are technologically illiterate and also likely don’t care about me enough to track me down and shoot through my windows like that dude did to that twitch streamer.

Part of this post came to mind as I was taking pictures of a rainbow and a sign showing the miles to a city near mine was obstructing my view.

I did eventually get a non-city-disclosing photo thought and I think you guys should see it.

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So if you’re a person who’s super interested in me and you have the urge to stalk me, maybe don’t. I’m very nice and if you comment or reach out to me I’m very likely to respond, so you won’t have to track me down to have a nice conversation with me. ♡

While you’re here, you might as well follow my blog! I post daily and sometimes the posts are good! ♡

A Look at 13 Year Old Me

I found an old SD card from when I was in 8th grade recently.

I only got the courage to look at the files on it today and wow…

I was annoying.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m a completely non-annoying person nowadays because I honestly annoy myself sometimes but whew!

I feel bad for everyone that spent time around me at that age.

I guess since I love embarassing myself, I’ll show you some of the astounding photos I took in 2013 (photos and videos with others in them are excluded but trust me those photos are awful too).

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I thought taking blurry photos was the height of comedy (i still kinda do)
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take note of the deep side part
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does every girl have a colored mascara phase?
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I really wasn’t as ugly as I thought I was
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This was my instagram profile photo for over a year.
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I think N.O from BTS is playing on the laptop in the background… (I still like that song)
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and in this one Voodoo Doll from VIXX is on in the background (no regrets, still holds up)
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This was the first photo I ever uploaded to tumblr… Don’t try to find it on there, I deleted that blog

I think someday I’m gonna look back at the way I am now and feel the same gut wrenching horror that I feel when I look through this SD card today, but that’s not gonna stop me from being me for now.

It kinda makes me uncomfortable to see the similarities between 13 year old me and 18 year old me (i.e an undying love of eyeliner and a habit of taking a lot of pictures of myself).

It also makes me sad to be reminded of my mental state during this phase. I remember always feeling like I was reaching for something that I could never grasp. I still feel that way really often. At this age and throughout high school, I felt like I was constantly getting close to getting the approval that I so desperately craved, but it would never come in full. I was the understudy. I was in the background. I was around in case something bad happened to the people that mattered.

I don’t think these feelings of inadequacy will ever go away but at least my braces did.

So thanks for walking down this horrible, unpaved memory lane with me. I hope my braces didn’t gross you out.

I Fixed My Google Photos, Here’s Some Pictures

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the old lady
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I took this the day before I got pneumonia
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My bruise from getting blood drawn
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wink
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I took this the day Mel died and it makes me sad to look at 😦
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one of my favorite things is seeing the moon in the morning
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samoa taking a break from being mean
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this is my first time taking a picture of myself in a car  I think
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This is probably gonna get uploaded to my instagram too
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insert caption here

and the piece de resistance…

 

 

I’ve always wanted to take a picture of myself sneezing and I finally did it.